Ouchie times two times three times four

Something's wrong with my tummy. Being depressed and having an upset stomach is the worst combination ever. Masakit na sa heart and soul, masakit pa sa tiyan and ___. 

TABULA RASA: Toughen up little soldier, toughen up

 Often in our lives do we find ourselves unexpectedly falling in a pit that seem to be endless, scary, dark and achluophobic. Oftentimes too, do we grope and fumble in search of that "light" that we only make up in our heads; or, make ourselves believe in false hopes that lead us to making up our own versions of reality which in truth is definitely far from one. And often do we try to make ourselves feel better by just shrugging everything off, thinking that it is the best possible way we can do to cope.

Yes, pits can give us that sense of affright we don't expect to get when we're traveling our way in this thing called life. It may well be scary, but isn't that the thrill to it? What's the use of having to live a life where one already knows EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of the future?

I had someone remind me recently that life goes on that way - it never gives us exactly what we want. Sure, sometimes it does, but not all the time. You just have to make do of anything and everything that you currently have.

A few months, weeks, days ago, I had a different thought on what I'd write under this same title. That time, I thought it'll symbolize the new life I'd be facing as I fulfill my life-long dream. I was wrong. Life flatly shouted, "Not for you, dear! Another time, another day!". Well, for that, someone out to teach Life on how to be polite and subtle.

Oh well, 'another time, another day,' it is, then. I'm done crying about it. Well, it did do me good for a couple of days, mind you. But after some time, I tired of it - making myself sad. There's no one in this world capable of bringing and making your self feel pain than yourself. So, I eventually realized that crying may seem to help emotionally and mentally, but it won't help in actually solving the problem. And whoala, here I am, trying my best to slowly face it head-on.

I am not a believer that our lives are already crafted out for us. For all I know, we all are makers of our own destiny and that so-called destiny is the end of our own means. And so for that destiny of mine, this is just another bump on the road - one of the pivoting forces I may be able to use someday to plummet my way to reach what seem to be unreachable as of now. I know one day, I'll look back, and think that I truly needed this whole time and experience to be where I've always wanted to be.

These may all seem to be pretty amazing and ideal. But honestly, I don't believe all of these yet. The important thing is, at least I'm already getting there. Acceptance is such an aversive little thing. For now, I'd like to think of this as a new passageway. A clear passageway instead of a dark, scary one. A new clean slate instead of a cleaned slate. And deep down, I know, I'm already getting excited of all the things I can put in it to finish my collage at the end of this all.

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