A is for A-L-L-E-R-G-Y

It's 2 in the morning, raining hard and I should still be snuggling in bed right now, but no. There's this itch I just can't help scratching - LITERALLY. So apparently, the allergy got into me again. This time it was a one hit K.O. I have big as in BIIIIIG rashes all over my body. Eeeeew! I know. And they're all mighty itchy as in big time ITCHY as in it-got-me-out-of-bed-showering-in-the-dawn-itchy. That's how itchy it really is.
The last time I've had an allergy attack like this (or worse) was when I was in my preschool years. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and feel disgust as I see my monster-like face filled with big rashes (even bigger than the ones I have now). So yeah,  I've always been a girl allergic to things and by that I mean, Tempra - you know, the Paracetamol thing, cherry-flavored? Ring a bell? Maybe that's most of the reason why I can't seem to eat cherries or cherry-flavored food for that matter, because it tastes like Tempra. Anyway, come teen years, the allergy became different, now attacks come from dust. Come college time, it worsened and attacks came from all sorts of things - strong odors, smoke (cigarette and car smoke), plastic, rubber, zonrox, Surf, Tide, and of course, dust. Allergic Rhinitis, baby. I can pinpoint a whole lot from my family, actually with allergic rhinitis - all my brothers included.
Having an allergy is indeed hard. Oftentimes I don't think of it as such but right now, it's all I can ever think of. Gosh, I can't stop scratching myself and irritates the hell out of me. Please be gone now, I need to finish up a few things, and sleep as I won't be doing much of that anymore next week.

Even if I may never know the pain

2nd post in less than 6 hours, I know, but I just have to get this out of my chest.

I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.

So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feel touched remorse.

This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...

I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.

May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.

New plane

So it's the 2nd week of the semestral break and I'm having a blast at making the most out of it. I have learned a lot of things for the past months. I learned a lot not only about academic stuff but myself as well - study habits, what works best for me, and a lot more. I never thought I can actually enjoy medschool. 

First off, I have been depressed for some time now. Though I haven't gotten over it fully, I think I'm better and more functional. I just had a lot of things in mind for the past days and it was just too much to handle given that I don't have that much friends in le Manille and I have been spending too much time alone. I've never had that in my life. There were always friends. I am no extrovert for no reason. So before the semester ended, I had this self-reflection and talked to myself a lot and reflected A LOT to finally figure things out. And finally, it worked. I finally got myself on track again. Somehow, on track again. Not yet perfectly in line, but it's a good thing I'm somehow having a grip on things again. ☺

Speaking of friends, not that I don't have any, it's just that, my social life didn't end in school hours then. In fact, for all of my college years and more, my social life just starts after class hours. So, it was definitely a difficult adjustment - a painful one. For the past 3 months, I have been eating breakfast and dinners A-L-O-N-E. Whenever I feel down or bad about something, I have to deal with it A-L-O-N-E. After classes, I go straight home (a.k.a dorm), put my shoes in the rack, open the door, smile at my roomate and our communication for the day ends. How sucky is that?! So anyway, I'm still trying to get past that part. And living with it - trying. 

I'm just glad I have some support crowd around me. A different set from what I'm used to but definitely one of the reasons I'm still fighting and going to classes everyday. I'm more than thankful  I have Steph, Melvin, Jeanne and Justin. Med School is more wonderful with them. So yes, maybe I am ready to grow and traverse this new pavement. It used to be 'unknown' but now I can claim it as a 'new plane'. 

We find the most brilliant of people in the most unexpected time of our lives.

Who's your eye-candy as of the moment? :))

Who's your eye-candy as of the moment? :))

Answer here

flirt bang matatawag if iba ibang tao from the opposite sex ang kasama mo? bakit ganon na lang makajudge ang mga tao sa paligid? isnt that unfair?

I see nothing wrong with befriending a whole lot of people - be it the opposite sex or not. Why does the opinion of other people highly matter to you, anyway? Let them do all the judging and just do whatever you think is RIGHT. :))

Know me more. All you have to do is ask :)

The Long Weekend Equation

Sooooo, I've been depressed for the longest time AND not functioning well. Not to mention, lonely. So here are some of the videos I've been killing the replay button for. I do hope you guys enjoy! :)

Right There - Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent

This I know is such a sexy time song but whatev. I like dancing to it. It just has this ultimate relaxing feel. Haha Or maybe, I just miss clubbing so muuuuuch.

Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer

From something sexy, let's skip into something wholesome now, shall we? :) Since I started blogging, I've been looking for inspirational videos every now and then and post them here. As of now, here's as inspirational as it gets. I do like this song, more so the artist - such 'tagos-sa-puso' lyrics and overflowing talent. Thank you for Billboard's Top 100 for introducing me to this lovely find. :)

Bad Teacher, 2011

It's been awhile since I equated funny to a movie. I must say, THIS IS A MUST-SEE. On the trailer alone, I've been laughing my guts out already (though I haven't watched it yet, nor downloaded it - soon I hope). Such a hilarious film perfect for a suicidal student like me. Haha

T.G.I.F. - Katy Perry

And here my friends, is such an overly-funny MV. I swear by this video. Haha! I was only able to watch it a few secs ago (sorry, I've been REAL busy, you know), and I must say, I really can't help but play it over and over and over again. It was such a treat seeing Katy Perry this funny coupled with tons of fave artists. Honestly though, I didn't know that the Hansons still has a career. Anyhoo, it has been nice to see them again. Brings me back to my old 3rd grade self. :) Plus plus plus! Awesome glee stars - Darren Criss and Kevin McHale. Ha! I died watching this video. And not to mention, Rebecca Black. I had no idea that she's likable. Haha 


Sooooo this prolly will be my last entry for this day (or month). Thank goodness for long weekends. Writing, blogging, surfing I missed! ♥

Unfamiliar plane

And it's one of those nights wherein you feel alone, depressed and uncalled for. 

