I've been quite busy these past few days, hence the ala-hiatus status of my blog. I've been meeting-up constantly with friends and doing lots of things on the side. It's funny how this summer changed me a lot compared to all the summers of my lifetime combined.
This summer, I have finally put my theory to the test. Every time people tell me I can not cook, do household chores, and all homemaking stuff, I always counter them with, "Hindi sa hindi ako marunong; hindi lang ako nabibigyan ng pagkakataon" (It's not that I don't know how; I'm just not given the opportunity to do so). Such a witty answer, don't you think? Bwahahaha Until the very last fight, someone kept pestering me about how much of an incapable future mother I'll become. So for all of you, here's my form of retaliation.
For someone who has aspired to become the best (future) mother/wife, it hurts to be branded as such. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of plans for my future and being a great mom is just one of it. I mean, I don't constantly think about being one on a daily basis, BUT, I make it a point that it's one of the end points my path is leading to. For the longest time, I have consoled myself on the fact that I have swept floors, dusted furniture, mopped floors, chopped vegetables, cook dishes, washed clothes at least twice my entire life. So, I think it's fair to claim that I know how to do all of them. Hoho
This summer, for the first time in my existence, we found it difficult to replace our househelp. Well, if you're following me on twitter, you may have encountered my post about our beloved househelp, Ate Jess. Her tita took her to pay-off her family's debts. I know it sounds cruel, but it's not as bad as it seems. She'll be back with us in two-year's time. So while she's away, we needed a replacement; but, somehow getting one is such a pain in the ass. Looking for a trustworthy maid has been difficult, if not more than frustrating. Just for this month, we have already been conned twice. It only goes to show that there are really a lot of poor people in our country nowadays who find it easier to trick people out of money. Anyway, to make the long story short, we still haven't found a replacement until now and for almost a month, I've taken the role of house-help in our house. :))
I never knew keeping a household would be this fun. For some reason, I find it fulfilling - maybe because I am assured that I am doing something worthwhile of my time. Yes it's tiring, more so, time-consuming, but that's the mere essence of summer vacations, isn't it? You have so much time to spare and this summer, I opted to spend it cleaning the house, ordering my brothers around (hehe), walking the dogs, cooking, folding washed clothes, and just about everything to make sure that the house is in order while my parents are away.
This summer has made me realize that I can really do all things only if I let myself to. And the greatest thing about this experience is I'm learning these skills and at the same time, about myself as well. It's not that difficult to love all the cleaning, I figured. There is still a whole lot room for improvement, but finally I got to test my skills on this field. I can survive on my own, after all! Haha I used to be scared of it, but now, can't wait to be a full-blown independent lass. ☺
Read between the lines.
It's not even about forgiving or forgetting.
It's totally not about getting back and vengeance.
It's more about self-respect - or whatever's left of it.
"Que Sera Sera"
For the first time, I feel all heavy on the inside but can't seem to muster up a decent thought or two. I can't even get the inspiration to write when I know for a fact most people will (given the situation). What a fucked up life. Good thing the maid has gone AWOL. I have lesser time to dwell on my feelings. What better way to console oneself than to bury all the problems with house chores? Cheers to allaying things one day at a time!
Readers, beware
This is totally a mushy, cheesy, call-it-whatever-you-want post.
Proceed with caution.
Don't say I didn't warn you!!!
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I often spend my day daydreaming about....
...having a picnic date with you again (it's been years since we last did that)
...spending even just one day together without any work, acads or problems to think about
...talking with you under the shades of Freedom Park
...eating out at a decent restaurant with you
...cuddling
...our next travel adventure
...having long conversations with the imaginary you
...stress-free, carefree day for us
...sand, sea, sky, swimming, you
...permanent meet-ups
...coffee dates
...food trips
...long walks under the moonlight
...the rush of cool breeze under the stars as I sit beside you on a pavement
...simpler and less complicated life
I want all these and more but I guess I just can't have them at the moment. So, for the time being, all I'm left with are my thoughts and the need to pour the frustrations out.
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So, as I was digging up our sites, I got hold of these. I don't know what is it with Januaries but it sure is one lucky month for us I think:
...you have always had that sweetness inside of you that just melts every teardrop away. Gosh, how many times can I reiterate I'm missing you badly? :(
And as I end this post, I didn't expect to see this. Another reminder that as difficult and tough this relationship has been, the element of laughter and fun has never left us. I just wish to get to be with you again for real.
Proceed with caution.
Don't say I didn't warn you!!!
***********
I often spend my day daydreaming about....
