Some ME time

It has been a long time since I last went out by myself. I guess the thought of being alone scared me more than being lonesome itself. And then I realized just now how I missed being by myself - not worrying about the world's complexities and just enjoying the 'now'.

Life has been messing up with me for the past couple of months that it has been so easy for me to lose sight of who I was and what I want to be here for. This week, I was reminded that no matter how shitty things have gone, not much has actually changed - I'm still here. And that should've meant something, right? I mean, if God wanted me out of this world, He should've just let me die during the shooting a couple of weeks ago, or could've caused some accident to annihilate me BUT HE DIDN'T. And I guess that should've accounted for something.

As cliche as it sounds, I know He doesn't give us problems we cannot handle. And as I was trying to look at the bigger picture, it isn't too late for me, after all. I can still be happier. I can still find the man of my dreams. I can still become a doctor. I can still pass all my subjects. I can still go to places I have always wanted to visit. I can still build myself into becoming a better person. I can still work on something in my life that my future self will thank me for. ☺

It hasn't been easy to be in this place I'm at right now. It took me months to stop with all of the crying and moping. I was on the verge of self-destruction. I wasn't myself - I was nobody, actually. I wanted myself dead. I thought I'd be doing the world a favor if I just disappeared. But then, just like what I said a couple of weeks ago, one will never know his strength until he is at his weakest. I was stripped away of the life I used to know and the only person I loved truly was suddenly taken from me. It was the lowest my life has been - well, it sure felt that way, if ever it really wasn't. Haha Well, my point here is, I just want to thank my friends and family for everything. I wouldn't have been able to surpass everything without their help. So, here goes...

I thank my MedSchool friends for all the support and help. You guys really never gave up on me even when I was doing so on myself. Thank you Steph and Jeanne for always listening and accompanying me just so I could focus and study. Thank you for all the advices and understanding. I know you may not have approved of all my decisions, but you guys were always there, giving me a hug or a spank whenever I needed one. hehe :) Thank you Melvin and Justin for always being there as well. I know I haven't been talking to you much lately but I have always felt your concern. I know you have always wanted to protect me from all the hurt but you just can't do anything about it. And for that, I thank you. Thank you Yen, Kath, Vivi and Jerro. You have always been there to listen and to make me smile during my lowest times. All the fun and great energy you provide me with is incomparable. I really needed that. You never failed to give me something happy to take home with me at the end of the day. Every passing day, I always had something to be thankful for because of you guys. And you don't know how much that means to me.

I want to thank my orgmates from UPTC for being so understanding and caring. You guys have always looked out for me since time immemorial. You were my second family and I still consider you so even after all these years. Thank you Gretchen and Janboyet. You know I love you and you are the people I'd give my life to if I have a chance. You were the epitome of true friends. We haven't been together as much as we used to but you never failed to make me feel your presence even if we already have different lives of our own. Whenever we meet, I feel like I'm in Elbi wherever we go. Haha Thank you for all the love and support you have and are currently giving. The four of us were the tightest of the cliques before, and now that it's only us three remaining, thank you for never leaving me on my own. I don't know how much I can thank you but there, I have given you a lot of thank you's for this post, haven't I? Haha Thank you Dre for all the wise words. You have always been the big brother I looked up to and you just always know the right words to say every single time. Thank you for all the understanding and for always being the bigger person for everyone concerned. I knew I could always count on you. And of course, thank you Chass for all the listening, understanding and care. We have been through a couple of major things together recently and it has been easier because of you. Thank you so much for everything. The recent events made me more closer to you than I have been during my whole stay in the University and I thank you for opening up the way you did. You're one of the few youngsters I truly love. And I know for sure, one day, we'd be happier. ♥

