Excited? YES. VERY.

I've never been this eager to go and watch a performance since the first Katy Perry and Taylor Swift concerts here in Manila. For those of you who don't know. I wasn't able to come watch both of it. For the K.P., my friend and I already have the tickets but we had to reimburse it because a strong typhoon hit the Philippines and the schedule was moved to a later date which translates into the-day-she's-already-in-Thailand. And for T's concert, we were already sweeping ticket outlets a month prior the concert, but it was sold out - so they say. Only to find out that on the concert day itself, extra tickets were being sold. Talk about unfair. But the good part is, I got to spend my money on many other things. Hehe

So, this morning as I was browsing the internet (as usual), I came across someone mentioning The Phantom of the Opera. She was a Filipina so, by connecting the dots, you might as well also get into the conclusion that the play will be shown in the Philippines! Ha! FINALLY! I can't believe that I'm only months away from watching it. Even as a girl, when the movie came out (with Emmy Rossum) in it, I just knew I had to watch that play - that and Cats. Well, it might have been a little too late for me and Cats since they've already been here in the Philippines and I didn't get to see the show, but it still isn't too late for me and The Phantom. :)

I did want to go and watch Cats. I remember telling my mom that but she just told me it won't be such a great idea because the Phantom of the Opera's better. I no longer contested. She was able to watch both on Broadway, anyway. So, who am I to oppose? :) And so finally, the time has come for me to watch on my own the Opera I've been hearing much about. I can't wait for August/September. So right now, I have to learn whatever it is to learn about the play; read my book of it; and earn what I need to spend for the play tickets. Summer job it is, then! :))

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A confession...sort of

I am a very negative person. I easily get irritated, linger at anger, worry, doubt and frustration. Hence, the depression. In the past year or so, I have dealt differently with people; been on the verge of self-destruction, and everything just fell out of place. I knew everything's so off in my life. I knew something was wrong with  me.

I know I have been blaming med school and all the stress it brings for all of the things I have been feeling, doing, and thinking as of late. But that even isn't a good excuse or close to one. I have changed and I alone have allowed that change. I have noticed change and didn't even bother on correcting myself. I was the worst self-tyrant there is. I have been the worst person I could possibly become.

Today, I was finally able to watch The Secret. A self-help movie of some sort which speaks of the Law of Attraction. I remember hearing it a lot from people and I was able to read a few pages of it while I was with the boyfriend (he had an ebook of it on his phone). But, I wasn't able to finish it of course. I didn't intend on finishing in the first place for it was one of the books I'd like to get my own copy of.

"Thoughts become things", they say and I must agree to that. For the longest time, I have attracted the negative things that came with my whole pessimism phase. There even came a point where rants were the only words that came out of my mouth. I have equated commenting with complaining. And of course, it did me no good. The more I focused on the 'bad', the worse I felt and the manifestations were worst. So anyway, to make the long story short, it made me realize how much of a plaintive girl I've been. Haha

A snapshot from the movie The Secret

So, this blog entry goes out to all the people I've wronged, disappointed and have channeled my sheer bad attitude to. I am sorry. I know it is too difficult to handle an all too difficult person. And of course, I know too well that negativity can be very contagious. This goes out most especially to people I got to deal with on a daily/frequent basis for the past couple of months. I'm a tough one to handle, but I'm hoping against hope that hurts are not the only things I've caused you, lot. Hehe

So, having said all these, I'd like to change my first statement: I used to be a very negative person. Now, I'm more than willing to do something about it. From this day forth, I will aim to become a better person in every aspects of life.

How much is too much?

There are all sorts of love. From Colors of Love, written by J.A. Lee in 1973, he identified six kinds of relationships that might be called as love: Eros - the romantic, passionate love; Ludus - the playing, uncommitted love; Storge - slow-developing, friendship-based love; Pragma - the mutually beneficial, unromantic love; Mania - obsessive, possessive love; and Agape - the gentle, caring, giving type of love. I say, there's a 7th kind of love - the pathetic, obsessive, cheap and unrequited love and I'd like to call it Diana. 

Thepast few months have been a struggle for Sam and I. We haven't been seeing as often as before; we are stressed out more than our individual lives could handle; and are just tired of how life is slowly moving for the both of us. To make things worse, this girl came and claimed things of all sorts, harassed me in every way possible in all of my social networking sites and just wouldn't stop

Last January, I unluckily found out that this particular girl has been consistently sending me messages on twitter, facebook, tumblr, etc. I initially got irritated, of course. She was feeding me things - LIES. The "biggest lie" as Sherlock puts it - a lie so big, enveloped in the truth that you'll be doubting the real truth as well. This was a rather "wise" (sort of) way to put things in retrospect considering how cheap and pathetic the means were. Of course, I was shocked. I mean, I never thought of these kinds of things even before Sam and I got together. It was just not in his personality and he had a lot of personal experiences in regards to cheating that he himself despises those who are capable of such. So, I eventually shrugged it off. 