...having a picnic date with you again (it's been years since we last did that)
...spending even just one day together without any work, acads or problems to think about
...talking with you under the shades of Freedom Park
...eating out at a decent restaurant with you
...cuddling
...our next travel adventure
...having long conversations with the imaginary you
...stress-free, carefree day for us
...sand, sea, sky, swimming, you
...permanent meet-ups
...coffee dates
...food trips
...long walks under the moonlight
...the rush of cool breeze under the stars as I sit beside you on a pavement
...simpler and less complicated life
I want all these and more but I guess I just can't have them at the moment. So, for the time being, all I'm left with are my thoughts and the need to pour the frustrations out.
*********************
So, as I was digging up our sites, I got hold of these. I don't know what is it with Januaries but it sure is one lucky month for us I think:
The wind was cold and heavy.. The night was quiet.. We stopped at the sidewalk to talk.. We both did a little talking.. She gave me more tears than words..
About 30 months and 2 days ago we vowed to love each other forever.. Along the way are struggles, pain, suffering, what have you.. We surpassed those.. We are happy.. We are proud.. I love her.. She loves me.. I thought we were perfect.. I thought love is enough.. What I thought to be just right for 30 months and 2 days is not enough.. Love is not enough to make this relationship work..
Between the line 'I love you' are spaces.. Spaces that need to be filled with responsibility and care.. Both of which lack within me.. I know for 30 months and 2 days she persisted.. She was happy but within her, she was crying.. In the end I realized that it was I who has a problem.. The only problem is me.. I cannot blame her for being mad at me.. I am mad at me too..
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in an opportunity.. An optimist sees an opportunity in every difficulty". This is the time to look at things in a different way.. This is my chance to once again prove my worth.. Only and only if the door is not yet closed..
I love her.. And I am sorry..(Jan.18, 2009, 1:54am)
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| One of our most kadiri shots together. We do have a loooong history. Haha |
As they say, people will never be contented. The word's existence in our dictionaries reflects how human aims for the ideal which is a strike to the moon so to speak. People will also look for better things. A better car. A better house. Even a better partner. And I was never an exception to this human nature.
Indeed they are right. I can never be contented. However, I still found some exceptions.
About four years ago, I met someone who gets better and better everyday. She never fails to make me laugh at her silly jokes. She always manage to bring a crack of smile out of me every time that I refused to do so. She gives me a double-beat whenever I saw her smile, whenever I feel her skin. She always break the ice out of my frozen situations. She made me fall in love and fall deeply more in love everyday.
I know people might call me a fool. But I'd rather be a fool than hide this evidences which clearly showed me that the word CONTENTMENT is not a fallacy.
I found my exception. I found you. I love you and I want you to know how contented I am
Indeed they are right. I can never be contented. However, I still found some exceptions.
About four years ago, I met someone who gets better and better everyday. She never fails to make me laugh at her silly jokes. She always manage to bring a crack of smile out of me every time that I refused to do so. She gives me a double-beat whenever I saw her smile, whenever I feel her skin. She always break the ice out of my frozen situations. She made me fall in love and fall deeply more in love everyday.
I know people might call me a fool. But I'd rather be a fool than hide this evidences which clearly showed me that the word CONTENTMENT is not a fallacy.
I found my exception. I found you. I love you and I want you to know how contented I am
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| Ah, the breath of young love. :)) |
...you have always had that sweetness inside of you that just melts every teardrop away. Gosh, how many times can I reiterate I'm missing you badly? :(
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| You and your mad drawing skills! Crazy! Haha (Meet monkey cutie, Sam and I's stuffed baby) |
And as I end this post, I didn't expect to see this. Another reminder that as difficult and tough this relationship has been, the element of laughter and fun has never left us. I just wish to get to be with you again for real.
Week 1.1
I may not have understood and approve of all your means, but I'm beginning to understand now.
It just proves your affection - how much you'd like to change for the better not only for yourself, but for us. Thank you. No one has actually done that for me before. And that's not the best part yet. I guess the best part of these all is being motivated to grow and actually being allowed to grow. There are room for errors, but there can never be enough room for improvements.
This may not reach you soon enough, but THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME ASPIRE TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. ♥
It just proves your affection - how much you'd like to change for the better not only for yourself, but for us. Thank you. No one has actually done that for me before. And that's not the best part yet. I guess the best part of these all is being motivated to grow and actually being allowed to grow. There are room for errors, but there can never be enough room for improvements.
This may not reach you soon enough, but THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS MAKING ME ASPIRE TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. ♥
Today's haul
To keep me from spending, don't let me near any bookstore, thrift bookshops and of course, book sales.
The need and motivation to study is the best excuse to buy a couple of school supplies and stash in additional books for my collection. :)
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| Blame it to National Bookstore and BookSale ☺ |
P.S. Today I spent more for books and supplies than clothing and make-up. My impulse to buy books is unbelievably stronger than my drive to buy toiletries and kikay stuff.