And of course I want to thank my long-time friends Kathy, Ivy, Hanny and Anne.. Kathy, I know we haven't been spending much time as we used to but it really meant a lot when you reached out and offered your support. I can't be more thankful for everything. We're miles apart but I swear, you never failed to make me feel the sincerity of your love and concern. I hope to see you soon. :). Ibedon, thank you so much for all the empowerment and wise words, you never made me feel like I, or the situation I'm at was judged. We haven't been spending that much time together but I'm really thankful for having a friend like you. I knew I can always count on you. :) Hanibunita! Oh my gosh, how can I ever thank you enough for all the love, support and fun? You have been my bestest friend since HNF41 days and I must say, we have come a long way from our College shopping sprees and endless conversations. I really am lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for always being there for me through all the good and the bad. Thank you for teaching me a lot of things and for always being a reminder that life should always be dealt with smile and composure. We have just been through a lot that I know I wouldn't be the person I am now today if it weren't for you. Bola-ish but true. Hehe :))) And of course, Anne Krista, thank you so much for all the love, support and friendship. We haven't seen each other for literally years but you have always been there. You're still here, giving me support and you just don't know how much you helped me during those times when I was at my lowest. The daily conversations really helped me more than anything. Thank goodness for technology as I can converse with you even if you're already in Auz! I never thought that our friendship could've endured all those years. And I say we have become closer than we were when you were still here. I swear one day, I'd be able to visit you there. You are one of those friends I am lucky I am able to keep. Thank you for everything ☺

I'm not saying I'm past everything but because of you, I have come to see things at a different light. Because of all your care and support, I'm in a better place. And most importantly, because of all your love, I'm no longer afraid. I now realize that I need not be afraid for I am not alone. I am being given love more than my two hands can ever clasp.

THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU. 

CHEERS TO MORE YEARS OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP! ❤☺

Faith

I have carried this for far too long. From these day forth, I lift it all up to You. I have been such a worrier that it has taken the whole of me. And I am tired. I am just tired. I guess I have pondered too much on things I have no control over to begin with. It's no longer in my hands and I no longer wish for things to be over, or be back as it were. I just wish for an accepting heart. I just pray for strength to accept things as they already are. I am no brave one but I know, I have enough strength in me to surpass whatever it is I have to face. I now understand that my happiness is not in any one else's hands - it is a decision and I am now taking it in mine. I have become such a worrier. I have become so dependent. I have refused growth for far too long that I have lost myself in the process. I am tired and I know that only in Your hands will I be able to garner peace and content. I have gone astray for too long and now I'm back. I want to be back and I want to be myself again. I have been alone and lonesome for too long that I have forgotten to regard my place in You has always been there. I have failed to realize that You were just waiting as I tried to slash my way through every adversity, barely getting out. I have failed to realize that You have always been there, waiting for my call for help all along. Now I know that I need not fear being alone because wherever I am, wherever this leads, You will always be there, guiding and supporting me.

Coping Mechanism

Because MedSchool can be tough at times, we find ways to keep our sanity and release all the pressure and frustrations. :)

Isang araw, sa Cobo...

Bored during review

Paliitan ng mukha tactics#1

Meet Steph, the Burlesque queen..

Mi lovies. Thanks for always looking out for me <3

HULI! Natutulog during Pharma Classsssssszzzzz.

Fave game as of the moment. <3

Natuwa sa first time na free wifi sa AVR

Aral-aralan at McDo with Vivi, Yen and Kath

Milk tea craze with Melvin and Steph

And this my friends might be the most sensible poem ever. Hahaha (c) Kath Dellosa

My fave person as of the moment.Mehehe :3

Isang araw, nag-crave kami ng Chocolate Cake. <3

Paras Lect with Doc N :)

Milk tea date with half of the Babaysots. (Yes, namamaga pa diyan ang fez ko because of the surgery)

More crazy moments to come! <3

... So there you go - some of my wonderful moments this month because I need to stock up on happy thoughts. Shooo, depression! I have been blessed with more than enough awesomeness courtesy of my friends. :) <3

Morning thoughts

And then it hit me, I think I need some help. I've been depressed for far too long that until right now I'm still dysfunctional to the point wherein I cry almost everyday.

...and this thought actually scared me.

No judgments, please. Like what I said, help is what I need, but most importantly, understanding.

Not Miserable at all

Too much emotion all at once.

I do hope that people see beyond the love story this magnificent tale tells. It speaks so much of the culture and of the people at that time - the suffering, their pain, joys, victories and battles. Such a rich story that I can't even begin how to describe. Never in my life have I imagined that I'd be able to encounter a story that can depict almost all (if not all) of the forms of love. Hands down too to the director, cast, crew and all of the people that made the movie possible. It is nice to make this generation be reminded that not all what seems to be apparent right now is what's all there is. There was once a time when people worry not only of petty things such as academics, money, and love, but of bigger things such as their own lives per se. It's a big world and what's in front of you may not be exactly what you'll get beyond an arm's reach.

I am thankful for having been able to encounter this story at this point of my life. Victor Hugo really never fails.

“Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables