2012 is for the adversities: A tell-all - annotated

One will never know his strength unless he is at his weakest.

If I can summarize this year in one word, 'challenges' comes to mind.. I have been made to face endeavors not only on the academic aspect of my life but in my family and relationship as well - which, as anyone of you can guess, comprise the most part of my being. In short, my year has been one emotional turmoil.

It was difficult. But even difficult is an understatement. I have cried tons of tears this past year if that can be a gauge on how hard things became for me.

1st Quarter (January-March)
I remember trying to fight to keep my spot in medschool at the start of the year. Medschool has definitely been the most mentally challenging path I embarked on. Never in my life have I had difficulty in studying to the point where there came a time when it already border-lined depression. Most of the time too, I tend to ponder if this is really for me. Am I really where I'm supposed to be because for the longest time, I just don't feel at home. I have never felt I belonged here, actually. But, as all things in life, this has been my choice and I just have to suck it all up, because difficulty is not enough reason to stop anyone.

I got a grip on myself and was finally able to pass all my subjects. During these times, I realized that one can only go as far as he'll let himself. My own self was my biggest adversity. The main problem? Thinking too much. The main solution? Focusing on the things that needs accomplishing.

2nd Quarter (April-June)

Depression, loneliness, frustration, and long-distance relationship never adds up to a good sum. For the first time in almost 6 years, Sam and I broke up for more than a month. Up until now, I still cannot pinpoint the main reason, but I guess we just both got burned out along with the agony of not being together. I was at fault for that break-up, I confess. Sometimes, when we're too focused on our goals, it is easy to lose ourselves. I let my depression get the whole of me. I changed for the worse and I dragged the relationship along with it. Knowing that it is I who has fault wasn't easy either. I was the one left with all the what-ifs and could-have-beens

Then, summer vacation came. I tried focusing what's left of me and made it into something greater. The time alone helped me focus on myself. I cultivated, nurtured and molded myself into the person I am right now. I first targeted the depression by reading self-help books and reflecting on the areas of my personality I wanted to target. Then, I allowed myself to enjoy household chores and cooking. I rekindled with old friends and started counting blessings instead of frustrations. In short, I had a make-over, so to speak. ☺

3rd Quarter (July - September)
And of course, just as the 3rd quarter started, Sam and I got back together. Haha I knooooow. I told you, it was one helluva chopsuey-like emotional turmoil for me. Haha Along with the start of a new school year, my love life held promise of a tabula rasa. It initially wasn't that smooth as we're still both broken and hurt from all the things said and done, but we were able to somehow get over them and was happy. Although, I never thought that that happiness can only be short-lived.

4th Quarter (October - December)
This I guess had to be one of the most difficult things I had to face this year. My dad has been in and out of the hospital for almost a whole month. For the first time, I have seen him so helpless and just plaintive. It literally broke my heart. The realization of my parents aging started creeping in. Why do we have this tendency to think that the world just stops the way we remember it? I have been too focused on myself that I have forgotten the fact that it is not only I who grows.

Then semestral break came. I have been given the most shocking news I have yet to receive so far. I need an extra year. Until now, I still haven't made up my mind on how to deal with that, but what the hell. I still need to pass my subjects this year before I deal with that demon. Haha

On top of all that, before the year ended, Sam and I broke-up for good. I caught him cheating. I didn't see that one coming, really. It just wasn't him. But, enough of that. We have talked about it just a few days ago and we have settled things between the two of us. It was a sigh of relief, actually. All I really needed was the whole truth. It's difficult to explain as of the moment, but, what is done is done. I still may not have accepted the whole fact as it is, but I'm getting there. And I think that's what's important and what I need most right now. And now I know, what we both need is to heal. And who knows, maybe after all the pain, regret and suffering has ended, true love still prevails. I hope so. I really do. ☺

****
That's basically how my year has been - a complete set of crazy, but important just the same. I still haven't faced and dealt with a lot of the things here but this 2013, I'm hoping for breakthroughs and solutions. I am a strong believer that these things were given for my growth as a person. Cheers to better and bigger things! HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! ♥ ☺ ♫ ♪


P.S. I basically edited the contents of this entry as I have been so sabaw while doing this, the timeline's just so confusing, hence the mix-up of dates. I have actually been itching to edit this a week after I wrote it but I haven't had the time (not that I have all the time now). K, I'm mumbling all to myself again. Ciao for now!
-edz (3/18/13)

From flood to glad ♥

This day marks the worst flood I have so far experienced in Manila - it's as if my eyes were actually wading the flood - there was just water everywhere I looked. Yes, it's shocking, but most of all, kadiri. 


