How much is too much?

There are all sorts of love. From Colors of Love, written by J.A. Lee in 1973, he identified six kinds of relationships that might be called as love: Eros - the romantic, passionate love; Ludus - the playing, uncommitted love; Storge - slow-developing, friendship-based love; Pragma - the mutually beneficial, unromantic love; Mania - obsessive, possessive love; and Agape - the gentle, caring, giving type of love. I say, there's a 7th kind of love - the pathetic, obsessive, cheap and unrequited love and I'd like to call it Diana. 

Thepast few months have been a struggle for Sam and I. We haven't been seeing as often as before; we are stressed out more than our individual lives could handle; and are just tired of how life is slowly moving for the both of us. To make things worse, this girl came and claimed things of all sorts, harassed me in every way possible in all of my social networking sites and just wouldn't stop. 

Last January, I unluckily found out that this particular girl has been consistently sending me messages on twitter, facebook, tumblr, etc. I initially got irritated, of course. She was feeding me things - LIES. The "biggest lie" as Sherlock puts it - a lie so big, enveloped in the truth that you'll be doubting the real truth as well. This was a rather "wise" (sort of) way to put things in retrospect considering how cheap and pathetic the means were. Of course, I was shocked. I mean, I never thought of these kinds of things even before Sam and I got together. It was just not in his personality and he had a lot of personal experiences in regards to cheating that he himself despises those who are capable of such. So, I eventually shrugged it off. 

Weeks have passed that I began forgetting about her. I mean, I was busy and had a lot of better things to mind, so it wasn't at all that hard. Then, a big fight came and a friend unintentionally mentioned her in one of our conversations. So, being a curious mutt as I am, I visited her site again only to find out there were new pictures of her and the boyfriend - together. I GOT PISSED (to put it lightly). Who wouldn't? Those shots had to be new. The boyfriend and I haven't talked about her for awhile and the last time, I remembered asking him if she has ever visited in Puerto and the response was a "No". So, yes, it was new. 

Hours passed and I suddenly got an explanation from the boyfriend. He said, they had a common friend - his officemate. He told me, this guy friend of his invited him over a drinking session and when he got there, she was there. Being polite as he was, he didn't leave and just stayed. I say, she planned it all up - a set-up just so she can be with him. I mean, if it was a "highschool reunion" why would she suggest to that guy to invite Sam? PATHETIC. Brainless move. Can you be any more conspicuous? Well of course he said, he can't jump into conclusions about things as those are only the facts that he knows before and upon getting there and he'd never do anything to jeopardize the relationship that we have built just for that. I believe him. But then again, that doesn't change the fact that I utterly abhorred what happened.

After contemplating on things, I realized that THIS HAS TO STOP. I've been passive about it but it doesn't mean that I am complacent about it. This has gone on the extremes. I never even thought that this kind of delusional act will last for months! I mean, in my world, women don't do that! Ladies don't act that way! So maybe this is life's way of teaching me that there are people like that - cheap girls like that. 

I'm sorry about all the anger this post brings but I am just overwhelmingly pissed at the situation. There's just enough bullshit one person can take and I have to say that the final line has definitely been crossed. 

Below this line are things directed to you, ole' miss for I know that you have a habit of reading my blog, among the other few things your mind is capable of reading. Use the google search box if you can't understand. I know it'll be of much use to you.

__________________________________________________________

STOP ALL THESE NONSENSE. You want Sam? You can go and have him. I'll bet you my life he won't go even a single step towards you if I dump him. The only edge you have over me is that you are geographically near him. But we both know that'll change soon, don't we? Is that the reason why you're trying to play all of your chips now? Desperate? So I thought. 

STOP MESSING WITH US. What else do you want? You have caused one or two fights here and there but can't you see, that's all you can do to affect us?

You know the best part? He laughs at the absurdity of the things you are saying to me, your posts, pictures and all. 

Go and find another person to bother with your irritating and pathetic self for I am already sick of it.

