Even if I may never know the pain

2nd post in less than 6 hours, I know, but I just have to get this out of my chest.

I didn't know her. I never met her. I didn't even know if I have passed by her, walked along side her, rode with her in the jeepney or ate with her in one of the many food chains in UPLB. All I know is, I have once traversed those streets; I have more than once went home in the evening, strolled to get some cold night air when times seem tough and I'm all pissed; I have always felt sheltered in that place - safe. And it's nerve-wracking, shocking, painful and unbelievable that such crime can be committed within the vicinity of the campus I love, the University I have known as a home.

So this morning, out of ritual on a semestral break, I ate breakfast and opened my facebook account. There, I found people posting a couple of stuff about someone, how they grieve for such an incident. At first I thought it was 'Steve Jobs' all over again, so I didn't mind it. After a few hours, someone posted a link that caught my attention. The words UPLB, rape, murder in one sentence isn't such a good combination and yes, it instantly got my attention. So apparently, this girl had to die of such selfish, pathetic and bullshit causes. I can't help but feel touched remorse.

This morning, as I was eager to know the full story of it, I came across a news site that featured the story. It had a photo of the victim when she was found and God, it really gave met he chills. I can no longer find it, though. They have replaced some of the contents and removed the picture. It was really not a good sight to see. The picture showed of what remains of her lifeless body - the way her body was dumped was just so horrendous. How could anyone do something like that?! It looked as if she was thrown from somewhere and was not gently placed there. It was a really pitiful sight. The way her shoulders lied there inanimately, with mass that only remains of the life it used to have. One can tell just by looking at it that it hasn't stiffened yet. Not 12 hours have passed since she was dumped, and the photo taken. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that. What I can't stomach is the thought of her having to battle with those who did that to her. The struggle she must have been through before she was killed is just...

I am at loss for words. My heart is grieving for this sad event. I am no religious person but I pray for all the family, friends, acquaintances her life has touched and left. I pray strength and accpetance for them. I guess this is the only thing I can do for them right now. And yes, I do hope that the person/s who did this be found - may they rot in prison and in hell. I just know they'll be found. I have this feeling and my hunches this strong are always right.

May God be with you and your soul, Given Grace.

New plane

So it's the 2nd week of the semestral break and I'm having a blast at making the most out of it. I have learned a lot of things for the past months. I learned a lot not only about academic stuff but myself as well - study habits, what works best for me, and a lot more. I never thought I can actually enjoy medschool. 

First off, I have been depressed for some time now. Though I haven't gotten over it fully, I think I'm better and more functional. I just had a lot of things in mind for the past days and it was just too much to handle given that I don't have that much friends in le Manille and I have been spending too much time alone. I've never had that in my life. There were always friends. I am no extrovert for no reason. So before the semester ended, I had this self-reflection and talked to myself a lot and reflected A LOT to finally figure things out. And finally, it worked. I finally got myself on track again. Somehow, on track again. Not yet perfectly in line, but it's a good thing I'm somehow having a grip on things again. ☺

Speaking of friends, not that I don't have any, it's just that, my social life didn't end in school hours then. In fact, for all of my college years and more, my social life just starts after class hours. So, it was definitely a difficult adjustment - a painful one. For the past 3 months, I have been eating breakfast and dinners A-L-O-N-E. Whenever I feel down or bad about something, I have to deal with it A-L-O-N-E. After classes, I go straight home (a.k.a dorm), put my shoes in the rack, open the door, smile at my roomate and our communication for the day ends. How sucky is that?! So anyway, I'm still trying to get past that part. And living with it - trying. 

I'm just glad I have some support crowd around me. A different set from what I'm used to but definitely one of the reasons I'm still fighting and going to classes everyday. I'm more than thankful  I have Steph, Melvin, Jeanne and Justin. Med School is more wonderful with them. So yes, maybe I am ready to grow and traverse this new pavement. It used to be 'unknown' but now I can claim it as a 'new plane'. 

We find the most brilliant of people in the most unexpected time of our lives.