5-3-12: Peanut butter never tasted this good
Last Thursday, I met up with a couple of my favorite friends and hanged out at Mall of Asia. I came in earliest so I roamed around for a little while to find my favorite make-up brands only to disappoint myself and not find the exact things I was looking for. Oh well, I think I just have to scout Etude House and The Face Shop's Alabang branches. Well anyway, I met up with Krantzl first as she was out early. We had Chatime teas as we shopped for bags, make-ups, cookwares, books, and as we waited for Hanny. :)
I ordered Chatime's Matcha Red Bean Milk Tea while Krantzl's was Japanese Sakura Sencha Tea. Mine was an okay drink but I didn't like it that much - it was too sweet for my taste plus I can no longer taste the flavor of green tea. I guess the red beans' sweetness plus the sugar overpowered it. Now let's go to Krantzl's drink. Haha I'm so sorry but I really have to be blunt about this: it was disgusting. I don't even know what to compare it to. Even I was surprised Krantz was able to finish it. Never again, Krantz, never again. Hehehe
After literally hours of walking, we finally have decided to try out an Indo-Malay-Thai restaurant: Martabak Cafe. We were not sure of what to expect of the dishes. I have tasted Thai dishes before but haven't eaten any Indonesian or Malaysian dishes; so I guess the thought of experiencing something new excited me and I must say, it has been the best decision of the night. ☺
I'm used to the peanut flavor in Thai dishes but I didn't expect that peanut butter is also one of the main ingredients on Indonesian and Malaysian dishes. Among the things we ordered, I must say the Kway Teow Goreng was my favorite. It has the right amount of sweetness, saltiness and sourness (from the lemon in place of our very own Kalamansi ☺). The chicken Satay was not so bad, either also delicious. It was served with peanut butter sauce and was braised with its special sauce as well which I think was the best part of the dish. And the last (and least favorite) is the Tahu Isih - a stuffed fried tofu with peanut butter sauce. Although the tofu was cooked well, I just didn't like the flavors of the dish all-together. Add the texture of the tofu inside, eck! Sorry, I'm not a big tofu fan to begin with. I prefer it crunchy and deep fried. But all in all, the experience was great. I really enjoyed our dinner and the food was really delicious and cheap! Best bargain of the night, indeed. :)
Meet my two friends: Hanny and Krantz - two of my best buds in College. I really missed these two. I used to do lots of things with Hanny most esp. and it was so much fun to talk with them about everything! Until next time, dearies. I am betting this is one of the many more dinner dates to come. ♥
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| Krantzl's order: Japanese Sakura Sencha Tea (photo courtesy of Krantzl Narte) |
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| Shopping with Krantz. I bought Kikay stuff and she bought cookwares! One very dedicated food-analyst-in-the-making, indeed. :) |
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| We were initially at Fully Booked and I was weighing options as to which John Green book I'm going to buy but since I cannot decide, I dropped the idea. As we were looking for a place to eat at, we passed by booksale and whoala! Look what I got! :) |
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| As we were roaming around the mall looking for the best place to eat at, we stopped by Auntie Anne's and Krantz treated us to this delightful pretzel. Best snack to ease our hunger from all the walking. |
After literally hours of walking, we finally have decided to try out an Indo-Malay-Thai restaurant: Martabak Cafe. We were not sure of what to expect of the dishes. I have tasted Thai dishes before but haven't eaten any Indonesian or Malaysian dishes; so I guess the thought of experiencing something new excited me and I must say, it has been the best decision of the night. ☺
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| Lovely wall accents at Martabak Cafe |
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| Chicken Satay |
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| Kway Teow Goreng |
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| Tahu Isih |
I'm used to the peanut flavor in Thai dishes but I didn't expect that peanut butter is also one of the main ingredients on Indonesian and Malaysian dishes. Among the things we ordered, I must say the Kway Teow Goreng was my favorite. It has the right amount of sweetness, saltiness and sourness (from the lemon in place of our very own Kalamansi ☺). The chicken Satay was
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| The Lovely RND's (L-R): Krantz, moi and Hanny at Martabak Cafe |
Meet my two friends: Hanny and Krantz - two of my best buds in College. I really missed these two. I used to do lots of things with Hanny most esp. and it was so much fun to talk with them about everything! Until next time, dearies. I am betting this is one of the many more dinner dates to come. ♥
Guess what...
I think I'm about to flip...
It's that itch I can't help but scratch;
more like a withdrawal syndrome addicts feel;
or like mania, depression, hope and faith all at the same time.
It's crazy and I have to deal with it. It's unhealthy and it has to stop.
It's that itch I can't help but scratch;
more like a withdrawal syndrome addicts feel;
or like mania, depression, hope and faith all at the same time.
