Well, this started off last week. I was so glum and I really can't seem to push away the fact that I'm just stuck at home and with nothing but a part-time to do and fret about (but even that was not something to fret about. My students are just so kind. ☺), and all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives. So, in an instant, I decided to go at Alabang and walk-in at every hospital and get myself a job. I told myself (and Sam), that the first hospital to accept me would be the hospital I'd be working with for the first few months of the year since I have to eventually quit in time for Med School. So... there, I gathered all my things, found a decent thing to wear and went to Alabang.
When I got off the van, I really thought it wasn't my day at all - I'm wearing a pricey heel and it was raining that side of the world. So, I hurriedly went to the two nearest hospitals - Asian Hospital and Ospital ng Muntinlupa. I found myself entering OsMun just because its entrance is nearer, thus, an instant cover-up from the rain. What followed suit is honestly, totally unexpected...
I met up with the in-house Dietitian who was so thrilled to see me. "Kailangang kailangan talaga namin ngayon ng Dietitian! Hulog ka ng langit!" (We are really in need of a Dietitian right now. You are heaven-sent!). What more, after seeing my resume, she was thrilled twice over. She was just not expecting a UPian will be up for a job like that, I think? And yes, at that instant, I was told I'm hired. No formal interviews, just a few chit-chats about life and all other things. Before leaving, I was just told to wait for their call regarding the details of the job and to meet with the owner.
Woah! Imagine the thrill I had. The adrenaline was just unexplainable. I remember asking myself, how can I be this lucky with job-huntings? Well, this has only been my 2nd time to actually apply for a job - you know, as in going in an office and having myself interviewed? And a first time to just fully rely on my luck and God's grace. It was a great experience, actually. Just the right one to knock me back to my senses and make me think straight again.
Initially, I was thrilled - with the thought that I was instantly hired; next, I got scared - with the responsibilities that goes along with the job description; then, I thought it through for three whole days; and finally, last Sunday, I came up with a decision. I am no longer going to accept the job.
Well, don't hate me, please. I just couldn't do it. I figured, I still have to fix a lot of things for Med School and if I want to see myself in that path, I better start moving and remove all distractions. I finally realized that I'm pressuring myself for nothing. I've chosen this for a long time and until now, it is still my choice. Working two jobs at a time and getting ready for medicine school would be suicide. Why worry about being left out when I'll have my own time in the near future? And why worry in the first place? What is there to worry about? That I'll come out as a failure to other people? I'll be a disgrace to my people because I still do not have a full-time job? Well, that job offer was a wake-up call and an esteem-booster in a way. It's my way of making myself feel that no, I'm not one loser and yes, I can easily get a job if I want to.
So this year, to hell with you, fears, doubts and all worries. I'm going to do my thing and make you all see that I am where I really want to be. ☺
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| This year, I'll start thinking more of the "now" than worrying too much of the future - like the yoga mantra kind of thing |
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