everyday in every way

Hindi ako Lasenggera

Taken September of 2008. Grekka and I looking young and tipsy.

As one of my students happen to mention about drinking beer tonight, I came to realize that it has been a long time since I last drank one. Life really is different when apart from that one I used to call College.

When I was a University student, I often drink alcohol with friends. Don't get me wrong here, I am no alcoholic and party-addict. From time to time, we just like celebrating and ending a long, tiring and stressful day with our favorite drink at hand at our favorite place with our favorite people. There was even an inside joke that students in our campus are wild party-goers. Well, I don't know about all people in our lot for I cannot speak for them, but in my crowd, it was never like that. We just party to laugh at our nitwittedness, talk about our misgivings, rant about frustrations and basically, to just enjoy each other's company. Savoring the alcohol just comes second.

Spending nights with friends over alcohol is the thing that I would never have traded even if offered with a hefty price. It is priceless and more often than not, how I met my dearest friends that I still hold on up 'til now.

Talking with my student kind of made me realize that I miss beer. My taste buds' longing for its bitter taste, my nose for its stenchy smell, and my eyes for its wiwi-looking color. But more importantly, I miss my friends and our reckless dispositions, our vibe for adventures and that feeling of youngness that got us into thinking that we're invisible, all-knowing and we've got the rest of our lives to toy around with. Gawd, I miss college. I miss tisi.

I find solace in writing

...and I don't care if you like it or not.

Just another heartache

Maria Aragon - Gaga's recent favorite

Time and again, there are certain videos that I certainly love that lands a spot here on my blog. And I usually make it a point that it's something to inspire not only me, but other people as well.

Today, I woke up still feeling sullen about my exam yesterday. Try as I might, I can't get it off my head. It was a dream. It was my dream for the longest time and I feel like it's being nabbed away from me just like that. It is painful, I must tell you. All the while I was commuting back home, I was fighting back tears. I don't think any preparation could have prepped me for that exam. Being one wide-reader could have been one. Well, I'm a wide-reader myself, but... Okay, so let me rephrase that, being an extra-super-duper wide-reader could have been the ultimate preparation for it.

So today, out of routine, I checked on the internet and one thing led to another until my fingers landed me on this one. Such an adorable kid, YES, an amazing talent, too. But what caught me more are the words of this song. Very timely. You know those moments when you're depressed or heartbroken or just merely sad when you think almost all love songs and blues out there are dedicated to you? Well, this is that moment for me, only, this ain't no love song, it's a Pop song, actually. This kid's rendition's just the perfect way to soothe my nerves for today and calm my spirits. The next question now is, how long will it last before I start aiming for my jugular vein?

I don't know.

I need friends ASAP. Plus coffee, plus laughter, plus extra loads of wonderful people. And most especially, my lovelife.

I have one word for you, exam:

UKINAM!

Pwedeng kada shade ko ng sagot eh sinasabi ko sa'king utak ang mga katagang: 'P*kening P*kP*k'. Whatever that means.

When you think WAY too much

Taken on Oct. of 2008 at IPB, UPLB during our research

Sabi nila, there are 7 kinds of intelligences. Hindi ka man magaling academically, posibleng magaling ka sa ibang bagay katulad ng pagpinta, pagsayaw, pagkanta, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero siyempre mas bongga ka kung more than one ang intelligence na meron ka. Halimbawa na lang, magaling ka na sa acads, magaling ka pa sa sports at arts. O di ba, ang cool mo nun?

Sabi din nila, lahat ng nasa UP, matatalino, sa libu-libo ba namang kumuha ng UPCAT, isa ka sa privileged few na pumasa at natanggap sa prestihiyosong Unibersidad. Pero katulad ng nakararami, sabi rin (at pakibilang na rin ako sa kanila), mas mahirap makalabas ng UP kesa makapasok. Tama. Napatunayan ko yan. Pero siyempre rin, wala pa ring tatalo sa lahat ng natutunan mo sa eskwelahang yan. Lahat na ata matututunan mo - mapa-academics, lablayp pati practicality maituturo sa'yo. Talaga namang proud akong sabihing, binuo ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ang pagkatao ko.