It's crazy and I have to deal with it. It's unhealthy and it has to stop.
Excited? YES. VERY.
I've never been this eager to go and watch a performance since the first Katy Perry and Taylor Swift concerts here in Manila. For those of you who don't know. I wasn't able to come watch both of it. For the K.P., my friend and I already have the tickets but we had to reimburse it because a strong typhoon hit the Philippines and the schedule was moved to a later date which translates into the-day-she's-already-in-Thailand. And for T's concert, we were already sweeping ticket outlets a month prior the concert, but it was sold out - so they say. Only to find out that on the concert day itself, extra tickets were being sold. Talk about unfair. But the good part is, I got to spend my money on many other things. Hehe
So, this morning as I was browsing the internet (as usual), I came across someone mentioning The Phantom of the Opera. She was a Filipina so, by connecting the dots, you might as well also get into the conclusion that the play will be shown in the Philippines! Ha! FINALLY! I can't believe that I'm only months away from watching it. Even as a girl, when the movie came out (with Emmy Rossum) in it, I just knew I had to watch that play - that and Cats. Well, it might have been a little too late for me and Cats since they've already been here in the Philippines and I didn't get to see the show, but it still isn't too late for me and The Phantom. :)
I did want to go and watch Cats. I remember telling my mom that but she just told me it won't be such a great idea because the Phantom of the Opera's better. I no longer contested. She was able to watch both on Broadway, anyway. So, who am I to oppose? :) And so finally, the time has come for me to watch on my own the Opera I've been hearing much about. I can't wait for August/September. So right now, I have to learn whatever it is to learn about the play; read my book of it; and earn what I need to spend for the play tickets. Summer job it is, then! :))
So, this morning as I was browsing the internet (as usual), I came across someone mentioning The Phantom of the Opera. She was a Filipina so, by connecting the dots, you might as well also get into the conclusion that the play will be shown in the Philippines! Ha! FINALLY! I can't believe that I'm only months away from watching it. Even as a girl, when the movie came out (with Emmy Rossum) in it, I just knew I had to watch that play - that and Cats. Well, it might have been a little too late for me and Cats since they've already been here in the Philippines and I didn't get to see the show, but it still isn't too late for me and The Phantom. :)
I did want to go and watch Cats. I remember telling my mom that but she just told me it won't be such a great idea because the Phantom of the Opera's better. I no longer contested. She was able to watch both on Broadway, anyway. So, who am I to oppose? :) And so finally, the time has come for me to watch on my own the Opera I've been hearing much about. I can't wait for August/September. So right now, I have to learn whatever it is to learn about the play; read my book of it; and earn what I need to spend for the play tickets. Summer job it is, then! :))
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| Please click this for more details. |
A confession...sort of
I am a very negative person. I easily get irritated, linger at anger, worry, doubt and frustration. Hence, the depression. In the past year or so, I have dealt differently with people; been on the verge of self-destruction, and everything just fell out of place. I knew everything's so off in my life. I knew something was wrong with me.
I know I have been blaming med school and all the stress it brings for all of the things I have been feeling, doing, and thinking as of late. But that even isn't a good excuse or close to one. I have changed and I alone have allowed that change. I have noticed change and didn't even bother on correcting myself. I was the worst self-tyrant there is. I have been the worst person I could possibly become.
Today, I was finally able to watch The Secret. A self-help movie of some sort which speaks of the Law of Attraction. I remember hearing it a lot from people and I was able to read a few pages of it while I was with the boyfriend (he had an ebook of it on his phone). But, I wasn't able to finish it of course. I didn't intend on finishing in the first place for it was one of the books I'd like to get my own copy of.
"Thoughts become things", they say and I must agree to that. For the longest time, I have attracted the negative things that came with my whole pessimism phase. There even came a point where rants were the only words that came out of my mouth. I have equated commenting with complaining. And of course, it did me no good. The more I focused on the 'bad', the worse I felt and the manifestations were worst. So anyway, to make the long story short, it made me realize how much of a plaintive girl I've been. Haha
So, this blog entry goes out to all the people I've wronged, disappointed and have channeled my sheer bad attitude to. I am sorry. I know it is too difficult to handle an all too difficult person. And of course, I know too well that negativity can be very contagious. This goes out most especially to people I got to deal with on a daily/frequent basis for the past couple of months. I'm a tough one to handle, but I'm hoping against hope that hurts are not the only things I've caused you, lot. Hehe
So, having said all these, I'd like to change my first statement: I used to be a very negative person. Now, I'm more than willing to do something about it. From this day forth, I will aim to become a better person in every aspects of life. ☺
I know I have been blaming med school and all the stress it brings for all of the things I have been feeling, doing, and thinking as of late. But that even isn't a good excuse or close to one. I have changed and I alone have allowed that change. I have noticed change and didn't even bother on correcting myself. I was the worst self-tyrant there is. I have been the worst person I could possibly become.