Weeks have passed that I began forgetting about her. I mean, I was busy and had a lot of better things to mind, so it wasn't at all that hard. Then, a big fight came and a friend unintentionally mentioned her in one of our conversations. So, being a curious mutt as I am, I visited her site again only to find out there were new pictures of her and the boyfriend - together. I GOT PISSED (to put it lightly). Who wouldn't? Those shots had to be new. The boyfriend and I haven't talked about her for awhile and the last time, I remembered asking him if she has ever visited in Puerto and the response was a "No". So, yes, it was new. 

Hours passed and I suddenly got an explanation from the boyfriend. He said, they had a common friend - his officemate. He told me, this guy friend of his invited him over a drinking session and when he got there, she was there. Being polite as he was, he didn't leave and just stayed. I say, she planned it all up - a set-up just so she can be with him. I mean, if it was a "highschool reunion" why would she suggest to that guy to invite Sam? PATHETIC. Brainless move. Can you be any more conspicuous? Well of course he said, he can't jump into conclusions about things as those are only the facts that he knows before and upon getting there and he'd never do anything to jeopardize the relationship that we have built just for that. I believe him. But then again, that doesn't change the fact that I utterly abhorred what happened.

After contemplating on things, I realized that THIS HAS TO STOP. I've been passive about it but it doesn't mean that I am complacent about it. This has gone on the extremes. I never even thought that this kind of delusional act will last for months! I mean, in my world, women don't do that! Ladies don't act that way! So maybe this is life's way of teaching me that there are people like that - cheap girls like that. 

I'm sorry about all the anger this post brings but I am just overwhelmingly pissed at the situation. There's just enough bullshit one person can take and I have to say that the final line has definitely been crossed. 

Below this line are things directed to you, ole' miss for I know that you have a habit of reading my blog, among the other few things your mind is capable of reading. Use the google search box if you can't understand. I know it'll be of much use to you.

STOP ALL THESE NONSENSE. You want Sam? You can go and have him. I'll bet you my life he won't go even a single step towards you if I dump him. The only edge you have over me is that you are geographically near him. But we both know that'll change soon, don't we? Is that the reason why you're trying to play all of your chips now? Desperate? So I thought. 

STOP MESSING WITH US. What else do you want? You have caused one or two fights here and there but can't you see, that's all you can do to affect us?

You know the best part? He laughs at the absurdity of the things you are saying to me, your posts, pictures and all. 

Go and find another person to bother with your irritating and pathetic self for I am already sick of it.

Shout-outs to random people II

I kind of started this years ago on my Multiply account. Things I want to but cannot say in person because yes, I'm such a coward and yes, even if I can sometimes be rude, I don't think it's fair to be directly blunt to everyone. So, here goes:

You are one helluva plastic bitch. I sincerely mean that. How can there be a liar, fake and egotistic mammal hiding behind that happy mask of yours? Up til this day, I still can't comprehend you. Seems like, everything is a competition for you, eh? Well, whatevs. I'll get over you. I no longer have to see you on a daily basis anyway.

I have embraced our differences already - sort of. You're no longer that irritating for me. I mean, your old ways are still there - rude, boastful, a-hole. But still, you're kind of more acceptable right now than you were years ago. Amazing how the University changed you. I do hope you learn more. It suits you, really. :)

I hate you. The minute I heard you introducing yourself in front of class, I already hated you. You're the epitome of a controlling, nagging, self-righteous, selfish girl. You want to be alone, you say? Yeah, good luck with that. As Jay Manuel puts it, "...attitude can spread like a brush fire and then no one will touch you no matter how great you are "

You seriously need some help, brother. I really do think it's time to acknowledge that fact. It doesn't even mean that you're incapable; it only goes to show that you know you can't do everything and sometimes, things are just beyond your (our) control. You see, with what you're doing now, you're not only dwelling on the problem (which is counter-productive), but you're also throwing away everything you currently have. So, piece of advice, snap out of it! Or else, you just might end up one day, shocked that everything you held on true and important are gone - sailed away, far beyond your reach, along with all the problems you kept trying to control.

So here's your prize for pissing/touching me. A spot on my blog! Isn't that such an honor? Haha

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