Having said all of these, tila may mga bagay din namang hindi maituturo sa iyo. Mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang ituro dahil hello, you should've mastered it a long time ago (as in 2nd grade time pa dapat). Kaya kanina, habang nagninilay-nilay ako kung ano ba ang mga posibleng itanong sa exam bukas, eh napaisip ako. Actually, andami kong naisip.

Sa dami ng nabasa kong reviews/blogs about MCAT, dalawang bagay lang ang tumatak sa isip ko, mahirap siya at basic concepts ang kasama. Kinabahan tuloy ako. Naalala ko ang NMAT ko. Maniniwala ba kayong sa Physics and Chemistry part, hindi ako nag-solve? Okay, well, sinubukan kong mag-solve for one number pero nang marealize kong hindi ko talaga maalala ang formulas, eh nanghula na lang ako sabay dasal sa lahat ng pwedeng madasalan na sana kahit kalahati ng hula ko eh tumama? Well, siguro more than half ang tumama pero hindi nito maiaalis na kinakabahan na ako lalo ngayon dahil baka swerte lang talaga para sa'kin ang 2010 at baka hindi ko na dala ang swerte ngayong 2011. Sooooo, kakaisip ko ng mga pwedeng itanong bukas, bigla kong naisip ang mga bagay na sobrang bopols ako.

I thought about clouds.

Yes friends, nakakahiya mang aminin, UPian ako pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga pinagkaiba ng mga ulap. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ilan ba talagang klaseng ulap meron tayo at hindi ko na pinag-aksayahan pang alamin. Hindi sa nagrarason ako eh, no, pero tandang-tanda ko na Grade 2 yan nang itinuro sa amin. At sakto, absent ako! Pagpasok ko kinabukasan, biglang hinanapan ako ng teacher ko ng Assignment, kelangan ko daw i-drawing ang lahat ng klase ng ulap. Asaan na daw?! Yes, pinagalitan ako. Buti na lang mabait ako nun at hindi ko siya sinagot ng: "Hello?! As if naman alam kong may assignment. Ikaw ba ang absent-minded o ako? Nakalimutan mo na bang absent ako yesterday?". So, umuwi akong hindi alam ang mga ulap at bigo dahil feeling ko napakawalang-kwenta kong estudyante, hindi gumagawa ng assignment. So ayun, after nun, sinumpa ko ang mga ulap and yes, ang aking teacher. But, don't get me wrong, I'm really not making an excuse here. ☺
Going back, pwede bang mag-solve na lang tayo ng mga mathematical problems magdamag; gumawa ng research papers, case studies; iexplain ko sa inyo ang different processes na nangyayari sa loob ng inyong katawan (kahit hanggang cellular level pa if you want); o hindi kaya naman magkwentuhan tayo about sa pathology ng diseases? Pwedeng yun na lang at wag na natin pag-usapan ang mga ulap at halaman?
Yes, please pakisama na rin ang nature sa mga "Topics you should refrain from mentioning when edz is around". Nabanggit ko na ba na, pare-pareho lang para sa singkit kong mga mata ang lahat ng puno/dahon sa buong mundo? Oo, alam kong iba-iba sila pero kahit buong taon mo akong kwentuhan about sa Taxonomy ng Plant species eh hindi talaga siya kayang i-grasp ng aking utak, at kung after a year ay tatanungin mo ako kung ano'ng puno ang kahit anong Palm tree, with all pride and dignity ko pa ring isasagot sa'yong, "Hello?! Ano akala mo sa'kin tanga?! Malamang coconut tree!"

Lahat naman tayo may flaws, di ba? O, eto ang isa sa'kin. Gusto ko lang i-share dahil alam kong matatawa kayo. ♥

But then again, baka hindi naman siya itanong. Haha

Something new

Because I'm finally feeling the summer heat, here's something new for a change! :)

How'd you like my new blogger template? Isn't it refreshing just in time for this dry season? :)

Ang Pag-Iiibig kong Ito, Luha ang Tanging Nakamit Buhat Sa'yooo

Gustuhin ko mang ibahagi sa inyong lahat ang aking mga karanasan nitong nakaraang weekend, na talaga namang nagpakumpleto sa (tingin kong) malungkot at platonic kong buhay, eh sadyang hindi ko pa talaga magawa. Gusto ko kapag naidetalye ko na ang mga bagay-bagay, kumpleto, walang kulang, at panay labis na ekspresyon lamang para naman maramdaman niyo talaga ang aking pagkamangha at pagkahumaling sa lugar na iyon. I want to justify its grandness, kung baga. Dahil diyan, ibubuhos ko na lang muna ang spot na ito sa isang bagay na nagpapabigat sa dibdib ko makailang araw na rin naman.