I came to class without sleep (the reason will be discussed at a later blog post as I want this to be my week's highlight) and still ever hopeful that things will turn out better despite the irritation that's already welling up inside me. And you know what, despite the fact that for the first time, I crossed Manila's flood water, almost got stranded while going home; and all the hassle this typhoon/LPA brings, I'm still amazed as to how this day turned out to be.

Photo courtesy of Yen. :))

5 total strangers offered and gave me help without second thought. I didn't expect that there are still a lot of amazingly wonderful people remaining in Manila. Everyday, I'm exposed to perverts, self-centered, egocentric, and materialistic people - helping is at the bottom of their list, if not none at all. Thank you random stranger #1 for helping me cross City hall just so I won't get immersed in flood water; stranger #2 for being a great barker and finding a big stone for me just so I can ride the jeepney to school without having to immerse my feet in the water; stranger #3 for being the best jeepney driver ever by really stopping over at PLM's entrance so we (your passengers) won't have to walk by the flood just to get to school; stranger #4 for fetching me a cab when I got stranded - without you, I wouldn't really have gone home; stranger #5 for being a kind driver and not asking for too much money in return of your services. Again, I am more indebted to you all. Thank you and may God bless you and your family more today and the days to come. :)

5-3-12: Peanut butter never tasted this good

Last Thursday, I met up with a couple of my favorite friends and hanged out at Mall of Asia. I came in earliest so I roamed around for a little while to find my favorite make-up brands only to disappoint myself and not find the exact things I was looking for. Oh well, I think I just have to scout Etude House and The Face Shop's Alabang branches. Well anyway, I met up with Krantzl first as she was out early. We had Chatime teas as we shopped for bags, make-ups, cookwares, books, and as we waited for Hanny. :)

Krantzl's order: Japanese Sakura Sencha Tea (photo courtesy of Krantzl Narte)

I ordered Chatime's Matcha Red Bean Milk Tea while Krantzl's was Japanese Sakura Sencha Tea. Mine was an okay drink but I didn't like it that much - it was too sweet for my taste plus I can no longer taste the flavor of green tea. I guess the red beans' sweetness plus the sugar overpowered it. Now let's go to Krantzl's drink. Haha I'm so sorry but I really have to be blunt about this: it was disgusting. I don't even know what to compare it to. Even I was surprised Krantz was able to finish it. Never again, Krantz, never again. Hehehe

Shopping with Krantz. I bought Kikay stuff and she bought cookwares!
One very dedicated food-analyst-in-the-making, indeed. :)

We were initially at Fully Booked and I was weighing options as to which John Green
book I'm going to buy but since I cannot decide, I dropped the idea. As we were
looking for a place to eat at, we passed by booksale and whoala! Look what I got! :)

As we were roaming around the mall looking for the best place to eat at, we stopped
by Auntie Anne's and Krantz treated us to this delightful pretzel. Best snack to ease our
hunger from all the walking.

After literally hours of walking, we finally have decided to try out an Indo-Malay-Thai restaurant: Martabak Cafe. We were not sure of what to expect of the dishes. I have tasted Thai dishes before but haven't eaten any Indonesian or Malaysian dishes; so I guess the thought of experiencing something new excited me and I must say, it has been the best decision of the night.  ☺

Lovely wall accents at Martabak Cafe 

Chicken Satay

Kway Teow Goreng

Tahu Isih

I'm used to the peanut flavor in Thai dishes but I didn't expect that peanut butter is also one of the main ingredients on Indonesian and Malaysian dishes. Among the things we ordered, I must say the Kway Teow Goreng was my favorite. It has the right amount of sweetness, saltiness and sourness (from the lemon in place of our very own Kalamansi ☺). The chicken Satay was not so bad, either also delicious. It was served with peanut butter sauce and was braised with its special sauce as well which I think was the best part of the dish. And the last (and least favorite) is the Tahu Isih - a stuffed fried tofu with peanut butter sauce. Although the tofu was cooked well, I just didn't like the flavors of the dish all-together. Add the texture of the tofu inside, eck! Sorry, I'm not a big tofu fan to begin with. I prefer it crunchy and deep fried. But all in all, the experience was great. I really enjoyed our dinner and the food was really delicious and cheap! Best bargain of the night, indeed. :)

The Lovely RND's (L-R): Krantz, moi and Hanny at Martabak Cafe

Meet my two friends: Hanny and Krantz - two of my best buds in College. I really missed these two. I used to do lots of things with Hanny most esp. and it was so much fun to talk with them about everything! Until next time, dearies. I am betting this is one of the many more dinner dates to come. ♥