Today I learned about Mao Asada, the Japanese figure skater champion. I don't know much about figure skating (I don't even know how to skate, for that matter), but man, this girl sure is good! I was able to only watch 2 videos of her and I can't help but notice that she is very graceful and she moves with such fluidity and precision. Just superb. From ~10minutes of skating video, I must say I already adore her. I'm a fan!
_____________________
Speaking of Olympics, Gymnastics, one of the all-time famous girl sports in the world, has been a childhood frustration of mine. Haha I remember wanting to learn gymnastics at an early age but since there weren't any gymnastics school in Parañaque that time, I ended up with ballet instead. Who knows, I could have ended up being an Olympic medalist myself had I pursued that path. Hahaha
Helluva Traveler
Don't let the title fool you. I'm really not one, honestly. Being a traveler would mean fearless commute sessions, marvelous visio-spatial memory, and in constant lookout for that natural high adventures bring. I'm not all of those. And maybe now's still not the time to be even one of those. But, traveler or not, I was in 4 places last Saturday and unbelievably spent some time in each.
The adventure (sort of) started in Puerto Galera. It was my last day for that stay and was having trouble saying goodbye. No one can't blame me, actually. Sam and I haven't been spending that much time together lately because of all the reasons in the world and have decided to take a leave and just take a vacation. But since time immemorial, bad luck seems to love me that every time I visit, I sort of pocket rain with me. So whoala, my whole stay there, it was raining. And mind you, it has been one heavy shower of raindrops. So anyhoo, yes, it was my last day, morning, and breakfast in Puerto Galera. And by 10:45am I was aboard a boat, sailing towards Batangas port and of course, the sun is shining already above me. And just between you and me, a sun tan is kind of a little too late. *Sigh*
I arrived in Batangas around 11:30am and spent the whole time in that area travelling on-board a bus this time. I haven't slept much during that travel. I was kind of thinking more of the things that passed and the things to come so yes, I pretty much had a lot in mind.
Then, I spent a couple of minutes in Manila, fixed a couple of things at the dorm, got rid of some and then another couple of minutes to relish the aircondition before hitting the sunny streets again. And the last place of course is Cavite (which is where I'm at as I'm writing this post).
So there you have it, the adventures and misadventures of this ole miss last March 24,2012.
__________________
As I sat there staring at the vast sky, I realized one thing: I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. It has been awhile since I enjoyed and was contented. There was a time that I enjoyed everyday of my life no matter how difficult circumstances were. I miss that. And the blue sky and sea brought me back that longing. Certainly, I am at loss right now - I am frightened at how unpredictable and shady the future is. I am miss planner. I never leave my bed without having a clear-cut idea of what I'm doing for the day and the days to come. Heck, I had plans even during my bummest days. And so, naturally, this little missy inside me is panicking and fearful for the lack of one. Somehow along the way I have lost the sense of purpose. And I know it's not good. With this age and the world passing by me, time is definitely of the essence. And knowing that I have already wasted a whole lot of it trying to figure out my place in the world, is not very comforting. So maybe, just maybe, I need more skies and more seas and more staring to finally figure out what to do.
The adventure (sort of) started in Puerto Galera. It was my last day for that stay and was having trouble saying goodbye. No one can't blame me, actually. Sam and I haven't been spending that much time together lately because of all the reasons in the world and have decided to take a leave and just take a vacation. But since time immemorial, bad luck seems to love me that every time I visit, I sort of pocket rain with me. So whoala, my whole stay there, it was raining. And mind you, it has been one heavy shower of raindrops. So anyhoo, yes, it was my last day, morning, and breakfast in Puerto Galera. And by 10:45am I was aboard a boat, sailing towards Batangas port and of course, the sun is shining already above me. And just between you and me, a sun tan is kind of a little too late. *Sigh*
I arrived in Batangas around 11:30am and spent the whole time in that area travelling on-board a bus this time. I haven't slept much during that travel. I was kind of thinking more of the things that passed and the things to come so yes, I pretty much had a lot in mind.
Then, I spent a couple of minutes in Manila, fixed a couple of things at the dorm, got rid of some and then another couple of minutes to relish the aircondition before hitting the sunny streets again. And the last place of course is Cavite (which is where I'm at as I'm writing this post).
So there you have it, the adventures and misadventures of this ole miss last March 24,2012.
__________________
As I sat there staring at the vast sky, I realized one thing: I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. It has been awhile since I enjoyed and was contented. There was a time that I enjoyed everyday of my life no matter how difficult circumstances were. I miss that. And the blue sky and sea brought me back that longing. Certainly, I am at loss right now - I am frightened at how unpredictable and shady the future is. I am miss planner. I never leave my bed without having a clear-cut idea of what I'm doing for the day and the days to come. Heck, I had plans even during my bummest days. And so, naturally, this little missy inside me is panicking and fearful for the lack of one. Somehow along the way I have lost the sense of purpose. And I know it's not good. With this age and the world passing by me, time is definitely of the essence. And knowing that I have already wasted a whole lot of it trying to figure out my place in the world, is not very comforting. So maybe, just maybe, I need more skies and more seas and more staring to finally figure out what to do.
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| Taken during my first Puerto Galera trip (Feb, 2011) |
Just so I won't forget - again.
I have been having all these unacknowledged thoughts that are yet to be put into words for the past months or so. I have been wanting to blog for the longest time but just can't seem to do so because of all the reasons in the world. Oh well, med school and all the surprises it gives you. Anyhoo, maybe now I might be able to update this site soon - and by that I hope a comprehensive update of all the things said, done and experienced. 2012 has this way of really making me experience loads of new things and I don't think I can live by knowing I haven't made actual record of things. Haha 'Record'?! Oh well, ta-ta for now.
A is for A-L-L-E-R-G-Y
It's 2 in the morning, raining hard and I should still be snuggling in bed right now, but no. There's this itch I just can't help scratching - LITERALLY. So apparently, the allergy got into me again. This time it was a one hit K.O. I have big as in BIIIIIG rashes all over my body. Eeeeew! I know. And they're all mighty itchy as in big time ITCHY as in it-got-me-out-of-bed-showering-in-the-dawn-itchy. That's how itchy it really is.
The last time I've had an allergy attack like this (or worse) was when I was in my preschool years. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and feel disgust as I see my monster-like face filled with big rashes (even bigger than the ones I have now). So yeah, I've always been a girl allergic to things and by that I mean, Tempra - you know, the Paracetamol thing, cherry-flavored? Ring a bell? Maybe that's most of the reason why I can't seem to eat cherries or cherry-flavored food for that matter, because it tastes like Tempra. Anyway, come teen years, the allergy became different, now attacks come from dust. Come college time, it worsened and attacks came from all sorts of things - strong odors, smoke (cigarette and car smoke), plastic, rubber, zonrox, Surf, Tide, and of course, dust. Allergic Rhinitis, baby. I can pinpoint a whole lot from my family, actually with allergic rhinitis - all my brothers included.
Having an allergy is indeed hard. Oftentimes I don't think of it as such but right now, it's all I can ever think of. Gosh, I can't stop scratching myself and irritates the hell out of me. Please be gone now, I need to finish up a few things, and sleep as I won't be doing much of that anymore next week.
The last time I've had an allergy attack like this (or worse) was when I was in my preschool years. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and feel disgust as I see my monster-like face filled with big rashes (even bigger than the ones I have now). So yeah, I've always been a girl allergic to things and by that I mean, Tempra - you know, the Paracetamol thing, cherry-flavored? Ring a bell? Maybe that's most of the reason why I can't seem to eat cherries or cherry-flavored food for that matter, because it tastes like Tempra. Anyway, come teen years, the allergy became different, now attacks come from dust. Come college time, it worsened and attacks came from all sorts of things - strong odors, smoke (cigarette and car smoke), plastic, rubber, zonrox, Surf, Tide, and of course, dust. Allergic Rhinitis, baby. I can pinpoint a whole lot from my family, actually with allergic rhinitis - all my brothers included.
Having an allergy is indeed hard. Oftentimes I don't think of it as such but right now, it's all I can ever think of. Gosh, I can't stop scratching myself and irritates the hell out of me. Please be gone now, I need to finish up a few things, and sleep as I won't be doing much of that anymore next week.
Even if I may never know the pain
2nd post in less than 6 hours, I know, but I just have to get this out of my chest.
I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.
So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feeltouched remorse.
This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...
I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.
May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.
I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.
So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feel
This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...
I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.
May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.
New plane
So it's the 2nd week of the semestral break and I'm having a blast at making the most out of it. I have learned a lot of things for the past months. I learned a lot not only about academic stuff but myself as well - study habits, what works best for me, and a lot more. I never thought I can actually enjoy medschool.
First off, I have been depressed for some time now. Though I haven't gotten over it fully, I think I'm better and more functional. I just had a lot of things in mind for the past days and it was just too much to handle given that I don't have that much friends in le Manille and I have been spending too much time alone. I've never had that in my life. There were always friends. I am no extrovert for no reason. So before the semester ended, I had this self-reflection and talked to myself a lot and reflected A LOT to finally figure things out. And finally, it worked. I finally got myself on track again. Somehow, on track again. Not yet perfectly in line, but it's a good thing I'm somehow having a grip on things again. ☺
Speaking of friends, not that I don't have any, it's just that, my social life didn't end in school hours then. In fact, for all of my college years and more, my social life just starts after class hours. So, it was definitely a difficult adjustment - a painful one. For the past 3 months, I have been eating breakfast and dinners A-L-O-N-E. Whenever I feel down or bad about something, I have to deal with it A-L-O-N-E. After classes, I go straight home (a.k.a dorm), put my shoes in the rack, open the door, smile at my roomate and our communication for the day ends. How sucky is that?! So anyway, I'm still trying to get past that part. And living with it - trying.
I'm just glad I have some support crowd around me. A different set from what I'm used to but definitely one of the reasons I'm still fighting and going to classes everyday. I'm more than thankful I have Steph, Melvin, Jeanne and Justin. Med School is more wonderful with them. So yes, maybe I am ready to grow and traverse this new pavement. It used to be 'unknown' but now I can claim it as a 'new plane'.
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| We find the most brilliant of people in the most unexpected time of our lives. |
flirt bang matatawag if iba ibang tao from the opposite sex ang kasama mo? bakit ganon na lang makajudge ang mga tao sa paligid? isnt that unfair?
I see nothing wrong with befriending a whole lot of people - be it the opposite sex or not. Why does the opinion of other people highly matter to you, anyway? Let them do all the judging and just do whatever you think is RIGHT. :))
The Long Weekend Equation
Sooooo, I've been depressed for the longest time AND not functioning well. Not to mention, lonely. So here are some of the videos I've been killing the replay button for. I do hope you guys enjoy! :)
Sooooo this prolly will be my last entry for this day (or month). Thank goodness for long weekends. Writing, blogging, surfing I missed! ♥
Right There - Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent
This I know is such a sexy time song but whatev. I like dancing to it. It just has this ultimate relaxing feel. Haha Or maybe, I just miss clubbing so muuuuuch.Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer
From something sexy, let's skip into something wholesome now, shall we? :) Since I started blogging, I've been looking for inspirational videos every now and then and post them here. As of now, here's as inspirational as it gets. I do like this song, more so the artist - such 'tagos-sa-puso' lyrics and overflowing talent. Thank you for Billboard's Top 100 for introducing me to this lovely find. :)Bad Teacher, 2011
It's been awhile since I equated funny to a movie. I must say, THIS IS A MUST-SEE. On the trailer alone, I've been laughing my guts out already (though I haven't watched it yet, nor downloaded it - soon I hope). Such a hilarious film perfect for a suicidal student like me. HahaT.G.I.F. - Katy Perry
And here my friends, is such an overly-funny MV. I swear by this video. Haha! I was only able to watch it a few secs ago (sorry, I've been REAL busy, you know), and I must say, I really can't help but play it over and over and over again. It was such a treat seeing Katy Perry this funny coupled with tons of fave artists. Honestly though, I didn't know that the Hansons still has a career. Anyhoo, it has been nice to see them again. Brings me back to my old 3rd grade self. :) Plus plus plus! Awesome glee stars - Darren Criss and Kevin McHale. Ha! I died watching this video. And not to mention, Rebecca Black. I had no idea that she's likable. Haha Sooooo this prolly will be my last entry for this day (or month). Thank goodness for long weekends. Writing, blogging, surfing I missed! ♥
Unfamiliar plane
And it's one of those nights wherein you feel alone, depressed and uncalled for.