DISCLAIMER: Ito ay pawang kathang-isip lamang. Kung ang mga karakter, sitwasyon at lugar ay nahuhugis sa mga kakilala o naranasan ninyong mga bagay, pasintabi na lamang.

I am a very emotional and emphatic person. I easily absorb whatever other people are feeling. Sometimes it's very helpful, at most times it isn't. I even remember one time when I pleaded friends to stop first seeking a confidant in me just because I can no longer concentrate in my own life and feelings. It almost felt like I'm already living their lives for them - their emotions controlling the whole of me. It was bad. I hated those times. It didn't helped me in any way either. My life became a mess along with them. So now, I am trying my hardest not to be too emphatic, too moved and affected with other people. But, I just have to make an exception with this one. I have always had a soft spot for goodbyes.

Nothing beats the loneliness a long-distance-relationship brings. I should know for, my partner and I are on that exact situation, but being provinces apart is different from being countries apart. Just the thought of meeting with your other half on a monthly basis is unbearable. What more if you are totally unable to whenever, right?

Recently I found out that a friend had to totally separate with a loved one because of the difficult situation an LDR brings. I do believe that parting with someone even if both of you still love each other is the most difficult break-up there is. I just couldn't help but cry for them - let those unwelcome tears roll for them since they cannot for themselves for as you may have guessed, they are still enjoying each and every moment they're together. So here's a song for you guys and everyone else suffering the same plot (as I am not in the position to spill each and every detail):

DISTANCE AND TIME

by Alicia Keys

You are always on my mind

all I do is count the days

where are you now?

I know I never let you down

I will never go away

I really wish that you'd stay but what can we do

all the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

No matter how far you are
no matter how long it takes him

through distance and time

I'll be waiting

and if you have to walk a million miles

I'll wait a million days to see you smile

distance and time, I'll be waiting

will you take a train, to meet me where I am

are you on your way?

I will never do anything to hurt you
I'll never live without you

I really wish that you would stay but what can we do

All the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

Now you know why I'm not such a fan of Love Stories be it on film or in writing. I just cry my eyes out every time; spend lots of hours thinking about the manipulated reality created in it. It is always difficult to detach myself in any situation I'm watching or hearing, thus affecting my own emotions. Weird, I know. But sometimes, it helps. I just can't pinpoint now how.

So, friends, let's just watch some Rambo now, shall we?

Unexpected

I did something totally random but (I think) counts as good today.

I've finally had the courage to ask someone's forgiveness from the feud we've had ages ago. I will no longer get into the minute details of it, but from my end, I guess it's a stupid, childish fight over something totally irrelevant.

It feels great, though. As cliche as it sounds, it's as if a torn has been pulled off my chest.

No matter how she takes it, I'm glad I had the courage to finally do it. It's rejuvenating and something that's been long overdue.

I am a believer that friendships can never end once it has started. I just hope she feels the same way. I am actually looking forward to finally make peace with her - it may not be now, but I'm willing to wait. She can take all the time she wants as long as at the end, I can still find that friend I used to have in her. ☺

Let me tell you about myself

I am just reacquainting myself with music recently. For the longest time, I have shunned my world of tunes just because I believe I'm too busy to even muster up a song or two. Then the moody episodes started, depression, loneliness, self-doubt and loss of self-control. Somewhere, I just had to stop myself from thinking about all too many things and just concentrate on that one thing that made me so nice and goody-goody before. I had to think for the longest time what has actually been missing in my life that has always relaxed and soothed my every mood. Then it hit me - music. For the whole duration of my college life, I don't think I have seen it as a necessity to help me bring my A on the game. I've been concentrating so much on requirements that I have failed to recognize that hey, your demeanor and self comes first, it's the most important thing because without it, you'll end up accomplishing nothing. And so I did - accomplished nothing and found myself groping for some guidance just because I barely know myself anymore. I have been breathing and living each day just to finish my degree, accomplish requirements and get good grades. I was the worst kind of zombie there is. I came to and fro school without the slightest eagerness to learn, but just for the sake of getting by it.