It's hard to be depressed, mind you. A lot of people claim they are when they only think they are. 

When you're already in it, you honestly can't shout it out the whole world just because you do not want where you're currently at.

You don't like your predisposition. You want a way out only, you can't.

You can't because you have your worst enemy. And it's yourself - more particularly, your mind.

Sometimes you actually think you're crazy, having all these thoughts, these 'plans'.

And it's not good; it can never be. 

But most of the time you just want someone to talk to, more so, to listen. 

And you can find no one around - not because there ain't any, but because true friends are rare these days.

Friends who won't pass any judgment; friends who will directly tell when they do have made some judgments. 

I miss my friends.

I miss myself.

Somehow, some way, I have lost her. And I better find her soon else, I'd be alone, empty, shallow

and lonely in this endless pit. 

ALONE. LONELY. EMPTY.

IN THIS ENDLESS PIT.

What's the best way to deal with depression?

What's the best way to deal with depression?

Answer here

What's the most fun thing you have going on this week?

The boyfriend and I's 5th anniversary! :)

Know me more. All you have to do is ask :)

Teng-...

Oh well. Talo ko pa ang broken-hearted. Buti sana kung busted ako, hiniwalayan ng boypren, inaway ng mga kaibigan, wala nang kaibigan, itinakwil ng mga magulang, tipong condemned by society na talaga ang drama; pero hindi. Ni isa walang nangyari sa'kin diyan. Buti sana kung choose the best answer diyan at all of the above pero hindi pa rin. Hindi yun yon.

Ang kaso kasi, nag-aral ako. Nag-aral akong mabuti. Halos iyon na lang ang subject ko. Hindi ko na talaga pinapakelaman pa ang iba pero ano nangyari? Wala pa rin. Bagsak. Hindi lang bagsak, lagapak. P@*$(*&#! Feeling ko ako ang pinakamababa. Kahit na feeling lang yun at wala naman talagang basehan kundi ang pagpapalungkot lalo sa sarili, eh hindi pa rin maganda sa pakiramdam. Hindi pa rin magandang may "feeling" kang ganun kahit feeling lang talaga yun. Ang saklap. Gusto kong maiyak kanina. Ganun ba ako kabobo? P*@&#&^@&$! Hindi ko matanggap. Hindi ko talaga inexpect sa totoo lang. Ayun, yun siguro yun. Sa lahat naman ng bagay, mapa-relasyon man o hindi, ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ay yung pinapaasa at umaasa. Shemay. Ang sakit sa heart and soul. Kumikirot eh. Buti sana kung emotions ko lang. tagos pati sa ego ko.

Hindi pwede to. Hindi maaari. Kulang pa. Ibig sabihin kahit feeling ko naguumapaw na, kulang pa rin. Tinimbang ka ngunit kulang. Ganun. Feeling mo magaling ka pero hindi pala. Shit. Babawi ako. PROMISE TO GOD AND MY COUNTRY. Punyemas.

One hell week down!

It's been one of a looooong week. This time last week, I honestly wasn't so sure if I'd be able to check everything on my 'to-do list'. It was that overwhelmingly busy. But here I am today, wasting half of my Saturday as if I keep time as a pet. Haha


Anyway, since it was the very first hell week for this school year, I really wanted to somehow immortalize the week that was. Sooooo, here goes.


It was heartbreaking, annoying, irritating, tiring, saturating, mind-contorting week, but all in all I learned A LOT. 


LESSONS FOR THE WEEK:


BIOCHEMISTRY: It's not enough to learn, understand and know by heart the concepts of the topics included in the exam.  READ HARPER'S BIOCHEMISTRY book. 

This I swear was the most heart-breaking of all. 

I really studied and prepared for this exam

but did not do well on it just because I did not read the said book. 

I  noticed almost verbatim

from it. KAINIS. The most difficult part to accept is, 

I might fail this subject's first long quiz. Sheesh.

GROSS ANATOMY: Erasures are allowed on the practical exam. HAHA This is what students who don't pay attention get. 

I would have aced it had it not  been for 

a stupid and careless mistake.

Next time, listen to EVERYTHING the prof says, 

no matter how sleepy you are! Haha 

I personally think that this has been the highlight of the week. 

The exam was easy and all of us were smiling afterwards.:)

NEUROANATOMY: Read in advance. Read previous lectures.

I take all the blame if I get a low score on this exam. 

I honestly did not prepare for it.

It was a stupid move I know; 

to think that the exam was easy! 

Sayang lang. Since I did not study, 

I didn't know where to get the answers. HAHA

Oh well, next time, Neuroana shouldn't be  taken for granted. 

I have to make-up for the next one. :)

PHYSIOLOGY: Nothing beats preparation!

It was a difficult exam in the sense that 

you really have to analyze EVERYTHING.

It was a synthesis of all the topics discussed 

and questions don't just dwell on one particular topic.  