Shout-outs to random people II

I kind of started this years ago on my Multiply account. Things I want to but cannot say in person because yes, I'm such a coward and yes, even if I can sometimes be rude, I don't think it's fair to be directly blunt to everyone. So, here goes:

You are one helluva plastic bitch. I sincerely mean that. How can there be a liar, fake and egotistic mammal hiding behind that happy mask of yours? Up til this day, I still can't comprehend you. Seems like, everything is a competition for you, eh? Well, whatevs. I'll get over you. I no longer have to see you on a daily basis anyway.

I have embraced our differences already - sort of. You're no longer that irritating for me. I mean, your old ways are still there - rude, boastful, a-hole. But still, you're kind of more acceptable right now than you were years ago. Amazing how the University changed you. I do hope you learn more. It suits you, really. :)

I hate you. The minute I heard you introducing yourself in front of class, I already hated you. You're the epitome of a controlling, nagging, self-righteous, selfish girl. You want to be alone, you say? Yeah, good luck with that. As Jay Manuel puts it, "...attitude can spread like a brush fire and then no one will touch you no matter how great you are "

You seriously need some help, brother. I really do think it's time to acknowledge that fact. It doesn't even mean that you're incapable; it only goes to show that you know you can't do everything and sometimes, things are just beyond your (our) control. You see, with what you're doing now, you're not only dwelling on the problem (which is counter-productive), but you're also throwing away everything you currently have. So, piece of advice, snap out of it! Or else, you just might end up one day, shocked that everything you held on true and important are gone - sailed away, far beyond your reach, along with all the problems you kept trying to control.

So here's your prize for pissing/touching me. A spot on my blog! Isn't that such an honor? Haha

I have chosen to just laugh about it

For today, I:

• *drew three men. Two of which involves drawing their whole abdominal and guts area just so I can portray the quadrants and regions of the body AND the the last one being the luckiest who gets to have all his insides and other parts complete (yes, ALL intricate parts one can think of);
• *drew the cell and its parts (which by the way is a 4th for me in the span of 4 meetings);
• *drew the phases of mitosis (the last time being on my second year in high school);
• *started reading one of the 4 chapters that wasn't discussed at all but we're gonna have an exam on;
• *burst of all the things that got me into the conclusion that for the last 2 weeks that I've been attending classes, I AM STILL NOT LEARNING ANYTHING.

I also:

• *reminisced at the discussion we last had during my human anatomy and physiology class (fondest memories will have to be: my prof saying that The Curious Case of Benjamin Bottom is a true to life story; and our National bird is an Eating-Monkey Eagle);
• *recalled our last mcb lab: which includes having to sit-in for an examination with a different section OF A DIFFERENT SUBJECT (what the hell, right?!); my prof forgetting about the exam; her forgetting about everything that lapses in an hour; AND having to sit-in for another laboratory class with a different subject, specifically zoology and end up having to do MORE than the zoo kids;
• *ranted with the boyfriend of all the things that has happened with me on that school since I went in.

On one side, it is indeed very irritating and painful in the head. WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! But at the end of the day, one need not be affected with all these things, or at least try to be. Rant it all out ONCE, and then forget about it. I guess that'll be the best way to handle it. By this time, I have indeed accepted the fact that expectations - my expectations - were not met at the very least, even. 

Oh well, that's life. You get lemons, squeeze them and get some mungbean in return instead of a lemonade. Surprise, surprise! 

O, BILI BILI NA! HOPIA MUNGGO, HOPIA MUNGGO! 

Just another heartache

Maria Aragon - Gaga's recent favorite

Time and again, there are certain videos that I certainly love that lands a spot here on my blog. And I usually make it a point that it's something to inspire not only me, but other people as well. 


Today, I woke up still feeling sullen about my exam yesterday. Try as I might, I can't get it off my head. It was a dream. It was my dream for the longest time and I feel like it's being nabbed away from me just like that. It is painful, I must tell you. All the while I was commuting back home, I was fighting back tears. I don't think any preparation could  have prepped me for that exam. Being one wide-reader could have been one. Well, I'm a wide-reader myself, but... Okay, so let me rephrase that, being an extra-super-duper wide-reader could have been the ultimate preparation for it. 


So today, out of routine, I checked on the internet and one thing led to another until my fingers landed me on this one. Such an adorable kid, YES, an amazing talent, too. But what caught me more are the words of this song. Very timely. You know those moments when you're depressed or heartbroken or just merely sad when you think almost all love songs and blues out there are dedicated to you? Well, this is that moment for me, only, this ain't no love song, it's a Pop song, actually. This kid's rendition's just the perfect way to soothe my nerves for today and calm my spirits. The next question now is, how long will it last before I start aiming for my jugular vein?