I have missed out on a lot of things maybe because I have been busy making good conversations with people, eating out and having fun, or studying lessons, but that isn't a good excuse even. Well, they - my friends, for that matter - do so also but did not miss out on anything. They still find time to listen to music and know the latest buzz of things here and there. As I come to realize awhile ago, I have chosen to forget who I used to be trying my hardest to cope with everything. Well, even coping is an understatement. I have been trying all these years to be best in everything I do that whenever I fail, depression and self-rejection gets into me, thus shrouding myself more to a pit where the gates-man's no other than myself alone.

Lemme give you the perfect example.

I used to like writing poems. I write poems whenever there's time, inspiration, and just whenever I feel like. I like writing poems about love, most especially because there really is an innate romantic in me. I write whenever I'm in love and whenever a cute love story inspires me. I write about love even if I don't feel loved. I write about it because deep down, I can never refuse that belief in love and all it brings. I write about other things as well. I remember my highschool friends asking for poems - my poems. That felt good. It has always felt good knowing that certain crowd appreciates your work. Then, self doubt started creeping in. I guess it started when I had my Humanities class back in College.

I had this professor that I really look up to. He can give you long lectures about anything without even buckling and losing words. He's too good that all his narrations start to feel memorized, only it really isn't. He's just one of those rare highly intelligent ones that can express everything he wants to say perfectly both in written and verbal ways. So, as we were having this one class late one afternoon, he was discussing about some prose we were asked to read at home, and suddenly, out of nowhere, kind of remembered something that he needs to tell us. That instant was one of those moments I just wish I was absent - skipped classes, went for a walk with the boyfriend, ate street foods with friends, hanged out at our favorite campus spot, or just practically doing anything, anywhere besides being on that class - or better yet, just not listening, texting or whatever so long as I am not able to hear what he was able to say. But then he said it anyway. He blurted it out, stinging every inch of me as if his greatness isn't enough to intimidate every inch of my being and suck the humanity out of me. Well, that's an overstatement, of course. But, yes, I heard him say "A poem is not a poem if it isn't two-dimensional. If you only have one meaning on your poem, then it isn't one... you are not a great poet if you can't at least bring 2 meanings at your poem". And that's the end of my being a poet. That also was the instant I've given up on writing just because writing poems, short stories, essays and feature stories kind of mean the same thing to me. The root of it all comes from one thing - my love for literature. And having someone slap me in the face with those sharp words was enough to suck inspiration out of me the way dementors use to. Then there were only crappy essays for school requirements and researches that followed suit. I lacked the creativity that I used to have. I lacked that belief in literature. I lost the feeling of fulfillment I used to have whenever I finish a work of art. For the nth time in my college life, I have let other people tell me that I am no good and there are a lot of others that are out there - far better than me.

I have come to realize just now that I didn't just let it get into me because some award-winning, highly-acclaimed professor said so, but it was mostly because of this mentality I used to have - I have always wanted to best everything and everyone. Now, I have come to realize that being best at something isn't fulfillment at all. Being best at something may be a good thing at times, but it isn't equated with fulfillment most of the time. AND, one does not need to be best at EVERYTHING. So long as you are doing things that you love, it's enough, and who know's by practicing your craft, you might end up being the best in the long run, after all.

So today, I have decided to bring that love of poetry back to life. I'll start writing again. There may be someone better than me at it, but that's not the point. There's just that small part of me that I have to resurrect for it has been submerged in the dark for the longest time. AND, for the past months, I've been downloading and starting to listen to tunes again. It does me good, really. Day by day, I am being in control of my emotions already, instead of it taking control of me. I must say, I am getting good at handling myself already.

Now I know why a lot of people from other countries need shrinks to get back on life. And those geddem shrinks as Dr. Phil are making bazzillions of money out of it. It sounded absurd to my young self, then, but now I fully realize that we sometimes need an outsider's perspective to deal with our lives. We do sometimes need help because more often than not, we do not know how to handle other people's lives, let alone our own.

This alone time is actually doing me good. It has brought me back to my senses just in time before I lose myself again in the next coming months. Haha

I am,

indeed,

a king,
because I know how
to rule myself.

