This July: Don't you worry...♥

...because even if life offers problems difficult to handle than it seem;
...because even if sometimes we rarely find time to be at peace even with our own selves;
...because even if we encounter people highly different from ourselves;
...because even if stressors in life are everywhere;
...because even if delegated tasks are more than what your two hands can bear;
...because even if we don't get to have everything in life;
...because even if we don't get to be always with the people we love;
...because even if we don't always get what we want;
...because even if it's too difficult to be thankful and grateful for blessings;
...because even if life places you in roads where optimism is too difficult to find;
...because even if we often fail;
...because even if others look down on us;
...because even if frustrations get the best of us;
...and because even if no one understands exactly the difficult shit we're at...

...as Bob Marley puts it, "every little thing's gonna be alright"

...and because you're the only one with the capability to actually ruin or make your day. ♥

"Que Sera Sera"

For the first time, I feel all heavy on the inside but can't seem to muster up a decent thought or two. I can't even get the inspiration to write when I know for a fact most people will (given the situation). What a fucked up life. Good thing the maid has gone AWOL. I have lesser time to dwell on my feelings. What better way to console oneself than to bury all the problems with house chores? Cheers to allaying things one day at a time!

Unfamiliar plane

And it's one of those nights wherein you feel alone, depressed and uncalled for. 

It's hard to be depressed, mind you. A lot of people claim they are when they only think they are. 

When you're already in it, you honestly can't shout it out the whole world just because you do not want where you're currently at.

You don't like your predisposition. You want a way out only, you can't.

You can't because you have your worst enemy. And it's yourself - more particularly, your mind.

Sometimes you actually think you're crazy, having all these thoughts, these 'plans'.

And it's not good; it can never be. 

But most of the time you just want someone to talk to, more so, to listen. 

And you can find no one around - not because there ain't any, but because true friends are rare these days.

Friends who won't pass any judgment; friends who will directly tell when they do have made some judgments. 

I miss my friends.

I miss myself.

Somehow, some way, I have lost her. And I better find her soon else, I'd be alone, empty, shallow

and lonely in this endless pit. 

ALONE. LONELY. EMPTY.

IN THIS ENDLESS PIT.

Perplexed

I was the second one to be interviewed and realized upon opening the office door on exit, that I was the last one to leave as well. Now I can't help but batter my brains inside out while trying to think if it's a good thing or a bad one.

Did my answers sound fabricated? Do I look like someone who is not determined to enter Med School? Is there something wrong with wanting to help? Is it really superficial for people nowadays to actually genuinely serve his/her countrymen especially the needy ones? What is wrong with being contented with fulfillment? Is there not one other person aside from me that does not consider (even to the slightest atomic sublevel) money as gauge of self-worth and career advancement? Do I look like someone who'll work only for money?

If I wear dresses and is a girly type of lass, that doesn't reduce the fact that I can also be your adventurous, cowboy-type. If you haven't been on slums, that doesn't mean I haven't been to as well. I guess experience-wise in terms of community service, I have more than you. I have been to squatters' areas, slums, helped Mangyans, homeless people, children and adults alike, and have not once thought of asking for money for my services. I don't see anything wrong with public service and I will stand firm on all the things I said until eternity. People have different opinions, and are all entitled to one. I respect whatever you believe at, you may have seen the business head-on for more years than I have, but that doesn't mean that there are no people like me - people who are ready to offer this country the service it has long been thirsting for. Then there's another thing we can't be on the same page for - you see it as a business, I see it as a venue for social change.

I have to say, the most difficult part of an interview will have to be the commute back home. 

If only I knew this song that Monday afternoon, or before it, I would have sung my lungs out in front of my interviewer just so I can have a rebut when she said:

"Hindi pa ako convinced sa mga sagot mo" (I am not yet convinced with your answers);

and whenever she made faces and raised her eyebrows with matching "Sigurado kaaaaaa?!" (Are you sure?!) whenever I talk about public service and all the things I stand ground for. 

Please, wag mo akong itulad sa'yo.

A little humility doesn't hurt, people!

I really hate people with some ere of kayabangan. They're just everywhere, lurking around, broadcasting themselves, and seem to can't get enough of water from the fountain of arrogance.

Someone told me to look at it differently. Okay fine, so this is my best attempt at understanding them.

Maybe...

... they're just being misinterpreted? By those reading them - literally and figuratively. Well yes, that may be the most plausible explanation there is, but then again, what if arrogance shows not only once, twice nor thrice, but every-freaking-time? Well, then maybe, just maybe, their chests' not high enough to carry their heads.