Though I know I won't score that too well, 

I was happy with it. It was an intelligently-made exam.

I appreciate the hard-work the professors have put on it. :)

So, that says it all. It'll be better next time, I promise. I'm just happy that somehow I'm already coping. MedSchool isn't just another step, a new mileage in the game; it's a whole new lifestyle. :)

Ano'ng pinaka-effective na Iwas-Baha Technique/s mo?

Ano'ng pinaka-effective na Iwas-Baha Technique/s mo?

Answer here

All's well that ends so-so well

Life has a funny way in giving us what we want. It has its own timing and twists to get the story more interesting. You know a funnier thing? Talking about life as if it's whole other person just around the corner. Haha sorry. I just don't know the proper term to coin it since I don't want to sound preachy, tackling about God; or dreamy by talking about destiny. So yes, let's talk about life. After all, it's what this blog's about.

Going back, yes, life is indeed at times funny, always unpredictable and sometimes cruel. Just a few weeks back, I was crying my eyes out, self-analyzing and crushed. Honestly, it was such a huge blow to have a rejection that massive. It was a first for me. Though I haven't recovered fully from that one yet, here I am, trying to suck all there is left to try and hold my head up high (but not too high to forget the ground I'm stepping at).

Maybe this is life's way of teaching me to be patient and maintain my cool whatever situation I find myself at. It's a tough one to learn, I know, but at least in the end, Life and I both got what we want from each other (or I did, at least. Haha).

Try to read between the lines.

P.S. This song completes my morning ritual every single day. It just uplifts my spirit every time I hear it. I just don't know how it's related with this post, indirectly, maybe? HAHA

P.P.S. Which reminds me, I should be reading Guyton right now. Ta-tah!

Ouchie times two times three times four

Something's wrong with my tummy. Being depressed and having an upset stomach is the worst combination ever. Masakit na sa heart and soul, masakit pa sa tiyan and ___. 

TABULA RASA: Toughen up little soldier, toughen up

 Often in our lives do we find ourselves unexpectedly falling in a pit that seem to be endless, scary, dark and achluophobic. Oftentimes too, do we grope and fumble in search of that "light" that we only make up in our heads; or, make ourselves believe in false hopes that lead us to making up our own versions of reality which in truth is definitely far from one. And often do we try to make ourselves feel better by just shrugging everything off, thinking that it is the best possible way we can do to cope.

Yes, pits can give us that sense of affright we don't expect to get when we're traveling our way in this thing called life. It may well be scary, but isn't that the thrill to it? What's the use of having to live a life where one already knows EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of the future?

I had someone remind me recently that life goes on that way - it never gives us exactly what we want. Sure, sometimes it does, but not all the time. You just have to make do of anything and everything that you currently have.

A few months, weeks, days ago, I had a different thought on what I'd write under this same title. That time, I thought it'll symbolize the new life I'd be facing as I fulfill my life-long dream. I was wrong. Life flatly shouted, "Not for you, dear! Another time, another day!". Well, for that, someone out to teach Life on how to be polite and subtle.

Oh well, 'another time, another day,' it is, then. I'm done crying about it. Well, it did do me good for a couple of days, mind you. But after some time, I tired of it - making myself sad. There's no one in this world capable of bringing and making your self feel pain than yourself. So, I eventually realized that crying may seem to help emotionally and mentally, but it won't help in actually solving the problem. And whoala, here I am, trying my best to slowly face it head-on.

I am not a believer that our lives are already crafted out for us. For all I know, we all are makers of our own destiny and that so-called destiny is the end of our own means. And so for that destiny of mine, this is just another bump on the road - one of the pivoting forces I may be able to use someday to plummet my way to reach what seem to be unreachable as of now. I know one day, I'll look back, and think that I truly needed this whole time and experience to be where I've always wanted to be.

These may all seem to be pretty amazing and ideal. But honestly, I don't believe all of these yet. The important thing is, at least I'm already getting there. Acceptance is such an aversive little thing. For now, I'd like to think of this as a new passageway. A clear passageway instead of a dark, scary one. A new clean slate instead of a cleaned slate. And deep down, I know, I'm already getting excited of all the things I can put in it to finish my collage at the end of this all.

I have chosen to just laugh about it

For today, I:

• *drew three men. Two of which involves drawing their whole abdominal and guts area just so I can portray the quadrants and regions of the body AND the the last one being the luckiest who gets to have all his insides and other parts complete (yes, ALL intricate parts one can think of);
• *drew the cell and its parts (which by the way is a 4th for me in the span of 4 meetings);
• *drew the phases of mitosis (the last time being on my second year in high school);
• *started reading one of the 4 chapters that wasn't discussed at all but we're gonna have an exam on;
• *burst of all the things that got me into the conclusion that for the last 2 weeks that I've been attending classes, I AM STILL NOT LEARNING ANYTHING.

I also:

• *reminisced at the discussion we last had during my human anatomy and physiology class (fondest memories will have to be: my prof saying that The Curious Case of Benjamin Bottom is a true to life story; and our National bird is an Eating-Monkey Eagle);
• *recalled our last mcb lab: which includes having to sit-in for an examination with a different section OF A DIFFERENT SUBJECT (what the hell, right?!); my prof forgetting about the exam; her forgetting about everything that lapses in an hour; AND having to sit-in for another laboratory class with a different subject, specifically zoology and end up having to do MORE than the zoo kids;
• *ranted with the boyfriend of all the things that has happened with me on that school since I went in.