~Pietro Aretino, 10 May 1537

DISCLAIMER: This post may have got you into thinking that I was an A-student, or that I studied my lessons diligently and have been the most responsible and studious student there is, Haha! I'm sorry but I was none of that. So please don't be blindfolded by it. As in all things in literature, it is fabricated for the greater good. ☺

2010 is for finding myself

As anyone who knows me would know, I just get random thoughts in my head like most of the time. So just this morning, this random thought just popped into my head: No more ~~envious~~ episodes. No more ~~wishing or half-wishing, for that matter, of someone else's life, things, everything~~. I have got to finally accept who I am (not that I still don't, but, FULLY ACCEPTING something is far different from PARTLY doing so).

No matter the difference, that little self-rejection can pollute the whole of your being and life, in general. So yes, from this day forth, I am embracing (as in wholly) what life I have been given, what situation I'm at, what skills I am capable of doing.

I just came to realize that this whole envying just leads me to hating myself and everything that I have when in fact I have a lot, and sometimes more than others.

Come to think of it, I have been fully blessed and more this past year, most especially. But still, I have been busy wanting things I don't have that I often neglect the wonderful things that I do have. So yes, I am now done hiding under the shadows of my fears and doubts.

Hello, new world of wonderful options! Hello, 2011!☺

Along with this, I would want to give my hands up to these wonderful ladies who have shown the world how great it is to be one's own self. You have made me believe that other people's perceptions about you are irrelevant so long as you are confident of your own skin. ☺

1. Kendra Wilkinson

I ~~like~~ her. I just love her. I know a lot of people don't because they've had prejudices against her since she's been a playmate on the girls of the playboy mansion, but, I just can't stop adoring her sense of humor and strength. She's shown the whole world how difficult and yet possible it is to break out of other people's judgments. Plus, I do enjoy watching her reality show. Haha

See, I even like the way she babbles about things. Haha!

2. Anne Curtis

I admit, she has not been a personal favorite at first, just cause. Well, anyway, she is now, and even has a spot on my post. Well, I admire everything about this girl here. She has shown everyone how she can be good in her craft even if everyone else's had doubts. She used to be this wild party girl (or, that's how she was portrayed by the media), but she was able to come out of that - better and more beautiful. Today, she not only stands as an inspiration to women but to young adults and children as well. Talk about refinement.

3. Felicity

I know that she's just a fictional character, but I can't help but include her. Haha! She has shown everyone that she can do massive things by just believing in herself. She has shown that mistakes are part of one's life and committing them isn't a sin - it's all normal so long as giving up can never be an option. I love her optimism, her belief in life and all it brings. I have come to admire this woman when I was still an elementary student and am still in love with her up til this date.

I have been meaning to finish this post for almost 3 months now but can't somehow do so. I just feel like it lacks something. Something that I cannot put a word into. Then, I stumbled upon this and figured this will be the best way to end a post as this. The last lady I'd like to give my hands up to is P!nk. She has been an inspiration to a lot of women and has continued to be one in the most unconventional ways. When everyone else's getting thin, I can't believe but admire her when she stood firm and said that she doesn't want to be one and she embraces that she's on the heavier and masculine side. She's the perfect example for self-acceptance and this song of hers couldn't have put it in the best way.

And here's the second music video that landed on my blog.

Pink's Fuckin' Perfect.

Enjoy! :)

So, for all the young ladies out there, enjoy being you - different, fun and wonderful in all your ways. You may not know it, but someday, some way, you are going to be a breath of hope and inspiration to others by being just you. ☺

Sweet Escape

One does not remember the last time, how long or how many times experiencing something unless it is experienced again. It has become so common of us to not take note of sweet simple gestures unless we have something to remind us of it - something to finally make us remember.

My day started unusually glum - I had to process requirements again for my admission and went through a rigorous screening for the application in the college of medicine. Take note, that initial screening is just for qualifying if I'm fit to take their exam. I do believe I'll undergo more extrenuous interviews in the future, not to mention the exam itself, before I even get to enter their prestige University. Imagine the tiredness, sleepiness, and nervousness I was feeling. Phew! Please don't even let me get started with that. So yes, I have not been having the greatest morning. I came home still kind of sullen and found nobody else around but our dogs. GREAT. Another reason to think much of the past events of the morning. But then, something caught my eye above our TV set. Upon looking at it, it has instantly made my day.

