Hindi ako Lasenggera

Taken September of 2008. Grekka and I looking young and tipsy.

As one of my students happen to mention about drinking beer tonight, I came to realize that it has been a long time since I last drank one. Life really is different when apart from that one I used to call College.


When I was a University student, I often drink alcohol with friends. Don't get me wrong here, I am no alcoholic and party-addict. From time to time, we just like celebrating and ending a long, tiring and stressful day with our favorite drink at hand at our favorite place with our favorite people. There was even an inside joke that students in our campus are wild party-goers. Well, I don't know about all people in our lot for I cannot speak for them, but in my crowd, it was never like that. We just party to  laugh at our nitwittedness, talk about our misgivings, rant about frustrations and basically, to just enjoy each other's company. Savoring the alcohol just comes second. 


Spending nights with friends over alcohol is the thing that I would never have traded even if offered with a hefty price. It is priceless and more often than not, how I met my dearest friends that I still hold on up 'til now. 


Talking with my student kind of made me realize that I miss beer. My taste buds' longing for its bitter taste, my nose for its stenchy smell, and my eyes for its wiwi-looking color. But more importantly, I miss my friends and our reckless dispositions, our vibe for adventures and that feeling of youngness that got us into thinking that we're invisible, all-knowing and we've got the rest of our lives to toy around with. Gawd, I miss college. I miss tisi.

I find solace in writing

...and I don't care if you like it or not.

Just another heartache

Maria Aragon - Gaga's recent favorite

Time and again, there are certain videos that I certainly love that lands a spot here on my blog. And I usually make it a point that it's something to inspire not only me, but other people as well. 


Today, I woke up still feeling sullen about my exam yesterday. Try as I might, I can't get it off my head. It was a dream. It was my dream for the longest time and I feel like it's being nabbed away from me just like that. It is painful, I must tell you. All the while I was commuting back home, I was fighting back tears. I don't think any preparation could  have prepped me for that exam. Being one wide-reader could have been one. Well, I'm a wide-reader myself, but... Okay, so let me rephrase that, being an extra-super-duper wide-reader could have been the ultimate preparation for it. 


So today, out of routine, I checked on the internet and one thing led to another until my fingers landed me on this one. Such an adorable kid, YES, an amazing talent, too. But what caught me more are the words of this song. Very timely. You know those moments when you're depressed or heartbroken or just merely sad when you think almost all love songs and blues out there are dedicated to you? Well, this is that moment for me, only, this ain't no love song, it's a Pop song, actually. This kid's rendition's just the perfect way to soothe my nerves for today and calm my spirits. The next question now is, how long will it last before I start aiming for my jugular vein?


I don't know.


I need friends ASAP. Plus coffee, plus laughter, plus extra loads of wonderful people. And most especially, my lovelife.

I have one word for you, exam:

UKINAM!

Pwedeng kada shade ko ng sagot eh sinasabi ko sa'king utak ang mga katagang: 'P*kening P*kP*k'. Whatever that means.

When you think WAY too much

Taken on Oct. of 2008 at IPB, UPLB during our research

Sabi nila, there are 7 kinds of intelligences. Hindi ka man magaling academically, posibleng magaling ka sa ibang bagay katulad ng pagpinta, pagsayaw, pagkanta, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero siyempre mas bongga ka kung more than one ang intelligence na meron ka. Halimbawa na lang, magaling ka na sa acads, magaling ka pa sa sports at arts. O di ba, ang cool mo nun?


Sabi din nila, lahat ng nasa UP, matatalino, sa libu-libo ba namang kumuha ng UPCAT, isa ka sa privileged few na pumasa at natanggap sa prestihiyosong Unibersidad. Pero katulad ng nakararami, sabi rin (at pakibilang na rin ako sa kanila), mas mahirap makalabas ng UP kesa makapasok. Tama. Napatunayan ko yan. Pero siyempre rin, wala pa ring tatalo sa lahat ng natutunan mo sa eskwelahang yan. Lahat na ata matututunan mo - mapa-academics, lablayp pati practicality maituturo sa'yo. Talaga namang proud akong sabihing, binuo ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas ang pagkatao ko.


