A confession...sort of

I am a very negative person. I easily get irritated, linger at anger, worry, doubt and frustration. Hence, the depression. In the past year or so, I have dealt differently with people; been on the verge of self-destruction, and everything just fell out of place. I knew everything's so off in my life. I knew something was wrong with  me.

I know I have been blaming med school and all the stress it brings for all of the things I have been feeling, doing, and thinking as of late. But that even isn't a good excuse or close to one. I have changed and I alone have allowed that change. I have noticed change and didn't even bother on correcting myself. I was the worst self-tyrant there is. I have been the worst person I could possibly become.

Today, I was finally able to watch The Secret. A self-help movie of some sort which speaks of the Law of Attraction. I remember hearing it a lot from people and I was able to read a few pages of it while I was with the boyfriend (he had an ebook of it on his phone). But, I wasn't able to finish it of course. I didn't intend on finishing in the first place for it was one of the books I'd like to get my own copy of.

"Thoughts become things", they say and I must agree to that. For the longest time, I have attracted the negative things that came with my whole pessimism phase. There even came a point where rants were the only words that came out of my mouth. I have equated commenting with complaining. And of course, it did me no good. The more I focused on the 'bad', the worse I felt and the manifestations were worst. So anyway, to make the long story short, it made me realize how much of a plaintive girl I've been. Haha

A snapshot from the movie The Secret

So, this blog entry goes out to all the people I've wronged, disappointed and have channeled my sheer bad attitude to. I am sorry. I know it is too difficult to handle an all too difficult person. And of course, I know too well that negativity can be very contagious. This goes out most especially to people I got to deal with on a daily/frequent basis for the past couple of months. I'm a tough one to handle, but I'm hoping against hope that hurts are not the only things I've caused you, lot. Hehe

So, having said all these, I'd like to change my first statement: I used to be a very negative person. Now, I'm more than willing to do something about it. From this day forth, I will aim to become a better person in every aspects of life. ☺