On one side, it is indeed very irritating and painful in the head. WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! But at the end of the day, one need not be affected with all these things, or at least try to be. Rant it all out ONCE, and then forget about it. I guess that'll be the best way to handle it. By this time, I have indeed accepted the fact that expectations - my expectations - were not met at the very least, even. 

Oh well, that's life. You get lemons, squeeze them and get some mungbean in return instead of a lemonade. Surprise, surprise! 

O, BILI BILI NA! HOPIA MUNGGO, HOPIA MUNGGO! 

A post that should've been the first

Usually when I see interesting blogs with themes, I tend to envy them - "Wow, napakagaling naman nilang mag-isip" - of course, I value intelligence in whatever form it may be, no! But then again, more often than not, their entries are not entirely for themselves - for impressing other people. I mean why even bother writing something that does not entirely reflect what you have in mind and what you feel? I rarely encounter blogs that are genuine reflections of its authors. And when I find one, I am in deep awe mostly.

Well, as you may all have guessed, this is not one of those themed blogs. At first I intended it to be a travel blog. But then, I realized I don't have that much time and money to actually travel to a lot of places. Haha! Kawawang bata. So, I just thought that I should put it up for another place in time. Somewhere, somehow I'll get to that luxury. But not now.

I have this blog not because I want to impress other people, or brag about things I have, had and experienced.

I just want it to be an extension of that little part of my mind that once dreamt to become a writer of fiction novels during childhood, and apparently just ended up writing scientific papers instead. I want this to log places that I have been to and will be going to just so I can somehow immortalize the feel that pictures can't seem to portray. And lastly, I want this to be a venue for practice. Yes, somehow a practice of an almost-hovered passion in literary and feature writing.

I know I need not explain, this is not an explanation, really. Just something to remind me why I started this one in the first place when that time comes that I have nothing else to mind but my busy life.

NTS: Always remember that the literary world will be that one solace in the unmindful world for you (well, that's aside from pag-ibig, katarungan at mga kaibigan).

P.S. Did I ever mention that I used to rewrite short stories and fables when I was younger? Oh, the young geek that I was.

Basta pag nasa elbi, laging happy!

HAHAHA Stupid and lame rhyming pero what the heck. I have just been overly joyed with my last visit at my University. Samahan mo pa ng pagkain, alak (though I didn't drink that much - defensive?☺), videoke and of course FRIENDS! Oh yeah! Walang init-init kahit na summer na summer!

DAY 1:

A fun and intimate day with le boyf. :)

I really missed this. When we were still attending classes, we frequented this place. We just love how serene and relaxing this one place seem to be. We have taken too many strolls down its pavement and grasses; sat at all the cemented benches; looked at the different clouds passing by; and talked about all too many dreams, plans, frustrations and happiness. Freedom Park will always be a special place for the two of us - it has been that sole place that has seen us and our love blossom.Aw! Mushy! HAHA
DAY 2:

Lunch at Eat Sumo and dinner at Auntie Pearl's

Of course, an elbi visit can never be complete if we do not meet-up with friends. The people we have learned to call friends will always be dear to us aside from the place itself. "Lahat ng bagay nagiging masaya kapag kaibigan ang kasama". True enough. ☺




DAY 3:

Fun fun day with Grekka, Nica and Kuya Wilson. As always, I extended my elbi stay. Was supposed to go home the day after but due to that overwhelming happiness only felt with closest friends, I ended up staying a tad longer than planned. Pero okay lang. Sulit na sulit namang talaga!
Nang magising si Nica, narealize niyang gusto niya talagang mag-swimming. So, an hour later, tadaaaah! Nasa Pook na kami ni Mariang Makiling at nageenjoy sa mainit na panahon at malamig na tubig. Sarap eh! ♥

Elbi will always be that one place I can de-stress. It has always been that comfort zone that clothes me whenever I'm down. Will always be thankful to it esp. for the friends I've made through the years. Until my dearest friends are there, I won't ever tire of going back again and again and again. ☺

In my point of view

I've never realized how much importance I give to education until now. 

I did not attend the best Universities in the whole world, growing up. But to me, they were the perfect institutions that could have possibly honed me. They were the perfect ones to somehow be able to equip me with the real world emotionally and professionally. 

The first time I entered elbi, I instantly felt I was home. Just everything about it is intellectually engaging - from the environment, ambiance and most especially the people.

There were tough times, I know. Times when I felt my body was about to give up. But only because of piled-up requirements - consequences of a sloppy time management. BUT never was I ever tired of studying - of learning. By each requirement I was able to accomplish, with each hour I spent past my bedtime and away from friends, there was never an instance when I thought what I was doing's just plain stupid and unnecessary to give my brain something to keep its juices flowing.

Today, the harsh reality of the education system here in the Philippines slapped me flat on the face with an extra kick on the side.

To earn the units I still lack for MedSchool, I had to enroll for summer classes this month until next. To keep long story short, I happen to enroll at this school because the admission for summer classes on all other Universities that offers the courses I need is already closed (sorry, it never occurred to me that most schools' summer admissions usually runs for 2-3 days only). 