Today, I was finally able to watch The Secret. A self-help movie of some sort which speaks of the Law of Attraction. I remember hearing it a lot from people and I was able to read a few pages of it while I was with the boyfriend (he had an ebook of it on his phone). But, I wasn't able to finish it of course. I didn't intend on finishing in the first place for it was one of the books I'd like to get my own copy of.
"Thoughts become things", they say and I must agree to that. For the longest time, I have attracted the negative things that came with my whole pessimism phase. There even came a point where rants were the only words that came out of my mouth. I have equated commenting with complaining. And of course, it did me no good. The more I focused on the 'bad', the worse I felt and the manifestations were worst. So anyway, to make the long story short, it made me realize how much of a plaintive girl I've been. Haha
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| A snapshot from the movie The Secret |
So, this blog entry goes out to all the people I've wronged, disappointed and have channeled my sheer bad attitude to. I am sorry. I know it is too difficult to handle an all too difficult person. And of course, I know too well that negativity can be very contagious. This goes out most especially to people I got to deal with on a daily/frequent basis for the past couple of months. I'm a tough one to handle, but I'm hoping against hope that hurts are not the only things I've caused you, lot. Hehe
So, having said all these, I'd like to change my first statement: I used to be a very negative person. Now, I'm more than willing to do something about it. From this day forth, I will aim to become a better person in every aspects of life. ☺
How much is too much?
There are all sorts of love. From Colors of Love, written by J.A. Lee in 1973, he identified six kinds of relationships that might be called as love: Eros - the romantic, passionate love; Ludus - the playing, uncommitted love; Storge - slow-developing, friendship-based love; Pragma - the mutually beneficial, unromantic love; Mania - obsessive, possessive love; and Agape - the gentle, caring, giving type of love. I say, there's a 7th kind of love - the pathetic, obsessive, cheap and unrequited love and I'd like to call it Diana.
Thepast few months have been a struggle for Sam and I. We haven't been seeing as often as before; we are stressed out more than our individual lives could handle; and are just tired of how life is slowly moving for the both of us. To make things worse, this girl came and claimed things of all sorts, harassed me in every way possible in all of my social networking sites and just wouldn't stop.
Last January, I unluckily found out that this particular girl has been consistently sending me messages on twitter, facebook, tumblr, etc. I initially got irritated, of course. She was feeding me things - LIES. The "biggest lie" as Sherlock puts it - a lie so big, enveloped in the truth that you'll be doubting the real truth as well. This was a rather "wise" (sort of) way to put things in retrospect considering how cheap and pathetic the means were. Of course, I was shocked. I mean, I never thought of these kinds of things even before Sam and I got together. It was just not in his personality and he had a lot of personal experiences in regards to cheating that he himself despises those who are capable of such. So, I eventually shrugged it off.
Weeks have passed that I began forgetting about her. I mean, I was busy and had a lot of better things to mind, so it wasn't at all that hard. Then, a big fight came and a friend unintentionally mentioned her in one of our conversations. So, being a curious mutt as I am, I visited her site again only to find out there were new pictures of her and the boyfriend - together. I GOT PISSED (to put it lightly). Who wouldn't? Those shots had to be new. The boyfriend and I haven't talked about her for awhile and the last time, I remembered asking him if she has ever visited in Puerto and the response was a "No". So, yes, it was new.
Hours passed and I suddenly got an explanation from the boyfriend. He said, they had a common friend - his officemate. He told me, this guy friend of his invited him over a drinking session and when he got there, she was there. Being polite as he was, he didn't leave and just stayed. I say, she planned it all up - a set-up just so she can be with him. I mean, if it was a "highschool reunion" why would she suggest to that guy to invite Sam? PATHETIC. Brainless move. Can you be any more conspicuous? Well of course he said, he can't jump into conclusions about things as those are only the facts that he knows before and upon getting there and he'd never do anything to jeopardize the relationship that we have built just for that. I believe him. But then again, that doesn't change the fact that I utterly abhorred what happened.
After contemplating on things, I realized that THIS HAS TO STOP. I've been passive about it but it doesn't mean that I am complacent about it. This has gone on the extremes. I never even thought that this kind of delusional act will last for months! I mean, in my world, women don't do that! Ladies don't act that way! So maybe this is life's way of teaching me that there are people like that - cheap girls like that.
I'm sorry about all the anger this post brings but I am just overwhelmingly pissed at the situation. There's just enough bullshit one person can take and I have to say that the final line has definitely been crossed.