I have not come to realize that the last time I have received a mailed letter (as in snail-mailed, handwritten, and personally addressed to me) was when I was on the 2nd grade. And that was even from my bestfriend (I remember Monica was her name) at that time; and it was a subject requirement. Haha! But that still counts, right? Since then, all I've been receiving were letters here and there from school admissions, licensure exams and graduate/alumni stuff. Come to think of it, in my entire life, I've only received 2 letters - including this one I'm holding now. ☺

For the longest time, I've not been surprised this much. I'm just so happy. The mere thought of having someone to go that extra mile than just greeting me on my birthday is enough to make me abashed. It's the sweetest thing, really. ☺

The letter's from one of my Japanese students. He gave me a greeting card for my birthday. The letter enclosed in it was just simple, including a lot of thank you's for all the help and birthday greeting. What touched me more was he still thought of sending me a card even if on the day of my gaiety is also the day he's undergoing a major surgery. I'm just so touched and overwhelmed.

During these modern times, it has been made easy for us to communicate with anyone who's anywhere else in the world. So long as there's an internet connection, whoala! One is few clicks away from greeting, conversing and having fun with friends. But personally, I think no advance technology can beat that sense of on-hand experience one can have with seasoned ways. After 22 years, I finally received my second letter :)

Yes, the first thing I did upon seeing it was to pose for the camera!XD

Isn't this the cutest thing? :)
The card's made from cloth-like material.

Oopsie! Y'all have my address now. Haha!

Thank you so much my dearest Yozo-san for this wonderful letter. I'm really happy for it. It only proves that I have found a friend in you. :)

SARREH!

SARREH (n.) A slang word usually used instead of "sorry". A papansin way of asking for apology which is spelled phonetically just to emphasize how it is said. Usually found on Facebook and Twitter statuses and comments, and I think only common for the UPian community.

So there, for those of you who do not know what the hell my title is. ☺

Anyhoo, I haven't been updating my blog more often than usual. I have really been busy running to and fro different places because I'm accomplishing requirements for school admission. The deadline's on the 29th so, I am trying to complete everything ahead of time instead of cramming it. I think that's the best way to start my schooling again to plummet my way to the top. Hahaha Just kidding. So, if I get a few extra hours these coming days, maybe I'd get to post one of these (as I have been thinking a lot about 'em):

Our dogs
My birthday Celebration (I know how delayed this one is. Haha)
Things I learned from my students
the year so far

There, I guess you guys just have to stay tune for these upcoming posts. Haha! Feeling may followers na marami?XD So anyway, for now I have to leave you with this:

Matisyahu (Feat. Akon) - One Day

I'm not so much of posting videos to my blog entries, let alone

music videos, but I just can't help but fall in love with this song.

I think this'll be my mantra for my whole 2011. ☺

♫ Sometimes in my tears I drown,

But I never let it get me down

So when negativity surrounds,

I know someday it'll all turn around ♫

♥

It has been a happy day, indeed! Someone decided to give me a visit to make up for not showing up on my birthday! Haha!

I love it when Sam shows up here. It's just a breath of fresh air - something new from my cyclical life. Well, we never do something utterly special whenever. We just goof around, watch television (or a movie if there's a decent one), go to the nearest mall and eat out. For today, I think we've kind of highlighted that last one on the list - we just ate a LOT of things today. Haha But whatever, forget that reducing diet I've been planning to do just last week. It has always been appetizing to eat with this guy. Haha

The best part is, I get to have two new reads today! Yehey!

These are great additions to my Classics Collection ♥
You know how long I've been meaning to buy
Love in the Time of Cholera.
THANKS! :D

On a personal note: Thanks so much Sam, for these babies. Something extra, extra to top off our special day together. :) I loooooovie you! Til next time! Mwuah! <3

A little humility doesn't hurt, people!

I really hate people with some ere of kayabangan. They're just everywhere, lurking around, broadcasting themselves, and seem to can't get enough of water from the fountain of arrogance.

Someone told me to look at it differently. Okay fine, so this is my best attempt at understanding them.

Maybe...

... they're just being misinterpreted? By those reading them - literally and figuratively. Well yes, that may be the most plausible explanation there is, but then again, what if arrogance shows not only once, twice nor thrice, but every-freaking-time? Well, then maybe, just maybe, their chests' not high enough to carry their heads.