It's hard to be depressed, mind you. A lot of people claim they are when they only think they are.
When you're already in it, you honestly can't shout it out the whole world just because you do not want where you're currently at.
You don't like your predisposition. You want a way out only, you can't.
You can't because you have your worst enemy. And it's yourself - more particularly, your mind.
Sometimes you actually think you're crazy, having all these thoughts, these 'plans'.
And it's not good; it can never be.
But most of the time you just want someone to talk to, more so, to listen.
And you can find no one around - not because there ain't any, but because true friends are rare these days.
Friends who won't pass any judgment; friends who will directly tell when they do have made some judgments.
I miss my friends.
I miss myself.
Somehow, some way, I have lost her. And I better find her soon else, I'd be alone, empty, shallow
and lonely in this endless pit.
ALONE. LONELY. EMPTY.
IN THIS ENDLESS PIT.
Teng-...
Oh well. Talo ko pa ang broken-hearted. Buti sana kung busted ako, hiniwalayan ng boypren, inaway ng mga kaibigan, wala nang kaibigan, itinakwil ng mga magulang, tipong condemned by society na talaga ang drama; pero hindi. Ni isa walang nangyari sa'kin diyan. Buti sana kung choose the best answer diyan at all of the above pero hindi pa rin. Hindi yun yon.
Ang kaso kasi, nag-aral ako. Nag-aral akong mabuti. Halos iyon na lang ang subject ko. Hindi ko na talaga pinapakelaman pa ang iba pero ano nangyari? Wala pa rin. Bagsak. Hindi lang bagsak, lagapak. P@*$(*&#! Feeling ko ako ang pinakamababa. Kahit na feeling lang yun at wala naman talagang basehan kundi ang pagpapalungkot lalo sa sarili, eh hindi pa rin maganda sa pakiramdam. Hindi pa rin magandang may "feeling" kang ganun kahit feeling lang talaga yun. Ang saklap. Gusto kong maiyak kanina. Ganun ba ako kabobo? P*@&#&^@&$! Hindi ko matanggap. Hindi ko talaga inexpect sa totoo lang. Ayun, yun siguro yun. Sa lahat naman ng bagay, mapa-relasyon man o hindi, ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ay yung pinapaasa at umaasa. Shemay. Ang sakit sa heart and soul. Kumikirot eh. Buti sana kung emotions ko lang. tagos pati sa ego ko.
Hindi pwede to. Hindi maaari. Kulang pa. Ibig sabihin kahit feeling ko naguumapaw na, kulang pa rin. Tinimbang ka ngunit kulang. Ganun. Feeling mo magaling ka pero hindi pala. Shit. Babawi ako. PROMISE TO GOD AND MY COUNTRY. Punyemas.