... they don't mean to be arrogant, that's just the way they were raised?
Oh please?! How can someone raise another with all the arrogance in the world? Don't look at me. I don't know either. And I know not one person who wants his/her child to be as arrogant as ____.

... erm... uhm... Okay, so I ran out of reasons. Maybe you guys out there can just help me out in here. Maybe you have better thoughts as to why these people turn out the way they did and act the way they do. (And maybe, you can also teach me as to how to better handle these sort of people because to be perfectly honest, I'm running out of patience).

Oh why haven't been they acquainted with you, Mr.Frank Lloyd Wright?
Or better yet, why haven't they read The Old Man and the Sea
or at least opened the page that speaks of
humility?

A fresh start is what I need (goodbye laziness and comfort zone)

“we all do that, postpone life until we believe we have what it takes to actually live it”

"take note and take care, because sometimes it’ll be too late, and all we’d be left with are abandoned hopes and broken dreams"

Lately, I have been shunning these small signs fate's throwing my way. Even if I'm just here at home, nothing to meddle with but other people's lives, somehow (and sometimes I don't know exactly as to how), I am able to come across sites, movies, quotations, that I like to think, are leading me to this one path. 


The future is something so undecipherable that most of us often wonder and worry as to what it beholds for us. I, for one, am one of the many people who thinks about the future more than I do at the present. I am afraid of what's in store for me and that's one thing I am not very much proud of. I tend to worry more of what will happen to me tomorrow that I often forget to live at the present. I tend to plan too much of the things that I still do not have to begin with. I want a lot of things in life but I just can't seem to get myself make that one small step to bring me closer to those dreams. I have become so afraid that moving doesn't seem to be an option anymore - I tend to only succumb in my comfort zone making it impossible for me to really live and experience the world, and take risks. I know I want a lot of things in life but I'm not fighting a fare battle by NOT GIVING LIFE WHAT IT DESERVES - myself. 


Days of rest turned into weeks and now it has almost been a month. It is tiring to see the world go on without you. It is frustrating to see how fast other people's lives change and have only yours dwindling every second in one end of the world - your world. You tend to envelope yourself in self-pity and belittling. You even start to refer to yourself in the 3rd person to lessen that pain and shame by being so incompetent and of no use. 


Yes, I've been there, and I'm tired of being in that sole place. It is somewhere I wouldn't want to find myself after a few more days (or months, for that matter). So, thank you This Is Manila.tumblr.com for inspiring me. This photograph of yours spoke to me in more ways than one, not to mention the caption you have presented it with. These frustrations has got to end. These self-doubts and fears need to disappear. I am ready to take on life in a newer perspective. I am now more than ready to take a risk and try my luck. I am competent, I just lack that inner drive and desire to move my ass. Because seriously, what is there to be frustrated about when you do not do something about it in the first place? How can I be so depressed when I don't even have that courage to job hunt? All I have are these urges to get a life and own it but am not actually taking that step to really have it.


So, yes, world, I'm ready to take my take on you. I am more than ready to experience you. And I am now ready to make a move and take that one step.

Job-hunt mode, officially ON!

Staying home isn't helping me at all. I thought I'd be able to rest for awhile and find myself in the process. But all I got were frustrations, unfulfilled dreams, and envy from accomplished people my age, among others.

Now I know what I need - and a breather is definitely not it. I need to experience the world. I need a life. I have been succumbing to this place for the longest time when I should be out there exploring the world. As young as I am, I should not be a home-buddy. I should not be a couch potato. I should be out there, making the real path for my future. I should be out there meeting people for my future web of connections. 

I therefore conclude, it is time to move away. It is time to find a job that suits me - not a self-serving one, as I have decided years back, but something that can help me help others in the process. Nutritionist-Dietitian, on-duty! :))

Frustrations

For almost a year now, I've been eyeing this one particular camera and promised myself that before the year ends, I should own one already. But, come 2 months before year-end, I still think I cannot have one yet. So, I adjusted my deadline for myself. So, 'why not make it January since it'll be your birthday?' I asked myself, but thinking of it now, I don't think I can still have it by then. Poor me. 

If I'd be upgrading to a DSLR, definitely it'll have to be a Panasonic or Olympus.

So for 2 weeks now, I've been finding myself browsing review after review, blogs of prices and sample images of DSLRs and pro-sumer cameras. After days of pure hard work, at least I've narrowed it down to 2 camera brands. HAHA

This thus only translates to more working hours and saving. Geez, I really have to save up more to get one of these!