Having said all of these, tila may mga bagay din namang hindi maituturo sa iyo. Mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang ituro dahil hello, you should've mastered it a long time ago (as in 2nd grade time pa dapat). Kaya kanina, habang nagninilay-nilay ako kung ano ba ang mga posibleng itanong sa exam bukas, eh napaisip ako. Actually, andami kong naisip.


Sa dami ng nabasa kong reviews/blogs about MCAT, dalawang bagay lang ang tumatak sa isip ko, mahirap siya at basic concepts ang kasama. Kinabahan tuloy ako. Naalala ko ang NMAT ko. Maniniwala ba kayong sa Physics and Chemistry part, hindi ako nag-solve? Okay, well, sinubukan kong mag-solve for one number pero nang marealize kong hindi ko talaga maalala ang formulas, eh nanghula na lang ako sabay dasal sa lahat ng pwedeng madasalan na sana kahit kalahati ng hula ko eh tumama? Well, siguro more than half ang tumama pero hindi nito maiaalis na kinakabahan na ako lalo ngayon dahil baka swerte lang talaga para sa'kin ang 2010 at baka hindi ko na dala ang swerte ngayong 2011. Sooooo, kakaisip ko ng mga pwedeng itanong bukas, bigla kong naisip ang mga bagay na sobrang bopols ako.


I thought about clouds.


Yes friends, nakakahiya mang aminin, UPian ako pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga pinagkaiba ng mga ulap. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ilan ba talagang klaseng ulap meron tayo at hindi ko na pinag-aksayahan pang alamin. Hindi sa nagrarason ako eh, no, pero tandang-tanda ko na Grade 2 yan nang itinuro sa amin. At sakto, absent ako! Pagpasok ko kinabukasan, biglang hinanapan ako ng teacher ko ng Assignment, kelangan ko daw i-drawing ang lahat ng klase ng ulap. Asaan na daw?! Yes, pinagalitan ako. Buti na lang mabait ako nun at hindi ko siya sinagot ng: "Hello?! As if naman alam kong may assignment. Ikaw ba ang absent-minded o ako? Nakalimutan mo na bang absent ako yesterday?". So, umuwi akong hindi alam ang mga ulap at bigo dahil feeling ko napakawalang-kwenta kong estudyante, hindi gumagawa ng assignment. So ayun, after nun, sinumpa ko ang mga ulap and yes, ang aking teacher. But, don't get me wrong, I'm really not making an excuse here. ☺
Going back, pwede bang mag-solve na lang tayo ng mga mathematical problems magdamag; gumawa ng research papers, case studies; iexplain ko sa inyo ang different processes na nangyayari sa loob ng inyong katawan (kahit hanggang cellular level pa if you want); o hindi kaya naman magkwentuhan tayo about sa pathology ng diseases? Pwedeng yun na lang at wag na natin pag-usapan ang mga ulap at halaman? 
Yes, please pakisama na rin ang nature sa mga "Topics you should refrain from mentioning when edz is around". Nabanggit ko na ba na, pare-pareho lang para sa singkit kong mga mata ang lahat ng puno/dahon sa buong mundo? Oo, alam kong iba-iba sila pero kahit buong taon mo akong kwentuhan about sa Taxonomy ng Plant species eh hindi talaga siya kayang i-grasp ng aking utak, at kung after a year ay tatanungin mo ako kung ano'ng puno ang kahit anong Palm tree, with all pride and dignity ko pa ring isasagot sa'yong, "Hello?! Ano akala mo sa'kin tanga?! Malamang coconut tree!"