Ang kaso kasi, nag-aral ako. Nag-aral akong mabuti. Halos iyon na lang ang subject ko. Hindi ko na talaga pinapakelaman pa ang iba pero ano nangyari? Wala pa rin. Bagsak. Hindi lang bagsak, lagapak. P@*$(*&#! Feeling ko ako ang pinakamababa. Kahit na feeling lang yun at wala naman talagang basehan kundi ang pagpapalungkot lalo sa sarili, eh hindi pa rin maganda sa pakiramdam. Hindi pa rin magandang may "feeling" kang ganun kahit feeling lang talaga yun. Ang saklap. Gusto kong maiyak kanina. Ganun ba ako kabobo? P*@&#&^@&$! Hindi ko matanggap. Hindi ko talaga inexpect sa totoo lang. Ayun, yun siguro yun. Sa lahat naman ng bagay, mapa-relasyon man o hindi, ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ay yung pinapaasa at umaasa. Shemay. Ang sakit sa heart and soul. Kumikirot eh. Buti sana kung emotions ko lang. tagos pati sa ego ko.
Hindi pwede to. Hindi maaari. Kulang pa. Ibig sabihin kahit feeling ko naguumapaw na, kulang pa rin. Tinimbang ka ngunit kulang. Ganun. Feeling mo magaling ka pero hindi pala. Shit. Babawi ako. PROMISE TO GOD AND MY COUNTRY. Punyemas.
One hell week down!
It's been one of a looooong week. This time last week, I honestly wasn't so sure if I'd be able to check everything on my 'to-do list'. It was that overwhelmingly busy. But here I am today, wasting half of my Saturday as if I keep time as a pet. Haha
Anyway, since it was the very first hell week for this school year, I really wanted to somehow immortalize the week that was. Sooooo, here goes.
It was heartbreaking, annoying, irritating, tiring, saturating, mind-contorting week, but all in all I learned A LOT.
LESSONS FOR THE WEEK:
BIOCHEMISTRY: It's not enough to learn, understand and know by heart the concepts of the topics included in the exam. READ HARPER'S BIOCHEMISTRY book.
So, that says it all. It'll be better next time, I promise. I'm just happy that somehow I'm already coping. MedSchool isn't just another step, a new mileage in the game; it's a whole new lifestyle. :)
Anyway, since it was the very first hell week for this school year, I really wanted to somehow immortalize the week that was. Sooooo, here goes.
It was heartbreaking, annoying, irritating, tiring, saturating, mind-contorting week, but all in all I learned A LOT.
LESSONS FOR THE WEEK:
BIOCHEMISTRY: It's not enough to learn, understand and know by heart the concepts of the topics included in the exam. READ HARPER'S BIOCHEMISTRY book.
This I swear was the most heart-breaking of all.
I really studied and prepared for this exam
but did not do well on it just because I did not read the said book.
I noticed almost verbatim
from it. KAINIS. The most difficult part to accept is,
I might fail this subject's first long quiz. Sheesh.
GROSS ANATOMY: Erasures are allowed on the practical exam. HAHA This is what students who don't pay attention get.
I would have aced it had it not been for
a stupid and careless mistake.
Next time, listen to EVERYTHING the prof says,
no matter how sleepy you are! Haha
I personally think that this has been the highlight of the week.
The exam was easy and all of us were smiling afterwards.:)
NEUROANATOMY: Read in advance. Read previous lectures.
I take all the blame if I get a low score on this exam.
I honestly did not prepare for it.
It was a stupid move I know;
to think that the exam was easy!
Sayang lang. Since I did not study,
I didn't know where to get the answers. HAHA
Oh well, next time, Neuroana shouldn't be taken for granted.
I have to make-up for the next one. :)
PHYSIOLOGY: Nothing beats preparation!
It was a difficult exam in the sense that
you really have to analyze EVERYTHING.
It was a synthesis of all the topics discussed
and questions don't just dwell on one particular topic.
Though I know I won't score that too well,
I was happy with it. It was an intelligently-made exam.
I appreciate the hard-work the professors have put on it. :)
So, that says it all. It'll be better next time, I promise. I'm just happy that somehow I'm already coping. MedSchool isn't just another step, a new mileage in the game; it's a whole new lifestyle. :)
Ano'ng pinaka-effective na Iwas-Baha Technique/s mo?
Ano'ng pinaka-effective na Iwas-Baha Technique/s mo?