The doubts started creeping in last week while inquiring about the courses. As I was about to pay tuition to register, I asked the admissions' office regarding the schedule of my class on Human Anatomy and Physiology. I was informed over the phone, during the assessment of requirements and up until filling-up the registration form that yes, there will be an Anat&Physio course offered this summer, but I just can't help but wonder why it is not on schedule yet. So, I was told I just have to look for a certain doctor who happens to teach that subject. I went looking for him/her on the whole building, but encountered him/her not. So, I went on the accounting to register the subjects, taking the word of the school officials that there will really be a summer offering of the courses I need. On assessment of fees, I had no other reaction but shock. The miscellaneous and other fees were higher than the actual tuition. Pambihira namang talaga. Hindi ba nila alam na bawal yun? 

And as with all other bad odors, it moves in slowly from the source to where you're situated until you can no longer hide the fact that you're smelling it and you can't stand the stench. 

So, with the only schedule I had, I went yesterday to attend our supposedly first meeting for microbiology. On arrival, the professor's perplexed rants welcomed me. The schedule posted on the offices is different from the one she has. She made me sit in class, regardless. No introductions, no feel-good warm-up discussion of the course outline, or what-have-you, we instantly started with exercise 1 - we had to draw the compound microscope, label it and define each part. That exercise was supposedly just right; but on a first day? Come on!  PLUS, we had tons of assignments which includes the naming of 50 microbiologists and 50 parasitologists and give all their major contributions. Sinasabi ko na nga ba kalokohan to. Ano ako highschool student na bibigyan lang ng assignment for the sake na may mailagay sa column ng 'Assignments'? At sa dinami-dami nang pwedeng ibigay bakit yung isang bagay pa na wala naman akong matututunan? Aanhin ko yan? Aanhin mo din yan? For sure maski ikaw hindi mo rin naman kilala lahat ng nailista ko diyan. But, with all these, I still ended up doing it.

Our first meeting ended with us, students finally getting her name AND a final head count of 6 students (3 for each course - mcb and zoo).

Though tired as I was, I still managed to finish all the assignments she required. I started doing it at 7 in the evening and found myself struggling to finish at about half past 12 midnight. It was that bad looooong.

Then comes the second day...

I guess the worse is yet to come should have been the warning sign at the school gate today. We started discussion (finally!) but still about the microscope. We ran through the different types, parts, uses, terms in relation to it but she seemed to forgot the most important thing that should be taught in any biology-related  class, let alone a laboratory - HOW TO USE IT. No kidding, some were clueless about the parts, can't even explain it through their own words AND don't know the basics on how to handle a microscope. No wonder the microscopes on their laboratory are close to being trash. They do not teach students on its proper handling. I bet the microscopes at IBS and IC in elbi are waaaaay older and yet all of it can still function better than the ones they have. Ever heard of equipping the technical knowledge with the practical one? No? So, I've figured.

And here is today's highlight: we did 4 exercises today! FOUR! F-O-U-R FOU-freaking-R! Any sane person will know that 4 exercises can never be done in one meeting unless one is planning to stay until forever, and not to mention totally unfair.

There are lots of teachers (or professors, for that matter) that equate teaching with slide reading and providing requirements just for the sake of having something tangible to bring home from class. They never read it, believe me. They often just base the grades on how many pages were written at and usually, based on the neatness of the assignment. My professor this summer was of no exemption.

It's just saddening to know that these privately-taught kids are being grounded this way and they don't seem to care at all. I've attended private institutions as well BUT I've never had professors this lazy that it's already sickening. How can one student not mind not getting the learning his/her's money's worth? How can they stand that their parents are working SO hard and yet here they are wasting preciously-earned money in an institution that can't even get them intellectually motivated? And despite all these these students still want to get all the excuse there is to not attend any class. Unbelievable. Totally unacceptable.

My heart is crying for those students who actually care - for those who want to have better options but are just not getting it; the parents who are dreaming of a brighter future ahead - thus leaving everything up to the future generation of their lineage; future employers - for having to deal with unqualified employees partly because of being victims of circumstances and mainly because of their lack of tenacity to learn; and most of all to our country - how can it improve and prosper if the future generation is just slacking off and not building dreams and actually living it?

Then again, I may have been just blessed to be able to attend schools of good caliber, shielding me away from the knowledge of these kinds of practice. For that I have my parents to thank.

Well, so much for Jose Rizal's belief and faith in the Filipino youth
and all its capabilities and prowess. 

Our government should really have a well-grounded education system. Without it, our fight for improvement is just an aimless arrow shot.

Why hello again, Uniform!

Mukhang I'll be within white bounds again soon and by this time
I won't be just wearing it during laboratories.
Better prepare for that.

Been daydreaming too much ayan tuloy I haven't noticed how time was flying. Almost all schools offering Anatomy-Physiology and Genetics/Microbiology already closed their summer admissions - FEU, PCU, SLU. Been calling everywhere this morning while battling all the nervousness and blame down at the back of my head. I should've fixed this long ago.

Gosh. Buti na lang may PCHSI (kahit unknown siya at nabasa ko lang siya sa isang blog. Haha). I just have to rush, though. I have to go there tomorrow to inquire about their admission as classes start on monday. It's official. I'll be a Manila girl once more!

You will be forever missed and loved, Lolo Tatay

I've always had a hard time saying goodbyes. I'm as clingy as can be. My mind is fixated on this childhood fantasy that everything  everyone will stay for as long as I want them to be - for as long as I can hold on to them.

Writing this doesn't even  make it easier. I don't know what to say without fighting back tears. Just this morning I found out that my grandfather died. Our house help told me so before I was about to start eating and as you may have guessed, eating didn't come off as easy, either.