... they don't mean to be arrogant, that's just the way they were raised?
Oh please?! How can someone raise another with all the arrogance in the world? Don't look at me. I don't know either. And I know not one person who wants his/her child to be as arrogant as ____.

... erm... uhm... Okay, so I ran out of reasons. Maybe you guys out there can just help me out in here. Maybe you have better thoughts as to why these people turn out the way they did and act the way they do. (And maybe, you can also teach me as to how to better handle these sort of people because to be perfectly honest, I'm running out of patience).

Oh why haven't been they acquainted with you, Mr.Frank Lloyd Wright?
Or better yet, why haven't they read The Old Man and the Sea
or at least opened the page that speaks of
humility?

Goodbye 21!

Last few minutes of being a 21-year old chic. (Haha did I just say chic!XD)

Anyhoo, I have so much to thank for this year. It may sound too cliche, but it has indeed been a bumpy ride for me. I've had trips every now and then to the "Shame Box" as in the movie Despicable Me but I've also had some erm, plights of successes, as I would like to call it. :)

I've had a blessed year, indeed. And I must say, I've never felt more myself than the past months. This year has truly been for finding my true self and probably, for the first time in years, fully accepting it.☺

So for my 22nd year of existence, yes, I am excited for you, and no, I no longer wish to be an eighteen-year-old again. :)

I'm getting good at this

I started my year by refusing yet another job. Haha. I know, I've been sullen and depressed for the last days of the week over this matter and yet, there I was, neglecting job offers - AGAIN. But that's okay. I'm happier where I am right now. At least now, I have already figured out what I really want in life and where I'm headed.

Well, this started off last week. I was so glum and I really can't seem to push away the fact that I'm just stuck at home and with nothing but a part-time to do and fret about (but even that was not something to fret about. My students are just so kind. ☺), and all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives. So, in an instant, I decided to go at Alabang and walk-in at every hospital and get myself a job. I told myself (and Sam), that the first hospital to accept me would be the hospital I'd be working with for the first few months of the year since I have to eventually quit in time for Med School. So... there, I gathered all my things, found a decent thing to wear and went to Alabang.

When I got off the van, I really thought it wasn't my day at all - I'm wearing a pricey heel and it was raining that side of the world. So, I hurriedly went to the two nearest hospitals - Asian Hospital and Ospital ng Muntinlupa. I found myself entering OsMun just because its entrance is nearer, thus, an instant cover-up from the rain. What followed suit is honestly, totally unexpected...

I met up with the in-house Dietitian who was so thrilled to see me. "Kailangang kailangan talaga namin ngayon ng Dietitian! Hulog ka ng langit!" (We are really in need of a Dietitian right now. You are heaven-sent!). What more, after seeing my resume, she was thrilled twice over. She was just not expecting a UPian will be up for a job like that, I think? And yes, at that instant, I was told I'm hired. No formal interviews, just a few chit-chats about life and all other things. Before leaving, I was just told to wait for their call regarding the details of the job and to meet with the owner.

Woah! Imagine the thrill I had. The adrenaline was just unexplainable. I remember asking myself, how can I be this lucky with job-huntings? Well, this has only been my 2nd time to actually apply for a job - you know, as in going in an office and having myself interviewed? And a first time to just fully rely on my luck and God's grace. It was a great experience, actually. Just the right one to knock me back to my senses and make me think straight again.

Initially, I was thrilled - with the thought that I was instantly hired; next, I got scared - with the responsibilities that goes along with the job description; then, I thought it through for three whole days; and finally, last Sunday, I came up with a decision. I am no longer going to accept the job.

Well, don't hate me, please. I just couldn't do it. I figured, I still have to fix a lot of things for Med School and if I want to see myself in that path, I better start moving and remove all distractions. I finally realized that I'm pressuring myself for nothing. I've chosen this for a long time and until now, it is still my choice. Working two jobs at a time and getting ready for medicine school would be suicide. Why worry about being left out when I'll have my own time in the near future? And why worry in the first place? What is there to worry about? That I'll come out as a failure to other people? I'll be a disgrace to my people because I still do not have a full-time job? Well, that job offer was a wake-up call and an esteem-booster in a way. It's my way of making myself feel that no, I'm not one loser and yes, I can easily get a job if I want to.

So this year, to hell with you, fears, doubts and all worries. I'm going to do my thing and make you all see that I am where I really want to be. ☺