I've always had a hard time saying goodbyes. I'm as clingy as can be. My mind is fixated on this childhood fantasy that everything everyone will stay for as long as I want them to be - for as long as I can hold on to them.
Writing this doesn't even make it easier. I don't know what to say without fighting back tears. Just this morning I found out that my grandfather died. Our house help told me so before I was about to start eating and as you may have guessed, eating didn't come off as easy, either.
I'm planning on making a more decent post about this in the next coming days when I'm more myself already. This is actually my first time to face death head-on. When I was younger, I used to run away from it as long as I can. It was traumatic in a way. Hopefully, this time I'd be able to mourn well and honor our loving and great grandfather's memory the best way I can.
P.S. This just makes it far more worse. Here we are, about to celebrate the latest feat my brother has accomplished with heavy hearts and burdensome pain at the expense of a loss of a great one . Life's little ironies.
I was the second one to be interviewed and realized upon opening the office door on exit, that I was the last one to leave as well. Now I can't help but batter my brains inside out while trying to think if it's a good thing or a bad one.
Did my answers sound fabricated? Do I look like someone who is not determined to enter Med School? Is there something wrong with wanting to help? Is it really superficial for people nowadays to actually genuinely serve his/her countrymen especially the needy ones? What is wrong with being contented with fulfillment? Is there not one other person aside from me that does not consider (even to the slightest atomic sublevel) money as gauge of self-worth and career advancement? Do I look like someone who'll work only for money?
If I wear dresses and is a girly type of lass, that doesn't reduce the fact that I can also be your adventurous, cowboy-type. If you haven't been on slums, that doesn't mean I haven't been to as well. I guess experience-wise in terms of community service, I have more than you. I have been to squatters' areas, slums, helped Mangyans, homeless people, children and adults alike, and have not once thought of asking for money for my services. I don't see anything wrong with public service and I will stand firm on all the things I said until eternity. People have different opinions, and are all entitled to one. I respect whatever you believe at, you may have seen the business head-on for more years than I have, but that doesn't mean that there are no people like me - people who are ready to offer this country the service it has long been thirsting for. Then there's another thing we can't be on the same page for - you see it as a business, I see it as a venue for social change.
I have to say, the most difficult part of an interview will have to be the commute back home.
If only I knew this song that Monday afternoon, or before it, I would have sung my lungs out in front of my interviewer just so I can have a rebut when she said:
"Hindi pa ako convinced sa mga sagot mo" (I am not yet convinced with your answers);
and whenever she made faces and raised her eyebrows with matching "Sigurado kaaaaaa?!" (Are you sure?!) whenever I talk about public service and all the things I stand ground for.
My heart goes out to all the Japanese out there. :( I have lots of Japanese friends so I can't help but be really affected by this incident. :( All my hopes and prayers goes out to them :(
That explains all the ecstasy and gaiety I'm feeling right now. UNBELIEVABLE. Thank you God and everyone there is to thank. My heart still keeps skipping a beat every time I think of it. Med School, here I coooooooome! ☺
I'll soon be back at the comforts of school and study. ♥
I have never been a believer that just one song can catch all there is in your life. I mean, come on! Who can be such a marvelous of a songwriter that even one person can relate wholly to just one particular song? Well, apparently, there are people like that and just this morning I found the theme song of my current life.
Duffy - DISTANT DREAMER from the album Rockefeller
I can't help but actually laugh as I was listening to the chorus part. The song says it all. A-MAAAAA-ZUNG.
P.S. Did I ever mention that this is just brilliant?
It definitely has been a while since I last had the urgency to write, let alone open my blog. I have been awfully busy for the past days. Busy (still) worrying about the result of my exam (I mean seriously, why does the result have to be released only AFTER A MONTH?! Only in the Philippines); planning the next getaway with friends; actually meeting friends; and most importantly, tending to my sick bodeh.
Growing up, I haven't been very sickly. I've never been actually confined at a hospital or a clinic even. But things decided to take a turn come College days. I instantly found myself getting flus, upper respiratory tract infections, and what-have-you's almost every month. And every time I give Manila a visit, my home welcomes me with a cold or cough, or both. Through the years, my body has learnt not to be immune with dust, smoke and all the dirt there is, which by the way comprises almost 100% of the environment.
When I have little kiddos of my own, I swear I'll expose them to all the dirt there is early on so they won't follow the footsteps of this feeble lass.
P.S. Ash Wednesday pala ngayon? I didn't know until a friend posted something on Facebook. I cannot quite remember when did I start not to care. Or come to think of it, did I really as in genuinely cared at all for this in the first place?