I'm planning on making a more decent post about this in the next coming days when I'm more myself already. This is actually my first time to face death head-on. When I was younger, I used to run away from it as long as I can. It was traumatic in a way. Hopefully, this time I'd be able to mourn well and honor our loving and great grandfather's memory the best way I can.

P.S. This just makes it far more worse. Here we are, about to celebrate the latest feat my brother has accomplished with heavy hearts and burdensome pain at the expense of a loss of a great one . Life's little ironies.

Perplexed

I was the second one to be interviewed and realized upon opening the office door on exit, that I was the last one to leave as well. Now I can't help but batter my brains inside out while trying to think if it's a good thing or a bad one.

Did my answers sound fabricated? Do I look like someone who is not determined to enter Med School? Is there something wrong with wanting to help? Is it really superficial for people nowadays to actually genuinely serve his/her countrymen especially the needy ones? What is wrong with being contented with fulfillment? Is there not one other person aside from me that does not consider (even to the slightest atomic sublevel) money as gauge of self-worth and career advancement? Do I look like someone who'll work only for money?

If I wear dresses and is a girly type of lass, that doesn't reduce the fact that I can also be your adventurous, cowboy-type. If you haven't been on slums, that doesn't mean I haven't been to as well. I guess experience-wise in terms of community service, I have more than you. I have been to squatters' areas, slums, helped Mangyans, homeless people, children and adults alike, and have not once thought of asking for money for my services. I don't see anything wrong with public service and I will stand firm on all the things I said until eternity. People have different opinions, and are all entitled to one. I respect whatever you believe at, you may have seen the business head-on for more years than I have, but that doesn't mean that there are no people like me - people who are ready to offer this country the service it has long been thirsting for. Then there's another thing we can't be on the same page for - you see it as a business, I see it as a venue for social change.

I have to say, the most difficult part of an interview will have to be the commute back home. 

If only I knew this song that Monday afternoon, or before it, I would have sung my lungs out in front of my interviewer just so I can have a rebut when she said:

"Hindi pa ako convinced sa mga sagot mo" (I am not yet convinced with your answers);

and whenever she made faces and raised her eyebrows with matching "Sigurado kaaaaaa?!" (Are you sure?!) whenever I talk about public service and all the things I stand ground for. 

Please, wag mo akong itulad sa'yo.

What song is stuck in your head right now?

Shanice Wilson's Saving Forever for You. Ang lupit kasi ng rendition ni Juris sa ASAP Rocks last sunday. :))

Know me more. All you have to do is ask :)

:(

Click here to read more of the news 

My heart goes out to all the Japanese out there. :( I have lots of Japanese friends so I can't help but be really affected by this incident. :( All my hopes and prayers goes out to them :(

NOTHING BUT GRATITUDE

This is from PLM-College of Medicine, 

Please be informed that you are

scheduled for an interview on

MARCH 14, 2011 at 1PM,

regarding to your application for MCAT.

Please reply to confirm you received 

the text and signify your attention to

come by giving your name. 

Thank you.

That explains all the ecstasy and gaiety I'm feeling right now. UNBELIEVABLE. Thank you God and everyone there is to thank. My heart still keeps skipping a beat every time I think of it. Med School, here I coooooooome! ☺

I'll soon be back at the comforts of school and study. ♥

A song about me

I have never been a believer that just one song can catch all there is in your life. I mean, come on! Who can be such a marvelous of a songwriter that even one person can relate wholly to just one particular song? Well, apparently, there are people like that and just this morning I found the theme song of my current life.

Duffy - DISTANT DREAMER from the album Rockefeller

I can't help but actually laugh as I was listening to the chorus part. The song says it all. A-MAAAAA-ZUNG.

P.S. Did I ever mention that this is just brilliant?

Dirt is Wealth!

It definitely has been a while since I last had the urgency to write, let alone open my blog. I have been awfully busy for the past days. Busy (still) worrying about the result of my exam (I mean seriously, why does the result have to be released only AFTER A MONTH?! Only in the Philippines); planning the next getaway with friends; actually meeting friends; and most importantly, tending to my sick bodeh.

Growing up, I haven't been very sickly. I've never been actually confined at a hospital or a clinic even. But things decided to take a turn come College days. I instantly  found myself getting flus, upper respiratory tract infections, and what-have-you's almost every month. And every time I give Manila a visit, my home welcomes me with a cold or cough, or both. Through the years, my body has learnt not to be immune with dust, smoke and all the dirt there is, which by the way comprises almost 100% of the environment.

When I have little kiddos of my own, I swear I'll expose them to all the dirt there is early on so they won't follow the footsteps of this feeble lass.

P.S. Ash Wednesday pala ngayon? I didn't know until a friend posted something on Facebook. I cannot quite remember when did I start not to care. Or come to think of it, did I really as in genuinely cared at all for this in the first place?

Hindi ako Lasenggera

Taken September of 2008. Grekka and I looking young and tipsy.

As one of my students happen to mention about drinking beer tonight, I came to realize that it has been a long time since I last drank one. Life really is different when apart from that one I used to call College.