All's well that ends so-so well
Life has a funny way in giving us what we want. It has its own timing and twists to get the story more interesting. You know a funnier thing? Talking about life as if it's whole other person just around the corner. Haha sorry. I just don't know the proper term to coin it since I don't want to sound preachy, tackling about God; or dreamy by talking about destiny. So yes, let's talk about life. After all, it's what this blog's about.
Going back, yes, life is indeed at times funny, always unpredictable and sometimes cruel. Just a few weeks back, I was crying my eyes out, self-analyzing and crushed. Honestly, it was such a huge blow to have a rejection that massive. It was a first for me. Though I haven't recovered fully from that one yet, here I am, trying to suck all there is left to try and hold my head up high (but not too high to forget the ground I'm stepping at).
Maybe this is life's way of teaching me to be patient and maintain my cool whatever situation I find myself at. It's a tough one to learn, I know, but at least in the end, Life and I both got what we want from each other (or I did, at least. Haha).
P.S. This song completes my morning ritual every single day. It just uplifts my spirit every time I hear it. I just don't know how it's related with this post, indirectly, maybe? HAHA
P.P.S. Which reminds me, I should be reading Guyton right now. Ta-tah!
Going back, yes, life is indeed at times funny, always unpredictable and sometimes cruel. Just a few weeks back, I was crying my eyes out, self-analyzing and crushed. Honestly, it was such a huge blow to have a rejection that massive. It was a first for me. Though I haven't recovered fully from that one yet, here I am, trying to suck all there is left to try and hold my head up high (but not too high to forget the ground I'm stepping at).
Maybe this is life's way of teaching me to be patient and maintain my cool whatever situation I find myself at. It's a tough one to learn, I know, but at least in the end, Life and I both got what we want from each other (or I did, at least. Haha).
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| Try to read between the lines. |
P.P.S. Which reminds me, I should be reading Guyton right now. Ta-tah!
Ouchie times two times three times four
Something's wrong with my tummy. Being depressed and having an upset stomach is the worst combination ever. Masakit na sa heart and soul, masakit pa sa tiyan and ___.
TABULA RASA: Toughen up little soldier, toughen up
Often in our lives do we find ourselves unexpectedly falling in a pit that seem to be endless, scary, dark and achluophobic. Oftentimes too, do we grope and fumble in search of that "light" that we only make up in our heads; or, make ourselves believe in false hopes that lead us to making up our own versions of reality which in truth is definitely far from one. And often do we try to make ourselves feel better by just shrugging everything off, thinking that it is the best possible way we can do to cope.
Yes, pits can give us that sense of affright we don't expect to get when we're traveling our way in this thing called life. It may well be scary, but isn't that the thrill to it? What's the use of having to live a life where one already knows EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of the future?
I had someone remind me recently that life goes on that way - it never gives us exactly what we want. Sure, sometimes it does, but not all the time. You just have to make do of anything and everything that you currently have.
A few months, weeks, days ago, I had a different thought on what I'd write under this same title. That time, I thought it'll symbolize the new life I'd be facing as I fulfill my life-long dream. I was wrong. Life flatly shouted, "Not for you, dear! Another time, another day!". Well, for that, someone out to teach Life on how to be polite and subtle.
Oh well, 'another time, another day,' it is, then. I'm done crying about it. Well, it did do me good for a couple of days, mind you. But after some time, I tired of it - making myself sad. There's no one in this world capable of bringing and making your self feel pain than yourself. So, I eventually realized that crying may seem to help emotionally and mentally, but it won't help in actually solving the problem. And whoala, here I am, trying my best to slowly face it head-on.
I am not a believer that our lives are already crafted out for us. For all I know, we all are makers of our own destiny and that so-called destiny is the end of our own means. And so for that destiny of mine, this is just another bump on the road - one of the pivoting forces I may be able to use someday to plummet my way to reach what seem to be unreachable as of now. I know one day, I'll look back, and think that I truly needed this whole time and experience to be where I've always wanted to be.