Below this line are things directed to you, ole' miss for I know that you have a habit of reading my blog, among the other few things your mind is capable of reading. Use the google search box if you can't understand. I know it'll be of much use to you.
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STOP ALL THESE NONSENSE. You want Sam? You can go and have him. I'll bet you my life he won't go even a single step towards you if I dump him. The only edge you have over me is that you are geographically near him. But we both know that'll change soon, don't we? Is that the reason why you're trying to play all of your chips now? Desperate? So I thought.
STOP MESSING WITH US. What else do you want? You have caused one or two fights here and there but can't you see, that's all you can do to affect us?
You know the best part? He laughs at the absurdity of the things you are saying to me, your posts, pictures and all.
Go and find another person to bother with your irritating and pathetic self for I am already sick of it.
Shout-outs to random people II
I kind of started this years ago on my Multiply account. Things I want to but cannot say in person because yes, I'm such a coward and yes, even if I can sometimes be rude, I don't think it's fair to be directly blunt to everyone. So, here goes:
I have embraced our differences already - sort of. You're no longer that irritating for me. I mean, your old ways are still there - rude, boastful, a-hole. But still, you're kind of more acceptable right now than you were years ago. Amazing how the University changed you. I do hope you learn more. It suits you, really. :)
You seriously need some help, brother. I really do think it's time to acknowledge that fact. It doesn't even mean that you're incapable; it only goes to show that you know you can't do everything and sometimes, things are just beyond your (our) control. You see, with what you're doing now, you're not only dwelling on the problem (which is counter-productive), but you're also throwing away everything you currently have. So, piece of advice, snap out of it! Or else, you just might end up one day, shocked that everything you held on true and important are gone - sailed away, far beyond your reach, along with all the problems you kept trying to control.
So here's your prize for pissing/touching me. A spot on my blog! Isn't that such an honor? Haha
You are one helluva plastic bitch. I sincerely mean that. How can there be a liar, fake and egotistic mammal hiding behind that happy mask of yours? Up til this day, I still can't comprehend you. Seems like, everything is a competition for you, eh? Well, whatevs. I'll get over you. I no longer have to see you on a daily basis anyway.
I have embraced our differences already - sort of. You're no longer that irritating for me. I mean, your old ways are still there - rude, boastful, a-hole. But still, you're kind of more acceptable right now than you were years ago. Amazing how the University changed you. I do hope you learn more. It suits you, really. :)
I hate you. The minute I heard you introducing yourself in front of class, I already hated you. You're the epitome of a controlling, nagging, self-righteous, selfish girl. You want to be alone, you say? Yeah, good luck with that. As Jay Manuel puts it, "...attitude can spread like a brush fire and then no one will touch you no matter how great you are "
You seriously need some help, brother. I really do think it's time to acknowledge that fact. It doesn't even mean that you're incapable; it only goes to show that you know you can't do everything and sometimes, things are just beyond your (our) control. You see, with what you're doing now, you're not only dwelling on the problem (which is counter-productive), but you're also throwing away everything you currently have. So, piece of advice, snap out of it! Or else, you just might end up one day, shocked that everything you held on true and important are gone - sailed away, far beyond your reach, along with all the problems you kept trying to control.
So here's your prize for pissing/touching me. A spot on my blog! Isn't that such an honor? Haha
Ice and Dreams
Today I learned about Mao Asada, the Japanese figure skater champion. I don't know much about figure skating (I don't even know how to skate, for that matter), but man, this girl sure is good! I was able to only watch 2 videos of her and I can't help but notice that she is very graceful and she moves with such fluidity and precision. Just superb. From ~10minutes of skating video, I must say I already adore her. I'm a fan!
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Speaking of Olympics, Gymnastics, one of the all-time famous girl sports in the world, has been a childhood frustration of mine. Haha I remember wanting to learn gymnastics at an early age but since there weren't any gymnastics school in Parañaque that time, I ended up with ballet instead. Who knows, I could have ended up being an Olympic medalist myself had I pursued that path. Hahaha
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Speaking of Olympics, Gymnastics, one of the all-time famous girl sports in the world, has been a childhood frustration of mine. Haha I remember wanting to learn gymnastics at an early age but since there weren't any gymnastics school in Parañaque that time, I ended up with ballet instead. Who knows, I could have ended up being an Olympic medalist myself had I pursued that path. Hahaha
Helluva Traveler
Don't let the title fool you. I'm really not one, honestly. Being a traveler would mean fearless commute sessions, marvelous visio-spatial memory, and in constant lookout for that natural high adventures bring. I'm not all of those. And maybe now's still not the time to be even one of those. But, traveler or not, I was in 4 places last Saturday and unbelievably spent some time in each.
