Proceed with caution.
Don't say I didn't warn you!!!
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I often spend my day daydreaming about....
...having a picnic date with you again (it's been years since we last did that)
...spending even just one day together without any work, acads or problems to think about
...talking with you under the shades of Freedom Park
...eating out at a decent restaurant with you
...cuddling
...our next travel adventure
...having long conversations with the imaginary you
...stress-free, carefree day for us
...sand, sea, sky, swimming, you
...permanent meet-ups
...coffee dates
...food trips
...long walks under the moonlight
...the rush of cool breeze under the stars as I sit beside you on a pavement
...simpler and less complicated life
I want all these and more but I guess I just can't have them at the moment. So, for the time being, all I'm left with are my thoughts and the need to pour the frustrations out.
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So, as I was digging up our sites, I got hold of these. I don't know what is it with Januaries but it sure is one lucky month for us I think:
The wind was cold and heavy.. The night was quiet.. We stopped at the sidewalk to talk.. We both did a little talking.. She gave me more tears than words..
About 30 months and 2 days ago we vowed to love each other forever.. Along the way are struggles, pain, suffering, what have you.. We surpassed those.. We are happy.. We are proud.. I love her.. She loves me.. I thought we were perfect.. I thought love is enough.. What I thought to be just right for 30 months and 2 days is not enough.. Love is not enough to make this relationship work..
Between the line 'I love you' are spaces.. Spaces that need to be filled with responsibility and care.. Both of which lack within me.. I know for 30 months and 2 days she persisted.. She was happy but within her, she was crying.. In the end I realized that it was I who has a problem.. The only problem is me.. I cannot blame her for being mad at me.. I am mad at me too..
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in an opportunity.. An optimist sees an opportunity in every difficulty". This is the time to look at things in a different way.. This is my chance to once again prove my worth.. Only and only if the door is not yet closed..
I love her.. And I am sorry..(Jan.18, 2009, 1:54am)
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| One of our most kadiri shots together. We do have a loooong history. Haha |
As they say, people will never be contented. The word's existence in our dictionaries reflects how human aims for the ideal which is a strike to the moon so to speak. People will also look for better things. A better car. A better house. Even a better partner. And I was never an exception to this human nature.
Indeed they are right. I can never be contented. However, I still found some exceptions.
About four years ago, I met someone who gets better and better everyday. She never fails to make me laugh at her silly jokes. She always manage to bring a crack of smile out of me every time that I refused to do so. She gives me a double-beat whenever I saw her smile, whenever I feel her skin. She always break the ice out of my frozen situations. She made me fall in love and fall deeply more in love everyday.
I know people might call me a fool. But I'd rather be a fool than hide this evidences which clearly showed me that the word CONTENTMENT is not a fallacy.
I found my exception. I found you. I love you and I want you to know how contented I am
Indeed they are right. I can never be contented. However, I still found some exceptions.
About four years ago, I met someone who gets better and better everyday. She never fails to make me laugh at her silly jokes. She always manage to bring a crack of smile out of me every time that I refused to do so. She gives me a double-beat whenever I saw her smile, whenever I feel her skin. She always break the ice out of my frozen situations. She made me fall in love and fall deeply more in love everyday.
I know people might call me a fool. But I'd rather be a fool than hide this evidences which clearly showed me that the word CONTENTMENT is not a fallacy.
I found my exception. I found you. I love you and I want you to know how contented I am
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| Ah, the breath of young love. :)) |
...you have always had that sweetness inside of you that just melts every teardrop away. Gosh, how many times can I reiterate I'm missing you badly? :(
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| You and your mad drawing skills! Crazy! Haha (Meet monkey cutie, Sam and I's stuffed baby) |
And as I end this post, I didn't expect to see this. Another reminder that as difficult and tough this relationship has been, the element of laughter and fun has never left us. I just wish to get to be with you again for real.
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