These may all seem to be pretty amazing and ideal. But honestly, I don't believe all of these yet. The important thing is, at least I'm already getting there. Acceptance is such an aversive little thing. For now, I'd like to think of this as a new passageway. A clear passageway instead of a dark, scary one. A new clean slate instead of a cleaned slate. And deep down, I know, I'm already getting excited of all the things I can put in it to finish my collage at the end of this all.
Yes, pits can give us that sense of affright we don't expect to get when we're traveling our way in this thing called life. It may well be scary, but isn't that the thrill to it? What's the use of having to live a life where one already knows EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of the future?
I had someone remind me recently that life goes on that way - it never gives us exactly what we want. Sure, sometimes it does, but not all the time. You just have to make do of anything and everything that you currently have.
A few months, weeks, days ago, I had a different thought on what I'd write under this same title. That time, I thought it'll symbolize the new life I'd be facing as I fulfill my life-long dream. I was wrong. Life flatly shouted, "Not for you, dear! Another time, another day!". Well, for that, someone out to teach Life on how to be polite and subtle.
Oh well, 'another time, another day,' it is, then. I'm done crying about it. Well, it did do me good for a couple of days, mind you. But after some time, I tired of it - making myself sad. There's no one in this world capable of bringing and making your self feel pain than yourself. So, I eventually realized that crying may seem to help emotionally and mentally, but it won't help in actually solving the problem. And whoala, here I am, trying my best to slowly face it head-on.
I am not a believer that our lives are already crafted out for us. For all I know, we all are makers of our own destiny and that so-called destiny is the end of our own means. And so for that destiny of mine, this is just another bump on the road - one of the pivoting forces I may be able to use someday to plummet my way to reach what seem to be unreachable as of now. I know one day, I'll look back, and think that I truly needed this whole time and experience to be where I've always wanted to be.
These may all seem to be pretty amazing and ideal. But honestly, I don't believe all of these yet. The important thing is, at least I'm already getting there. Acceptance is such an aversive little thing. For now, I'd like to think of this as a new passageway. A clear passageway instead of a dark, scary one. A new clean slate instead of a cleaned slate. And deep down, I know, I'm already getting excited of all the things I can put in it to finish my collage at the end of this all.
I have chosen to just laugh about it
For today, I:
- *drew three men. Two of which involves drawing their whole abdominal and guts area just so I can portray the quadrants and regions of the body AND the the last one being the luckiest who gets to have all his insides and other parts complete (yes, ALL intricate parts one can think of);
- *drew the cell and its parts (which by the way is a 4th for me in the span of 4 meetings);
- *drew the phases of mitosis (the last time being on my second year in high school);
- *started reading one of the 4 chapters that wasn't discussed at all but we're gonna have an exam on;
- *burst of all the things that got me into the conclusion that for the last 2 weeks that I've been attending classes, I AM STILL NOT LEARNING ANYTHING.
I also:
- *reminisced at the discussion we last had during my human anatomy and physiology class (fondest memories will have to be: my prof saying that The Curious Case of Benjamin Bottom is a true to life story; and our National bird is an Eating-Monkey Eagle);
- *recalled our last mcb lab: which includes having to sit-in for an examination with a different section OF A DIFFERENT SUBJECT (what the hell, right?!); my prof forgetting about the exam; her forgetting about everything that lapses in an hour; AND having to sit-in for another laboratory class with a different subject, specifically zoology and end up having to do MORE than the zoo kids;
- *ranted with the boyfriend of all the things that has happened with me on that school since I went in.
On one side, it is indeed very irritating and painful in the head. WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! But at the end of the day, one need not be affected with all these things, or at least try to be. Rant it all out ONCE, and then forget about it. I guess that'll be the best way to handle it. By this time, I have indeed accepted the fact that expectations - my expectations - were not met at the very least, even.
Oh well, that's life. You get lemons, squeeze them and get some mungbean in return instead of a lemonade. Surprise, surprise!
O, BILI BILI NA! HOPIA MUNGGO, HOPIA MUNGGO!
About Me
- edzdeline
- I'm trying to get my balance as I fidget my way back to the world.
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Such a bookworm
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