The adventure (sort of) started in Puerto Galera. It was my last day for that stay and was having trouble saying goodbye. No one can't blame me, actually. Sam and I haven't been spending that much time together lately because of all the reasons in the world and have decided to take a leave and just take a vacation. But since time immemorial, bad luck seems to love me that every time I visit, I sort of pocket rain with me. So whoala, my whole stay there, it was raining. And mind you, it has been one heavy shower of raindrops. So anyhoo, yes, it was my last day, morning, and breakfast in Puerto Galera. And by 10:45am I was aboard a boat, sailing towards Batangas port and of course, the sun is shining already above me. And just between you and me, a sun tan is kind of a little too late. *Sigh*
I arrived in Batangas around 11:30am and spent the whole time in that area travelling on-board a bus this time. I haven't slept much during that travel. I was kind of thinking more of the things that passed and the things to come so yes, I pretty much had a lot in mind.
Then, I spent a couple of minutes in Manila, fixed a couple of things at the dorm, got rid of some and then another couple of minutes to relish the aircondition before hitting the sunny streets again. And the last place of course is Cavite (which is where I'm at as I'm writing this post).
So there you have it, the adventures and misadventures of this ole miss last March 24,2012.
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As I sat there staring at the vast sky, I realized one thing: I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. It has been awhile since I enjoyed and was contented. There was a time that I enjoyed everyday of my life no matter how difficult circumstances were. I miss that. And the blue sky and sea brought me back that longing. Certainly, I am at loss right now - I am frightened at how unpredictable and shady the future is. I am miss planner. I never leave my bed without having a clear-cut idea of what I'm doing for the day and the days to come. Heck, I had plans even during my bummest days. And so, naturally, this little missy inside me is panicking and fearful for the lack of one. Somehow along the way I have lost the sense of purpose. And I know it's not good. With this age and the world passing by me, time is definitely of the essence. And knowing that I have already wasted a whole lot of it trying to figure out my place in the world, is not very comforting. So maybe, just maybe, I need more skies and more seas and more staring to finally figure out what to do.
The adventure (sort of) started in Puerto Galera. It was my last day for that stay and was having trouble saying goodbye. No one can't blame me, actually. Sam and I haven't been spending that much time together lately because of all the reasons in the world and have decided to take a leave and just take a vacation. But since time immemorial, bad luck seems to love me that every time I visit, I sort of pocket rain with me. So whoala, my whole stay there, it was raining. And mind you, it has been one heavy shower of raindrops. So anyhoo, yes, it was my last day, morning, and breakfast in Puerto Galera. And by 10:45am I was aboard a boat, sailing towards Batangas port and of course, the sun is shining already above me. And just between you and me, a sun tan is kind of a little too late. *Sigh*
I arrived in Batangas around 11:30am and spent the whole time in that area travelling on-board a bus this time. I haven't slept much during that travel. I was kind of thinking more of the things that passed and the things to come so yes, I pretty much had a lot in mind.
Then, I spent a couple of minutes in Manila, fixed a couple of things at the dorm, got rid of some and then another couple of minutes to relish the aircondition before hitting the sunny streets again. And the last place of course is Cavite (which is where I'm at as I'm writing this post).
So there you have it, the adventures and misadventures of this ole miss last March 24,2012.
__________________
As I sat there staring at the vast sky, I realized one thing: I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. It has been awhile since I enjoyed and was contented. There was a time that I enjoyed everyday of my life no matter how difficult circumstances were. I miss that. And the blue sky and sea brought me back that longing. Certainly, I am at loss right now - I am frightened at how unpredictable and shady the future is. I am miss planner. I never leave my bed without having a clear-cut idea of what I'm doing for the day and the days to come. Heck, I had plans even during my bummest days. And so, naturally, this little missy inside me is panicking and fearful for the lack of one. Somehow along the way I have lost the sense of purpose. And I know it's not good. With this age and the world passing by me, time is definitely of the essence. And knowing that I have already wasted a whole lot of it trying to figure out my place in the world, is not very comforting. So maybe, just maybe, I need more skies and more seas and more staring to finally figure out what to do.
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| Taken during my first Puerto Galera trip (Feb, 2011) |
Just so I won't forget - again.
I have been having all these unacknowledged thoughts that are yet to be put into words for the past months or so. I have been wanting to blog for the longest time but just can't seem to do so because of all the reasons in the world. Oh well, med school and all the surprises it gives you. Anyhoo, maybe now I might be able to update this site soon - and by that I hope a comprehensive update of all the things said, done and experienced. 2012 has this way of really making me experience loads of new things and I don't think I can live by knowing I haven't made actual record of things. Haha 'Record'?! Oh well, ta-ta for now.