Lahat naman tayo may flaws, di ba? O, eto ang isa sa'kin. Gusto ko lang i-share dahil alam kong matatawa kayo. ♥


But then again, baka hindi naman siya itanong. Haha

Something new

Because I'm finally feeling the summer heat, here's something new for a change! :)

How'd you like my new blogger template? Isn't it refreshing just in time for this dry season? :)

Ang Pag-Iiibig kong Ito, Luha ang Tanging Nakamit Buhat Sa'yooo

Gustuhin ko mang ibahagi sa inyong lahat ang aking mga karanasan nitong nakaraang weekend, na talaga namang nagpakumpleto sa (tingin kong) malungkot at platonic kong buhay, eh sadyang hindi ko pa talaga magawa. Gusto ko kapag naidetalye ko na ang mga bagay-bagay, kumpleto, walang kulang, at panay labis na ekspresyon lamang para naman maramdaman niyo talaga ang aking pagkamangha at pagkahumaling sa lugar na iyon. I want to justify its grandness, kung baga. Dahil diyan, ibubuhos ko na lang muna ang spot na ito sa isang bagay na nagpapabigat sa dibdib ko makailang araw na rin naman.


DISCLAIMER: Ito ay pawang kathang-isip lamang. Kung ang mga karakter, sitwasyon at lugar ay nahuhugis sa mga kakilala o naranasan ninyong mga bagay, pasintabi na lamang.


I am a very emotional and emphatic person. I easily absorb whatever other people are feeling. Sometimes it's very helpful, at most times it isn't. I even remember one time when I pleaded friends to stop first seeking a confidant in me just because I can no longer concentrate in my own life and feelings. It almost felt like I'm already living their lives for them - their emotions controlling the whole of me. It was bad. I hated those times. It didn't helped me in any way either. My life became a mess along with them. So now, I am trying my hardest not to be too emphatic, too moved and affected with other people. But, I just have to make an exception with this one. I have always had a soft spot for goodbyes.


Nothing beats the loneliness a long-distance-relationship brings. I should know for, my partner and I are on that exact situation, but being provinces apart is different from being countries apart. Just the thought of meeting with your other half on a monthly basis is unbearable. What more if you are totally unable to whenever, right?


Recently I found out that a friend had to totally separate with a loved one because of the difficult situation an LDR brings. I do believe that parting with someone even if both of you still love each other is the most difficult break-up there is. I just couldn't help but cry for them - let those unwelcome tears roll for them since they cannot for themselves for as you may have guessed, they are still enjoying each and every moment they're together. So here's a song for you guys and everyone else suffering the same plot (as I am not in the position to spill each and every detail):

DISTANCE AND TIME

by Alicia Keys

You are always on my mind 

all I do is count the days 

where are you now? 

I know I never let you down 

I will never go away 

I really wish that you'd stay but what can we do 

all the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you 

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home 

No matter how far you are 
no matter how long it takes him 

through distance and time 

I'll be waiting 

and if you have to walk a million miles 

I'll wait a million days to see you smile 

distance and time, I'll be waiting 

distance and time, I'll be waiting 

will you take a train, to meet me where I am 

are you on your way? 

I will never do anything to hurt you 

I'll never live without you 

I really wish that you would stay but what can we do 

All the days that you've been gone I dreamed about you 

and I anticipate the day that you will come home, home, home

Now you know why I'm not such a fan of Love Stories be it on film or in writing. I just cry my eyes out every time; spend lots of hours thinking about the manipulated reality created in it. It is always difficult to detach myself in any situation I'm watching or hearing, thus affecting my own emotions. Weird, I know. But sometimes, it helps. I just can't pinpoint now how.


So, friends, let's just watch some Rambo now, shall we?

Unexpected

I did something totally random but (I think) counts as good today. 


I've finally had the courage to ask someone's forgiveness from the feud we've had ages ago. I will no longer get into the minute details of it, but from my end, I guess it's a stupid, childish fight over something totally irrelevant. 


It feels great, though. As cliche as it sounds, it's as if a torn has been pulled off my chest. 


No matter how she takes it, I'm glad I had the courage to finally do it. It's rejuvenating and something that's been long overdue. 


I am a believer that friendships can never end once it has started. I just hope she feels the same way. I am actually looking forward to finally make peace with her - it may not be now, but I'm willing to wait. She can take all the time she wants as long as at the end, I can still find that friend I used to have in her. ☺