When I was a University student, I often drink alcohol with friends. Don't get me wrong here, I am no alcoholic and party-addict. From time to time, we just like celebrating and ending a long, tiring and stressful day with our favorite drink at hand at our favorite place with our favorite people. There was even an inside joke that students in our campus are wild party-goers. Well, I don't know about all people in our lot for I cannot speak for them, but in my crowd, it was never like that. We just party to  laugh at our nitwittedness, talk about our misgivings, rant about frustrations and basically, to just enjoy each other's company. Savoring the alcohol just comes second. 


Spending nights with friends over alcohol is the thing that I would never have traded even if offered with a hefty price. It is priceless and more often than not, how I met my dearest friends that I still hold on up 'til now. 


Talking with my student kind of made me realize that I miss beer. My taste buds' longing for its bitter taste, my nose for its stenchy smell, and my eyes for its wiwi-looking color. But more importantly, I miss my friends and our reckless dispositions, our vibe for adventures and that feeling of youngness that got us into thinking that we're invisible, all-knowing and we've got the rest of our lives to toy around with. Gawd, I miss college. I miss tisi.

I find solace in writing

...and I don't care if you like it or not.

Just another heartache

Maria Aragon - Gaga's recent favorite

Time and again, there are certain videos that I certainly love that lands a spot here on my blog. And I usually make it a point that it's something to inspire not only me, but other people as well. 


Today, I woke up still feeling sullen about my exam yesterday. Try as I might, I can't get it off my head. It was a dream. It was my dream for the longest time and I feel like it's being nabbed away from me just like that. It is painful, I must tell you. All the while I was commuting back home, I was fighting back tears. I don't think any preparation could  have prepped me for that exam. Being one wide-reader could have been one. Well, I'm a wide-reader myself, but... Okay, so let me rephrase that, being an extra-super-duper wide-reader could have been the ultimate preparation for it. 


So today, out of routine, I checked on the internet and one thing led to another until my fingers landed me on this one. Such an adorable kid, YES, an amazing talent, too. But what caught me more are the words of this song. Very timely. You know those moments when you're depressed or heartbroken or just merely sad when you think almost all love songs and blues out there are dedicated to you? Well, this is that moment for me, only, this ain't no love song, it's a Pop song, actually. This kid's rendition's just the perfect way to soothe my nerves for today and calm my spirits. The next question now is, how long will it last before I start aiming for my jugular vein?


I don't know.


I need friends ASAP. Plus coffee, plus laughter, plus extra loads of wonderful people. And most especially, my lovelife.

I have one word for you, exam:

UKINAM!

Pwedeng kada shade ko ng sagot eh sinasabi ko sa'king utak ang mga katagang: 'P*kening P*kP*k'. Whatever that means.

When you think WAY too much

Taken on Oct. of 2008 at IPB, UPLB during our research

Sabi nila, there are 7 kinds of intelligences. Hindi ka man magaling academically, posibleng magaling ka sa ibang bagay katulad ng pagpinta, pagsayaw, pagkanta, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero siyempre mas bongga ka kung more than one ang intelligence na meron ka. Halimbawa na lang, magaling ka na sa acads, magaling ka pa sa sports at arts. O di ba, ang cool mo nun?


Sabi din nila, lahat ng nasa UP, matatalino, sa libu-libo ba namang kumuha ng UPCAT, isa ka sa privileged few na pumasa at natanggap sa prestihiyosong Unibersidad. Pero katulad ng nakararami, sabi rin (at pakibilang na rin ako sa kanila), mas mahirap makalabas ng UP kesa makapasok. Tama. Napatunayan ko yan. Pero siyempre rin, wala pa ring tatalo sa lahat ng natutunan mo sa eskwelahang yan. Lahat na ata matututunan mo - mapa-academics, lablayp pati practicality maituturo sa'yo. Talaga namang proud akong sabihing, binuo ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ang pagkatao ko.


Having said all of these, tila may mga bagay din namang hindi maituturo sa iyo. Mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang ituro dahil hello, you should've mastered it a long time ago (as in 2nd grade time pa dapat). Kaya kanina, habang nagninilay-nilay ako kung ano ba ang mga posibleng itanong sa exam bukas, eh napaisip ako. Actually, andami kong naisip.


Sa dami ng nabasa kong reviews/blogs about MCAT, dalawang bagay lang ang tumatak sa isip ko, mahirap siya at basic concepts ang kasama. Kinabahan tuloy ako. Naalala ko ang NMAT ko. Maniniwala ba kayong sa Physics and Chemistry part, hindi ako nag-solve? Okay, well, sinubukan kong mag-solve for one number pero nang marealize kong hindi ko talaga maalala ang formulas, eh nanghula na lang ako sabay dasal sa lahat ng pwedeng madasalan na sana kahit kalahati ng hula ko eh tumama? Well, siguro more than half ang tumama pero hindi nito maiaalis na kinakabahan na ako lalo ngayon dahil baka swerte lang talaga para sa'kin ang 2010 at baka hindi ko na dala ang swerte ngayong 2011. Sooooo, kakaisip ko ng mga pwedeng itanong bukas, bigla kong naisip ang mga bagay na sobrang bopols ako.


I thought about clouds.