A is for A-L-L-E-R-G-Y
It's 2 in the morning, raining hard and I should still be snuggling in bed right now, but no. There's this itch I just can't help scratching - LITERALLY. So apparently, the allergy got into me again. This time it was a one hit K.O. I have big as in BIIIIIG rashes all over my body. Eeeeew! I know. And they're all mighty itchy as in big time ITCHY as in it-got-me-out-of-bed-showering-in-the-dawn-itchy. That's how itchy it really is.
The last time I've had an allergy attack like this (or worse) was when I was in my preschool years. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and feel disgust as I see my monster-like face filled with big rashes (even bigger than the ones I have now). So yeah, I've always been a girl allergic to things and by that I mean, Tempra - you know, the Paracetamol thing, cherry-flavored? Ring a bell? Maybe that's most of the reason why I can't seem to eat cherries or cherry-flavored food for that matter, because it tastes like Tempra. Anyway, come teen years, the allergy became different, now attacks come from dust. Come college time, it worsened and attacks came from all sorts of things - strong odors, smoke (cigarette and car smoke), plastic, rubber, zonrox, Surf, Tide, and of course, dust. Allergic Rhinitis, baby. I can pinpoint a whole lot from my family, actually with allergic rhinitis - all my brothers included.
Having an allergy is indeed hard. Oftentimes I don't think of it as such but right now, it's all I can ever think of. Gosh, I can't stop scratching myself and irritates the hell out of me. Please be gone now, I need to finish up a few things, and sleep as I won't be doing much of that anymore next week.
The last time I've had an allergy attack like this (or worse) was when I was in my preschool years. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and feel disgust as I see my monster-like face filled with big rashes (even bigger than the ones I have now). So yeah, I've always been a girl allergic to things and by that I mean, Tempra - you know, the Paracetamol thing, cherry-flavored? Ring a bell? Maybe that's most of the reason why I can't seem to eat cherries or cherry-flavored food for that matter, because it tastes like Tempra. Anyway, come teen years, the allergy became different, now attacks come from dust. Come college time, it worsened and attacks came from all sorts of things - strong odors, smoke (cigarette and car smoke), plastic, rubber, zonrox, Surf, Tide, and of course, dust. Allergic Rhinitis, baby. I can pinpoint a whole lot from my family, actually with allergic rhinitis - all my brothers included.
Having an allergy is indeed hard. Oftentimes I don't think of it as such but right now, it's all I can ever think of. Gosh, I can't stop scratching myself and irritates the hell out of me. Please be gone now, I need to finish up a few things, and sleep as I won't be doing much of that anymore next week.
Even if I may never know the pain
2nd post in less than 6 hours, I know, but I just have to get this out of my chest.
I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.
So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feeltouched remorse.
This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...
I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.
May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.
I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.
So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feel
This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...
I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.
May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.
New plane
So it's the 2nd week of the semestral break and I'm having a blast at making the most out of it. I have learned a lot of things for the past months. I learned a lot not only about academic stuff but myself as well - study habits, what works best for me, and a lot more. I never thought I can actually enjoy medschool.
First off, I have been depressed for some time now. Though I haven't gotten over it fully, I think I'm better and more functional. I just had a lot of things in mind for the past days and it was just too much to handle given that I don't have that much friends in le Manille and I have been spending too much time alone. I've never had that in my life. There were always friends. I am no extrovert for no reason. So before the semester ended, I had this self-reflection and talked to myself a lot and reflected A LOT to finally figure things out. And finally, it worked. I finally got myself on track again. Somehow, on track again. Not yet perfectly in line, but it's a good thing I'm somehow having a grip on things again. ☺
Speaking of friends, not that I don't have any, it's just that, my social life didn't end in school hours then. In fact, for all of my college years and more, my social life just starts after class hours. So, it was definitely a difficult adjustment - a painful one. For the past 3 months, I have been eating breakfast and dinners A-L-O-N-E. Whenever I feel down or bad about something, I have to deal with it A-L-O-N-E. After classes, I go straight home (a.k.a dorm), put my shoes in the rack, open the door, smile at my roomate and our communication for the day ends. How sucky is that?! So anyway, I'm still trying to get past that part. And living with it - trying.
I'm just glad I have some support crowd around me. A different set from what I'm used to but definitely one of the reasons I'm still fighting and going to classes everyday. I'm more than thankful I have Steph, Melvin, Jeanne and Justin. Med School is more wonderful with them. So yes, maybe I am ready to grow and traverse this new pavement. It used to be 'unknown' but now I can claim it as a 'new plane'.
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| We find the most brilliant of people in the most unexpected time of our lives. |
About Me
- edzdeline
- I'm trying to get my balance as I fidget my way back to the world.
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Such a bookworm
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