I don't know.


I need friends ASAP. Plus coffee, plus laughter, plus extra loads of wonderful people. And most especially, my lovelife.

I have one word for you, exam:

UKINAM!

Pwedeng kada shade ko ng sagot eh sinasabi ko sa'king utak ang mga katagang: 'P*kening P*kP*k'. Whatever that means.

NMAT-whut?

I can't quite remember what my day was like yesterday. All I remember was, I got surrounded by geeky awkward boys trying to be cool by showing off their wheels (which by the way does not reduce the fact that they are total losers), screaming girls, and all sorts of people with confidence way bigger than their heads - or bodies. 
Getting irritated this much with youngsters comes with aging? Well yes, maybe I am getting old. Haha Hindi ko na nga ata napansing nag-exam pala ako. Haha 

Rants 003: Furiously agitated with Cere-freakin'-f*ck

Our salary's for pick-up.

GREAT. Just great. I just don't see the point, really. Why can't they just deposit it to my account so everybody can stay right where they want to be?! Hello, it's called TECHNOLOGY, people!


I'm freakishly disappointed! Gosh, this has already taken the toll out of me! The project's done ages ago but until now it's still consuming the hell out of me. I'm no longer part of you guys, for crying out loud! F*cking company. F*cking SV. F*cking Finance Dep't.

Not once EVER did you give justice to your project name. Buwisit.

Now you can clearly see why I needed that rest badly. Pff!

Rants 002: Backtrack

Things will always remain difficult if not everyone’s doing their part.

I actually am proud of my first job. The experience is great, the job title is cool, and the pay is okay. During the training, I honestly thought that I will be able to do all my tasks. It won’t be a problem since I’m used to juggling and fitting my tasks on a hectic schedule – I have PGH to thank for that. I never got into thinking that this job wouldn’t be as great as I thought it would be if my teammates wouldn’t be doing theirs. It’s a pain in the ass, really – LITERALLY.

I know something was already off during the training. I knew well enough that most of my coordinators are far from all the expectations everyone has. We had our demo until 8pm as proof for that. But I shrugged it off. I thought that they learned A LOT from all the comments and critiques they got and they’ll eventually apply it on their respective jobs. I was wrong.

I have never been this frustrated with other people before. I’m used to making my way through a world with a lot of people better than me. I’m used to dealing with people who knows what they want and their way on things. I’m used to working with people who don’t need a litany of answers for simple tasks. I’m used to being with people who understand the instruction before they actually even finish reading the sentence. Don’t get me wrong, can deal with the masses, I know how to adjust when the situation calls for it. How can you not feel the way I’m feeling when the people I’m talking about are the ones within your league; professionals as you are and had almost the same undergraduate experiences as you did? I won’t ever tire of repeating it – IT’S FRUSTRATING.

I have already done my part, constantly reminding what to accomplish and what to do. Even the simplest details, I make sure to relay just so everything will be clear. Why is it ever difficult to do the things you know you should be doing, in the first place? Is it really that hard to understand that you have to type and send me a soft copy through email and NOT scan it, but you scan it anyway? For a week now, I have been trying to decipher what the root cause of all this mess is. I was only able to come up with one –LISTENING. Yes, they never listen. Hearing can never the same as listening – it is not one and the same. If I can just make them listen to me even for awhile; if they’ll just let themselves listen carefully on what is being said, then maybe, reminders won’t be necessary. Jobs will be a pound easier and I’ll be happier.

So yeah, wait for me there. I’ll be coming within this week, and I’ll deal with you head on. You haven’t seen what anger really means, not yet. 

"And I know I'll be telling myself time and again that this will only be just for a month, just for a month"

Rants 001: Who needs help?

I'm going ballistic right now. Literally. Simple tasks become complicated when there's no one to guide you through it. Demmit. Even the internet's not helping. I swear, I won't go home this afternoon without a single requirement at hand. Grrr!

"All commend patience, but none can endure to suffer."

~Thomas Fuller