Yes friends, nakakahiya mang aminin, UPian ako pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga pinagkaiba ng mga ulap. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ilan ba talagang klaseng ulap meron tayo at hindi ko na pinag-aksayahan pang alamin. Hindi sa nagrarason ako eh, no, pero tandang-tanda ko na Grade 2 yan nang itinuro sa amin. At sakto, absent ako! Pagpasok ko kinabukasan, biglang hinanapan ako ng teacher ko ng Assignment, kelangan ko daw i-drawing ang lahat ng klase ng ulap. Asaan na daw?! Yes, pinagalitan ako. Buti na lang mabait ako nun at hindi ko siya sinagot ng: "Hello?! As if naman alam kong may assignment. Ikaw ba ang absent-minded o ako? Nakalimutan mo na bang absent ako yesterday?". So, umuwi akong hindi alam ang mga ulap at bigo dahil feeling ko napakawalang-kwenta kong estudyante, hindi gumagawa ng assignment. So ayun, after nun, sinumpa ko ang mga ulap and yes, ang aking teacher. But, don't get me wrong, I'm really not making an excuse here. ☺
Going back, pwede bang mag-solve na lang tayo ng mga mathematical problems magdamag; gumawa ng research papers, case studies; iexplain ko sa inyo ang different processes na nangyayari sa loob ng inyong katawan (kahit hanggang cellular level pa if you want); o hindi kaya naman magkwentuhan tayo about sa pathology ng diseases? Pwedeng yun na lang at wag na natin pag-usapan ang mga ulap at halaman? 
Yes, please pakisama na rin ang nature sa mga "Topics you should refrain from mentioning when edz is around". Nabanggit ko na ba na, pare-pareho lang para sa singkit kong mga mata ang lahat ng puno/dahon sa buong mundo? Oo, alam kong iba-iba sila pero kahit buong taon mo akong kwentuhan about sa Taxonomy ng Plant species eh hindi talaga siya kayang i-grasp ng aking utak, at kung after a year ay tatanungin mo ako kung ano'ng puno ang kahit anong Palm tree, with all pride and dignity ko pa ring isasagot sa'yong, "Hello?! Ano akala mo sa'kin tanga?! Malamang coconut tree!"


Lahat naman tayo may flaws, di ba? O, eto ang isa sa'kin. Gusto ko lang i-share dahil alam kong matatawa kayo. ♥


But then again, baka hindi naman siya itanong. Haha

Something new

Because I'm finally feeling the summer heat, here's something new for a change! :)

How'd you like my new blogger template? Isn't it refreshing just in time for this dry season? :)

Ang Pag-Iiibig kong Ito, Luha ang Tanging Nakamit Buhat Sa'yooo

Gustuhin ko mang ibahagi sa inyong lahat ang aking mga karanasan nitong nakaraang weekend, na talaga namang nagpakumpleto sa (tingin kong) malungkot at platonic kong buhay, eh sadyang hindi ko pa talaga magawa. Gusto ko kapag naidetalye ko na ang mga bagay-bagay, kumpleto, walang kulang, at panay labis na ekspresyon lamang para naman maramdaman niyo talaga ang aking pagkamangha at pagkahumaling sa lugar na iyon. I want to justify its grandness, kung baga. Dahil diyan, ibubuhos ko na lang muna ang spot na ito sa isang bagay na nagpapabigat sa dibdib ko makailang araw na rin naman.


DISCLAIMER: Ito ay pawang kathang-isip lamang. Kung ang mga karakter, sitwasyon at lugar ay nahuhugis sa mga kakilala o naranasan ninyong mga bagay, pasintabi na lamang.


I am a very emotional and emphatic person. I easily absorb whatever other people are feeling. Sometimes it's very helpful, at most times it isn't. I even remember one time when I pleaded friends to stop first seeking a confidant in me just because I can no longer concentrate in my own life and feelings. It almost felt like I'm already living their lives for them - their emotions controlling the whole of me. It was bad. I hated those times. It didn't helped me in any way either. My life became a mess along with them. So now, I am trying my hardest not to be too emphatic, too moved and affected with other people. But, I just have to make an exception with this one. I have always had a soft spot for goodbyes.


Nothing beats the loneliness a long-distance-relationship brings. I should know for, my partner and I are on that exact situation, but being provinces apart is different from being countries apart. Just the thought of meeting with your other half on a monthly basis is unbearable. What more if you are totally unable to whenever, right?


Recently I found out that a friend had to totally separate with a loved one because of the difficult situation an LDR brings. I do believe that parting with someone even if both of you still love each other is the most difficult break-up there is. I just couldn't help but cry for them - let those unwelcome tears roll for them since they cannot for themselves for as you may have guessed, they are still enjoying each and every moment they're together. So here's a song for you guys and everyone else suffering the same plot (as I am not in the position to spill each and every detail):

DISTANCE AND TIME

by Alicia Keys

You are always on my mind 

all I do is count the days 

where are you now? 

I know I never let you down 

I will never go away 

I really wish that you'd stay but what can we do 

all the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you 

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home 

No matter how far you are 
no matter how long it takes him 

through distance and time 

I'll be waiting 

and if you have to walk a million miles 

I'll wait a million days to see you smile 

distance and time, I'll be waiting 

distance and time, I'll be waiting 

will you take a train, to meet me where I am 

are you on your way? 

I will never do anything to hurt you 

I'll never live without you 

I really wish that you would stay but what can we do 

All the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you 

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

Now you know why I'm not such a fan of Love Stories be it on film or in writing. I just cry my eyes out every time; spend lots of hours thinking about the manipulated reality created in it. It is always difficult to detach myself in any situation I'm watching or hearing, thus affecting my own emotions. Weird, I know. But sometimes, it helps. I just can't pinpoint now how.


So, friends, let's just watch some Rambo now, shall we?